(A customer is withdrawing several hundred dollars in cash.)
Me: “So, how would you like the cash today?”
Customer: “Um, I’ll take it all in the largest bills you have.”
Me: “So, hundreds, then?”
Customer: “Yeah, a few hundreds, and then some 500 and 1000 dollar bills as well.”
Me: “Oh, the largest denomination we have is hundreds…”
Customer: “You see, this is exactly the type of thing that makes me not want to bank with you guys!”
Me: “Okay, will that be everything for you? For here or to go?”
Customer: “Here.”
Me: “That will be $8.42.”
(The customer pulls out a $1 bill and slaps it on the table.)
Customer: “Wham!”
Me: *blank stare*
(The customer’s girlfriend starts cracking up.)
Customer: “Oh. whoops! Let’s try that one again…” *pulls out a $10 bill* “Wham!”
(My coworker has just put together a very expensive PA system for the pastor of a church.)
Coworker: “All right, pastor, is there anything else I can get for you today?”
Pastor: “No… thank you. I’m very grateful for all your help. What is the price, son?”
Coworker: “Well, after all of the added items and sales tax, your total comes to $4,478.89.”
Pastor: “What!? Let me ask you this… What would JESUS pay for this?!”
Coworker: *without delay* “Sir, Jesus paid the ultimate price and died for your sins. Your total is still $4,478.89.”
(The pastor was not amused, but paid the full amount.)
This story is part of our Hagglers roundup.
Read the next Hagglers roundup story!
Read the Hagglers roundup!
Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]; may I have your full name, please?”
Customer: “I’m not giving you my full name. I want to speak to a supervisor.”
Me: “I’m sure I can help you solve your problem, ma’am.. Just give me your full name so I can look up your information.”
Customer: “All right, FINE! My name is [Customer].”
Me: “Thank you, Ms. [Customer]. What seems to be the problem?”
Customer: “I was at the store trying to buy baby formula, but I didn’t have any money left on my account. Why is that?”
Me: “Well, it appears you have made several purchases throughout the day, and you eventually ran out of money.”
Customer: *yelling* “I KNOW THAT! I BOUGHT STUFF EARLIER, BUT WHY DON’T I HAVE ANY MONEY LEFT?!”
Me: “Well, ma’am, you could go ahead and return what you bought to get your money back and–”
Customer: *interrupting, baby crying in the background* “HOLD ON, SIR!”
Background Voice: “Hi, welcome to [Store]. How can I help you today?”
(The customer starts placing a food order while I wait on the line for her to get back to me, and the baby keeps crying.)
Customer: “Here, baby, don’t cry… Have some fries.”
Me: “Ms. [Customer], are you still there?”
Customer: “Yes, I’m here. Have you put my money back in my account yet?”
Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that. You’ve already spent the money, so your best bet is to go and return some of the things you bought earlier.”
Customer: “I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA DO THAT FOR ME!”
Me: “I can’t do that; you have to do it personally.”
Customer: “CAN’T YOU JUST DO IT ON YOUR COMPUTER?!”
Me: “No, ma’am, it’s not physically possible for me to walk into a store with your stuff through my computer.”
Customer: *yelling louder* “WELL, IF YOU CAN’T USE ALL YOUR TECHNOLOGY TO DO A SIMPLE THING LIKE THAT, I’M GONNA HAVE TO SWITCH BANKS! THANKS FOR NOTHING!” *hangs up*
This story is part of the Unrealistic-Expectations roundup!
Read the next Unrealistic-Expectations roundup story!
Read the Unrealistic-Expectations roundup!
(I’ve just activated a cable channel for a woman and am ending the call.)
Me: “Is there anything else I can do for you, ma’am?”
Customer: “Yeah, how much was it again?”
Me: “It’s $4.01 a month, ma’am.”
Customer: “Why $4.01? Why not just four dollars?”
Me: “Ma’am, I only activate the channels, I don’t set the prices.”
Customer: “Well, that’s stupid. I don’t know if I want it anymore. It should only be four dollars.”
Me: “I can certainly put in a complaint for you.”
Customer: “Yeah, you do that. And you take it off and I don’t want to pay that fee for taking it off. It should only be four dollars!”
Me: “Look, ma’am, I’ll find twelve cents and mail it to you. That covers that one cent for a whole year. Can I have your address?”
Customer: “Have a nice day!”
(And then she hung up on me.)
