Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World
Customer: “How much is Bud Light?”
Bartender: “$3.75.”
Customer: “Well, how much is Miller Light?”
Bartender: “$3.75.”
Customer: “D***! What’s the cheapest thing you got in here?!”
Bartender: “YOU!”
One Last Parting Shot, Part 3
(An couple of US tourists come into our library and use the public computers for the Internet. When they start leaving, they come to me again and give me 2 Estonian Crowns.)
Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t take this.”
Customer: “What do you mean you can’t take this?! I got it from the bank just down the street. I know it’s not fake. And it says in the rules that it costs 2.”
Me: “No, I mean–”
(He cuts me off and starts ranting on how he never wanted to come to Europe anyway and how everything is better in the States. His wife and I manage to calm him down after a few minutes of loud ranting.)
Me: “Sir, I can’t take your money because just using the computer is free. Only printing costs 2 Crowns.”
Customer: “Oh. I thought… I mean, I always have to pay in… well… America is still better than Europe!” *hurries out with his wife*
Getting A Word In Edgewise
Customer: “I want to see that brooch.”
Me: “Here it is–”
Customer: “How much is it?”
Me: “Well, it’s–”
Customer: “You don’t need to know where I get my money from!”
Me: “Oh, okay. Well, it costs–”
Customer: “I’m on a disability pension.”
Me: “It costs thirty–”
Customer: “And it’s none of your business why!”
Me: “Thirty-five dol–”
Customer: “I had an accident and broke my leg.”
Me: “…”
Customer: “Do you want to know why I’m buying this?”
Me: “Umm… no, it’s okay.”
Customer: “BECAUSE GREEN IS MY FAVORITE COLOR!”
This story is part of the Customers-Sharing-TMI roundup!
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Smile, You’re On Candid Camera
Customer: “What do you have to eat here?”
Me: “Whatever you see in the pastry case is to eat; we mainly serve drinks.”
Customer: “What’s that up there? ”
(He points to one of the boards behind me and I turn around to see what he’s pointing at. I hear a rustling noise; when I turn back around all the money in my tip cup is gone.)
Me: “Sir? Could you do me a favor?”
Customer: “Uh… what?”
Me: “Look up.”
Customer: *looks up*
Me: “Okay, wave!”
(I start waving at him and, completely confused, he starts to wave back.)
Me: “Sir, that’s a camera up there.”
Customer: “Uh… and?”
Me: “You better put the money back.”
Customer: “What money?”
Me: “You know very well ‘what money.’ Now, put it back and leave.”
(He put the money back and pouted the entire way out the doors.)
Oh, Bite Me
Me: “Welcome to [Bank]. How can I help you?”
Customer: “I need to check my balance on my account.”
Me: “Okay, sir. Can I get your customer number?”
Customer: *gives number*
Me: “Okay, sir. You have a balance of $513.26, and we need to get $360.00 of this paid off immediately to avoid referral to debt collection.”
Customer: “Screw you. I’m no over-stayer. Unlock my d*** account!”
Me: “Sir, we can’t unlock the account until we’ve received some form of payment.”
Customer: “F*** you, man. I’m going to call your head office and have you deported.”
Me: “Um, I was born in this country, so I can’t really be deported to another country. This still won’t get your account unlocked. If you can pay–”
Customer: “Get the f***ing account turned on or I’m coming around there, and I’m going to eat you!”
Me: “Eat… me?”
Customer: “D*** right! I’m going to have you eaten and deported. We’re going to claim back our land and eat all you b**tards, then have you kicked out of the country!”
Me: “Please pay your bill. I’m terminating this call.” *click*