(A friend of mine who manages a self storage facility has a trouble-making customer that he has been trying to get rid of. One day, the customer comes up asking about a promotional offer.)

Customer: “Hi. I saw on your website that you have storage for $100, but I’m paying $130.”

Manager: “Yeah, that’s a promotional rate.”

Customer: “Well, can I get that rate?”

Manager: “I can’t just change people’s rates. It’s only for new customers to that space.”

Customer: “Well, can I just move into that storage?”

Manager: “You can’t just move it from one storage to the other and get the new rate. You would have to have everything out because I can’t vacate it until it’s empty.”

Customer: “That’s fine. I’ll move this Saturday.”

(The customer moves out the following Saturday, gets everything loaded into their truck, then stops by the office.)

Customer: “All right, I moved everything out of my storage.”

Manager: “That’s great. Now, get out.”

Customer: “What? Can I get that other storage?”

Manager: “Well, I looked at your past history with the company and you’ve been consistently late and rude to other customers. I’m afraid we’re going to deny the new rental. My manager wouldn’t let me evict you but you moved out yourself, so everything’s good.”

Customer: “But I have all my things taken off the property! Where am I going to put them?”

Manager: “Anywhere but here.”

(I had just finished a customer’s transaction, and was gathering up the change.)

Me: “All right, your change is–”

Customer: “Wait… I don’t like people touching my money… is there any way I can just take it out of the drawer myself?”

Me: “…um, no.”

Customer: “But what am I supposed to do? I don’t want you to contaminate it with germs!”

Me: “…get a debit card?”

(He leaves with his contaminated money, quite annoyed.)

(A woman comes up to my counter in the clothing store I work in. She has a very distressed look on her face.)

Me: “How can I help you this morning?”

Customer: “What is this red sticker on the tag of this dress?”

Me: “That is a clearance sticker. That dress is 40% off.”

Customer: “But I was here yesterday and it wasn’t on clearance! I’ve been eying that dress for weeks!”

Me: “Well, today is your lucky day; it went on clearance this morning.”

Customer: “I can’t buy it on clearance. Can you take that red sticker off the tag?”

Me: “Are you going to buy this dress?”

Customer: “I’m going to buy it once you take off that red tag. I don’t want to pay the clearance price.”

Me: “Even if I remove the sticker the register will still ring it up at clearance price.”

Customer: “Do I look like I’m the type to buy a dress on clearance?” *holds the dress up dramatically*

Me: “Are you planning on buying this dress?”

Customer: “Are you planning on taking off that red sticker?”

Me: “Not until you pay for it.”

Customer: “You don’t understand my world.”

(She left the dress on the counter and walked out of the store.)

(I work at a call center that handles many types of cell phone issues, including the bills.)

Me: “Thank you for calling, my name is [My Name] and I’ll be assisting you today. Is this call in regards to wireless number [number]?”

Caller: “Why y’all done sent me a bill for two thousand minutes?! I don’t even own a cell phone!”

Me: “Um… well, does the bill have your name on it, ma’am?”

Caller: “Of course it does! Right here…” *paper rustling*

Caller: “Oh, lawdy! I done opened my neighbor’s mail!”

This story is part of the Totally Unobservant Customers roundup!

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(Whenever the store was getting ready to discontinue something they would reduce the price to a penny before throwing it away. I was ringing up a customer’s order and he had several little bags of screws that were being discontinued.)

Me: “All right, that’ll be $10.95.”

Customer: “Why is it so much cheaper than yesterday?”

Me: “Oh, those screws are being discontinued so they brought the price down.”

Customer: “What? Do you think I can’t afford them?”

Me: “Uh, no, sir?”

Customer: “I don’t need your help! I want to buy them at the regular price!”

Me: “Uh, they brought the price down automatically in the system, sir. I can’t raise the price myself.”

Customer: “I want to speak to a manager!”

(I called the manager, and he spent ten minutes trying to reason with the man before he gave up and raised the price for him. Turns out the screws were only 36 cents a bag at the regular price.)

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