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Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World

, , , , | Right | September 9, 2008

Customer: “How much is Bud Light?”

Bartender: “$3.75.”

Customer: “Well, how much is Miller Light?”

Bartender: “$3.75.”

Customer: “D***! What’s the cheapest thing you got in here?!”

Bartender: “YOU!”

One Last Parting Shot, Part 3

, , , , | Right | September 2, 2008

(An couple of US tourists come into our library and use the public computers for the Internet. When they start leaving, they come to me again and give me 2 Estonian Crowns.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t take this.”

Customer: “What do you mean you can’t take this?! I got it from the bank just down the street. I know it’s not fake. And it says in the rules that it costs 2.”

Me: “No, I mean–”

(He cuts me off and starts ranting on how he never wanted to come to Europe anyway and how everything is better in the States. His wife and I manage to calm him down after a few minutes of loud ranting.)

Me: “Sir, I can’t take your money because just using the computer is free. Only printing costs 2 Crowns.”

Customer: “Oh. I thought… I mean, I always have to pay in… well… America is still better than Europe!” *hurries out with his wife*

Getting A Word In Edgewise

, , , , | Right | August 28, 2008

Customer: “I want to see that brooch.”

Me: “Here it is–”

Customer: “How much is it?”

Me: “Well, it’s–”

Customer: “You don’t need to know where I get my money from!”

Me: “Oh, okay. Well, it costs–”

Customer: “I’m on a disability pension.”

Me: “It costs thirty–”

Customer: “And it’s none of your business why!”

Me: “Thirty-five dol–”

Customer: “I had an accident and broke my leg.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Do you want to know why I’m buying this?”

Me: “Umm… no, it’s okay.”

Customer: “BECAUSE GREEN IS MY FAVORITE COLOR!”


This story is part of the Customers-Sharing-TMI roundup!

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Smile, You’re On Candid Camera

, , , , | Right | August 19, 2008

Customer: “What do you have to eat here?”

Me: “Whatever you see in the pastry case is to eat; we mainly serve drinks.”

Customer: “What’s that up there? ”

(He points to one of the boards behind me and I turn around to see what he’s pointing at. I hear a rustling noise; when I turn back around all the money in my tip cup is gone.)

Me: “Sir? Could you do me a favor?”

Customer: “Uh… what?”

Me: “Look up.”

Customer: *looks up*

Me: “Okay, wave!”

(I start waving at him and, completely confused, he starts to wave back.)

Me: “Sir, that’s a camera up there.”

Customer: “Uh… and?”

Me: “You better put the money back.”

Customer: “What money?”

Me: “You know very well ‘what money.’ Now, put it back and leave.”

(He put the money back and pouted the entire way out the doors.)

Oh, Bite Me

, , , , | Right | August 19, 2008

Me: “Welcome to [Bank]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I need to check my balance on my account.”

Me: “Okay, sir. Can I get your customer number?”

Customer: *gives number*

Me: “Okay, sir. You have a balance of $513.26, and we need to get $360.00 of this paid off immediately to avoid referral to debt collection.”

Customer: “Screw you. I’m no over-stayer. Unlock my d*** account!”

Me: “Sir, we can’t unlock the account until we’ve received some form of payment.”

Customer: “F*** you, man. I’m going to call your head office and have you deported.”

Me: “Um, I was born in this country, so I can’t really be deported to another country. This still won’t get your account unlocked. If you can pay–”

Customer: “Get the f***ing account turned on or I’m coming around there, and I’m going to eat you!”

Me: “Eat… me?”

Customer: “D*** right! I’m going to have you eaten and deported. We’re going to claim back our land and eat all you b**tards, then have you kicked out of the country!”

Me: “Please pay your bill. I’m terminating this call.” *click*