Me: “Okay, that will be $5.93 for the cigarettes.”

(The customer hands me a five-dollar bill, puts the cigarettes in her pocket and starts walking off.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but you didn’t give me enough money. You only gave me $5 and the total was $5.93.”

Customer: “Yeah, I gave you five.” *points at the money*

Me: “Yes, but the total is five dollars and ninety-three cents.”

Customer: *angrily* “Yeah, I gave you five dollars!”

Me: “It’s not enough. I need about a dollar more. Would you like to get something different or cheaper maybe?”

Customer: “No, I want this one!”

Me: “Well, I can’t sell these to you when you don’t have enough to pay for it.”

Customer: “Well, what am I gonna do?”

Me: “Go home and get more money?”

(Her expression suddenly brightens.)

Customer: “Oh! Yeah, okay! I’ll go do that I’ll be right back!” *gives cigarettes back and leaves cheerily*

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(I work in the call center of a major insurance company.)

Customer: “I just received this form… What does it mean?”

Me: “That is letting you know how much interest income you received last year which we reported to the IRS.”

Customer: “But I don’t want the IRS to know!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re legally obligated to report that information to the IRS.”

Customer: “Do you do everything the government tells you to?!”

Me: “Umm… yes?”

Me: *on the phone* “Thank you for calling [Company] Airlines. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “How much would it cost for my dog to travel with me?”

Me: “It’s $50 per leg.”

Customer: “Oh, she only has three legs, so how much would that cost?”

Me: “…that’s $50 per leg, as in travel segments.”

Customer: “Oh… Thank you.” *hangs up*

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(My father is manning tables at the local flea market. A man comes up to the table and picks out an item that’s priced at $8.)

Customer: “Will you take $6 for this?”

Dad: “Sure.”

(The man finds another item, this one priced at $5.)

Customer: “Will you take $4?”

Dad: “Sure.”

(After a while, the man finds another item, this time priced at $6.)

Customer: “$5?”

Dad: “Sure.”

(Finally, the man gathers all of his items together and winds up for the ultimate bargaining ploy.)

Customer: “How about $20 for all three?”

Dad: “Sure.”

(Dad was always an agreeable sort.)

Caller: “I don’t care what your little book says. Put my f****** power on!”

Me: “I can’t do that for you unless you pay your debt in full, sir.”

Caller: “Why are you being a b**** about this? Just let it slide!”

Me: “We’ve been letting it slide for months, sir. You now owe us in excess of a thousand dollars. Our rules are very clear: we are not to reconnect your power until you pay your debt.”

Caller: “F*** you! I’m going to kill you! I’m going to come to your house and kill you!”

Me: “The difference between you and me, sir, is that I know where YOU live.”

Caller: *click*

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