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Sticking To Your Guns

, , , | Right | December 25, 2007

*customer hands over a tree skirt for her Christmas tree*

Customer: “That’s all! And I have a coupon…”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it appears that the tree skirt is already on sale, so you can’t use the coupon.”

Customer: “Really? It doesn’t say anywhere that it’s on sale.”

Me: “Well, the ad that the coupon comes in also says that ‘All Christmas decorations’ are on sale for 30% off. Your coupon is for 40% off, so its not that big of a difference. It says on the coupon that you cannot use it on sale items…”

Customer: “Can’t you just give me the regular price and discount it with the coupon?”

Me: “Ma’am, you’re only losing out on… six dollars. I really don’t want to lose my job over your six dollars.”

Customer: “I BELIEVE I’M BEING CHEATED! I’M NEVER SHOPPING AT THIS ESTABLISHMENT AGAIN!”

(The customer came back two hours later to buy the exact same tree skirt.)


This story is part of the Christmas Eve roundup!

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Pissing Against The Wind Is An Art Form

, , , | Right | November 9, 2007

Customer #1: “Two for American Gangster. We have two free passes.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but that movie just opened today and it isn’t currently accepting passes. To use these I’ll have to charge you $1.50 upgrade per ticket.”

Customer #1: “That’s ridiculous. It doesn’t say that anywhere on it.”

Me: *pointing to where it says that* “I’m sorry, sir, but it does. I’ll have to charge you the $3.”

Customer #2: “But we came early so we knew you wouldn’t sell out! Why can’t you just give it to us?”

Me: “I’m sorry but its a corporate policy. I cannot give anyone a free pass to this movie, not even employees. It’s not even an option on the computer.”

Customer #1: *mumbles under his breath while he reaches for his wallet*

Customer #2: “We shouldn’t have to pay $3 to see the movie! If there’s more than 25 people in there I’m going to report you to a manager!”

The State Eats Cuddly Puppies & Kittens, Too

, , , | Right | November 6, 2007

Me: “Good Afternoon, [Mississippi Government Department]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I would like y’all to get me some food stamps. My kids are hungry and I got fired last week.”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t issue food stamps. You need to contact the Department of Human Services.”

Caller: “What?! My cousin told me to call y’all and y’all would get us fed. I know the State has lots of monies, can’t you just send us some?”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, you need to call DHS and they will be able to assist you.”

Caller: “F*** You! The God-D***ed State never does a d*** thing for us poor folks! I hope you feel the fires of Hell for starving children!” *click*

Me: *stunned silence*

I Think She Wants A Discount

, , , , | Right | November 5, 2007

Trainee: “Hey, this woman would like to buy an iPod Touch. But she’s asking for a discount.”

Me: *to the lady customer* “Hi, so you’re interested in an iPod Touch?”

Customer: “Discount?”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t offer anything below our tagged price. It already has a guaranteed low price.”

Customer: “Discount?”

Me: “If you’re worried about money, you can choose to apply for a store credit card. With it you can buy this iPod Touch and have three months to pay interest-free.”

Customer: “Okay, so I get a card and get a discount?”

Me: “No, but you have three months to pay.”

Customer: “What’s the price in three months?”

Me: “It’s the same price as now.”

Customer: “Okay. What’s the price after the three months?”

Me: “It is the exact same price as you see here now. But with the card you get three months to pay for it.”

Customer: “Discount?”

Me: “Okay, let’s ring this up for you.”


This story is part of our Demands For Discounts roundup!

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Arr, Matey! I Be Wanting Ye Gold Doubloons!

, , , | Right | October 30, 2007

Me: “Welcome to [Bank]. What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “Do you guys sell gold here?”

Me: “Well, our financial advisor can take care of all your commodity trades. Let me introduce…”

Customer: “No, I mean do you SELL gold here?”

Me: “Um… what do you mean, exactly?”

Customer: “Can I buy gold?”

Me: “As in… a brick of gold?”

Customer: “Yes, I want to buy a couple of bricks.”

Me: “Um… no. I believe they stopped doing that in the 1920s.”

Customer: “Well, you SHOULD!”

Me: “Okay…”


This story is part of our Bank Customer roundup!

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