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As Long As You’re Happy

, , , , | Right | January 16, 2009

Customer: “If I buy a popcorn, can I get a drink for $2?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry; everything is full price.”

Customer: “My man that I’m dating is such a cheapskate! He only gave me $5! He’s such an a**hole! *pause* “You need to find a rich one.”

Me: “Ha ha, yeah.”

Customer: *leans across the counter and lowers her voice* “A rich one… who’s good in bed.”

Me: “…”

Customer: *as an afterthought* “I guess he should have a good heart, too.”

High Altitude Expectations

, , , | Right | January 13, 2009

(I overhear my coworker have this exchange while helping a patron.)

Coworker: “What can I help you find?”

Patron: “I need pictures from when they used to tie small cameras to birds to take aerial photos.”

Coworker: “Well, I don’t think that we would have any books for that – let me look online.”

Patron: “I kinda need this right away; my class starts in ten minutes.”

Coworker: “I’m looking as fast as I can.”

Patron: “Well, f***ing look faster! I am going to fail this class now, and it’s all because of you!”

Coworker: “I found your photos. I’ll send them to the printer right now; it will be 50 cents for the print.”

Patron: “What the f***? You expect me to PAY for the prints?”

Coworker: “Yes, yes I do.”

(The patron hands over the money while swearing under his breath.)

Coworker: “Enjoy.”

(She hands him the papers and he runs out, but not thirty seconds later he runs back in.)

Patron: “I need pictures of the f***ing birds, not the pictures that they took!”

Coworker: *as she turns off her computer* “Well, it looks like our system is down. You’ll have to come back at a later time.”

Patron: *storms out*

Financial Loaves And Fishes

, , , , | Right | January 9, 2009

Customer: “There seems to be a problem with my ATM card. I can’t get any money out.”

Me: “Hold on, let me check your account… you only have $3.35 in your bank account.”

Customer: “Okay, so how do we fix that?”

The Perfect Customer

, , , , | Right | November 10, 2008

(A customer wants a better plan than her current 150 minutes/month. I notice she never uses more than 100 minutes or so a month.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, since our plans have changed and this amount of minutes seems to be perfect for you, I’m happy to tell you that I can give you the exact same plan for $30 a month and save you $10 a month.”

Customer: “That’s not a deal. I said I wanted something better than what I have.”

Me: “This is better. You’ll save $120 a year and based upon your usage, so this is perfect for you.”

Customer: “How is this better for me if it’s the same plan? I don’t want to change.”

Me: “So you don’t want me to change this to a $10 per month cheaper plan?”

Customer: “I said NO! I don’t want to save money if I get no more minutes out of it.”

Me: “Deal.”


This story is part of the Customers-Are-Their-Own-Worst-Enemy roundup!

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All Signs Point To Duh

, , , , , , , , | Right | November 5, 2008

Customer: “I bought these games yesterday, and I don’t want them. I want my money back.”

Me: “Sorry, but I can’t give you cashback. I can exchange them for credit so you can choose something else.”

Customer: “I was not told that when I bought them.”

Me: “Yeah, sorry… but we do have signs up.” *I point to two of these signs*

Customer: “Well, I’m illiterate, so I couldn’t know! Now give me my f****** money!”

Me: “As I said, I am sorry, but I can only do it as credit.”

Customer: “But, there was no way I could know that when I bought them! I’m illiterate!”

Me: “Well, there was no way we could know that when you bought them. Perhaps you could get a sign?”


This story is part of the Customers-Ignoring-Signs roundup!

Read the next Customers-Ignoring-Signs roundup story!

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