The Charitable Thing To Do

, , , | Working | August 17, 2017

(My grandmother has developed dementia. This means my dad and his siblings have to do a lot of her administration. My mother has been doing her taxes for the longest time and she has complained about the long list of donations to charities my grandmother has been doing every month, as this apparently makes her taxes very complicated to deal with. For this reason, and because we can’t know for sure if my grandmother is still supporting these charities, my dad, as her legal representative, decides to cancel almost all charity donations. However, as my grandmother didn’t keep much track of them herself, and did some as she had already started to develop dementia, some of them cause quite funny conversations.)

Dad: “I would like to cancel the monthly donation from [Grandmother’s Account] please, as [Grandmother] has developed dementia.”

Charity #1: *searching* “Ah, I see the donation; however, it is under a different name. Does [Grandfather] approve of the cancellation, too?”

Dad: *starts laughing* “Well… [Grandfather] has been dead for… how many years now?”

(At this point I enter the room.)

Me: “18 years.”

Dad: “18 years, my daughter says.”

Charity #1: “Ah, I see. I guess he does approve. We’ll cancel it for you and you’ll receive a confirmation email.”

Hasn’t Got The Energy To Deal With This

, , , , , , , | Right | August 15, 2017

(I used to work for one of the major energy suppliers in the UK. Over the years I heard all kinds of excuses not to pay the bill, some genuine, some just plain crazy. One of my favourites occurs when I am on the evening shift. A customer calls up, furious that we keep sending him bills.)

Customer: “I’m not paying because I don’t believe in paying for energy.”

Me: “You used the energy; you have to pay for it, whether you believe in it or not. I understand if you cannot pay all in one go and am happy to set you up with a payment plan, if you’d like.”

Customer: “No! I haven’t used any energy. I’m not paying for what I haven’t used.”

Me: “That’s not what the meter readings are saying.”

Customer: “Then your meters are faulty. I’m not using anything.”

Me: “You seem to be calling us from your home phone. Is that right?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “It’s also dark out. Do you have a light on?”

Customer: “Well, of course I am. How could I see without it?”

Me: “Your phone uses energy and so do your light bulbs. You just admitted to using energy.”

Customer: “NO! Phones are just phone lines – they don’t use electricity. Also light bulbs use solar energy. I am NOT using any of your electric.”

Me: “Oh, do you have solar panels?”

Customer: “No! You don’t even need them. All light bulbs run on solar power. They’re LIGHT bulbs. Light is powered by light. You know, from the sun. Sun LIGHT.”

Me: “I can also hear a television or radio on in the background.”

Customer: “Yes, but it’s SATELLITE. It runs off the SATELLITE, not electricity. God, you people are so f****** stupid.”

(I pause for a moment and decide this is just one of those battles that isn’t worth fighting. We have lots of customers waiting and this customer doesn’t seem willing to budge.)

Me: “Unfortunately, it appears as though your appliances are using electricity because your meter readings are going up. This bill must be paid. If you do not clear your balance or set up an arrangement, we will go to court for a warrant, which will allow us access to your property to fit a prepayment meter to ensure the energy is paid for. This will also incur further charges to your account. I can set you up on a payment plan today to prevent this.”

Customer: “Go f*** yourself, you stupid b****. Go ahead. Take me to court. I’m not using any energy. You’ll never get that warrant!”

The Internet Of Dumb Things

, , , , , | Right | August 15, 2017

(A coworker and I are working at the customer service desk when a female customer comes up. She tells my coworker she wants to buy an item that she saw online. My coworker gets the item number and processes the sale.)

Customer: *at end of transaction* “I guess I could have just come in here in the first place instead of spending time looking at this online. I spent so much time on the website. I just wanted to pay cash. I was looking for the place to pay cash for it.”

Coworker: “Online?”

Customer: “Yeah. On the website. I couldn’t find where to pay with cash.”

A Cents-Ible Assumption

, , , , | Right | August 12, 2017

(After touring a famous museum in Greece my friends and I decide to order something from the museum café. The woman in front of us is purchasing one water bottle.)

Employee: “That will be 50c.”

Woman: “Let me find you a quarter.”

Employee: “Ma’am, a fifty cent coin will do.”

Woman: “I don’t have any quarters.”

(She spills all of her coins onto the counter. She has a few fifty cent coins.)

Me: “Madam, this will do.”

(Points out a fifty cent coin.)

Woman: “So I need fifty of these?”

Me: “No, you pay with that.”

(The woman then picks up a one euro coin.)

Woman: “Can I buy a bottle with this.”

Employee: “You can buy two water bottles with that.”

Woman: “Oh, okay.”

(She hands him the one euro coin and he goes to the fridge to get her water.)

Woman: *to me* “A one dollar coin. Who thought of that?”

Me: “Most countries have one dollar coins.”

Woman: “Oh.”

(She took her water and left.)

Money Makes The Moans Go Round

, , , , | Right | August 12, 2017

(I was just clocking into work, and since I am a traveling teller, meaning I go to different locations every day, I have to wait for the manager of the specific branch to give me a drawer.)

Customer: “Excuse me? What are you doing?”

(I continue starting up my computer, assuming she isn’t speaking to me as I still have my ‘next window’ sign up.)

Customer: *to others in line* “Look at that dumb b****, sitting around doing nothing but play with her hair when there’s a line out of the door!”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am? I am not yet up and ready; my shift has just started. I’m sure another teller will be with you in just one moment. Your patience is appreciated.”

Customer: *rolls eyes*

(After a few moments, she finally reaches another teller, and the following conversation happens after her transaction is completed.)

Customer: “Why would you even hire such a lazy, incompetent girl?”

Coworker: “She actually doesn’t have a drawer yet, so she has no cash to work with.”

Customer: “If I wanted to hear excuses, I would have talked to her. Next time I’m in here, she better be fired! I will be reporting her to management. She should have brought her own cash in if you guys were busy.”

Coworker: “Ma’am? You wanted her to bring thousands of dollars of her own money so you wouldn’t have to wait a few moments on Friday afternoon at a very busy bank?”

Customer: “Yes! That would have been the right thing to do.”

(I was yelled at the first two minutes of my shift. I decided this had to be some sort of record, and we all had a good laugh about it in the end. Joke’s on you, lady. You didn’t ruin my day; you just made me laugh! Plus, she didn’t even get my name so she could report me.)

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