Must Think They Have A License To Print Money

, , , , , | Right | July 8, 2020

A customer is ordering printed programs for an event next week. As it is a large order, policy states we provide a quote and have the quote approved before production begins.

Me: “Okay, sir, looks like your total for all 200 books is going to be $350 before sales tax.”

Customer:What?! $350?! I ordered 100 of these at [Our Other Location] and only paid something like $170!”

I pull out a calculator for the customer to view.

Me: “Yes, and $170 multiplied by two is $340.”

Customer’s Wife: “What are you whining about?! It’s exactly what it should be!” *To me* “Go ahead and print, please. Thank you so much!”

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Expecting The US Dollar To Get Top Billing, Part 2

, , , | Right | July 7, 2020

My boyfriend and I are in line for the luggage check-in at the airport. In front of us, there’s a woman raging on about the extra fee she has to pay for her luggage; she has at least four huge suitcases with her.

Check-In Clerk: “I’m sorry, but you really have to pay extra for that luggage.”

Woman: “But these suitcases need to check in! I won’t pay! Nobody said I should pay! Why would I pay extra?”

Check-In Clerk: “I understand, but before you can check these in, you have to pay an extra fee for each suitcase. It’s clearly stated in the terms and conditions of our airline.”

Woman: “Never saw a thing about that! And now you want me to pay… uh… how much again?”

Check-In Clerk: “It is €[price].”

Woman: “Okay, fine! I pay your stupid fee! How many dollars are we talking about here?”

Check-In Clerk: “Not dollars, euros.”

Woman: “Dollars!”

Check-In Clerk: “Euros.”

Woman: “Dollars!” 

This goes over and back for a while, until the woman finally gives up and steps out of the line, shouting:

Woman: “I only ever work with dollars! All my life! DOLLARS, YOU HEAR?!”

The clerk flinches as if she wants to hit her, but stays professional and forces herself to calm down. She signs that we can proceed to the counter and gives us a slightly absent “good morning” in English.

Me: *In Dutch* “Good morning! We want to check in our bags, please.”

Check-In Clerk: *Gives a sigh of relief* “Oh, thank God you’re Dutch! And with only one suitcase to check in… You’re making my day right now!” 

Check-in went without further hassle, but what do you know?! A week later at Glasgow airport we saw that same woman, waving her first-class ticket in front of everyone yelling, “I ENTER PLANE FIRST! I HAVE PRIORITY TICKET!” and pushing in front of the queue. Some people never learn.

Expecting The US Dollar To Get Top Billing

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Their Complaints Are As Fake As Plastic

, , , , | Right | July 3, 2020

Some time ago, the UK switched its £5 and £10 notes from paper to plastic. Most people are indifferent to the change, but some are very vocal about how much they hate the new plastic notes. I get at least three customers a day complaining about them, but this one stands out.

Customer: “I f****** hate these new plastic notes.”

The note in question was a £20 note. Still paper.

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Taxing Taxing, Part 4

, , , , | Right | June 30, 2020

I’m working in the drive-thru. We have just brought back a sandwich we used to have, now on sale for 99¢.

Me: “Hi. May I take your order, please?”

Customer: “How much are them new chicken sandwiches?”

Me: “They’re 99¢.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll take two of them and two of the regular dollar chicken sandwiches.”

Me: “Okay, pull around to the window and I’ll have your total.”

She arrives at the window. Her order has already been prepared and bagged.

Me: “Your total is $4.32.”

Customer: “Why is it that much?”

Me: “You wanted four sandwiches total right?”

Customer: “Yes, four of the dollar sandwiches.”

Me: “Right. They’re 99¢ each, so before tax, your total is $3.96, and after, it makes it $4.32.”

Customer: “I don’t understand how four of the $1 sandwiches come to $4.32.”

She finally pays after changing her mind to just get one sandwich.

Me: *To my coworker* “I’m glad I understand first-grade math.”

Taxing Taxing, Part 3
Taxing Taxing, Part 2
Taxing Taxing

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Awesome Siblings, Less Awesome Roomies

, , , , , | Related | June 27, 2020

My younger sister moves into her first apartment. I moved out of state a couple of years ago and mainly keep in contact with her through Facebook.

Sister: “Getting this apartment has cost a lot more then we estimated and our roommate hasn’t paid for anything.”

Me: “How short on money are you?”

Sister: “We paid everything for the apartment, rent and security deposit, but we don’t have any grocery money and I don’t get paid for a week.”

Me: “Well, why don’t you send me your new address so I can visit when I come down?”

That day, I arranged grocery delivery for the next day. I sent her enough groceries for at least two weeks. It was a nice little surprise when she got off work.

The roommate never did pay rent. She was also the younger sister of my sister’s husband, so that didn’t go over very well.

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