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All Signs Point To Duh

, , , , , , , , | Right | November 5, 2008

Customer: “I bought these games yesterday, and I don’t want them. I want my money back.”

Me: “Sorry, but I can’t give you cashback. I can exchange them for credit so you can choose something else.”

Customer: “I was not told that when I bought them.”

Me: “Yeah, sorry… but we do have signs up.” *I point to two of these signs*

Customer: “Well, I’m illiterate, so I couldn’t know! Now give me my f****** money!”

Me: “As I said, I am sorry, but I can only do it as credit.”

Customer: “But, there was no way I could know that when I bought them! I’m illiterate!”

Me: “Well, there was no way we could know that when you bought them. Perhaps you could get a sign?”


This story is part of the Customers-Ignoring-Signs roundup!

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No Wonder We’re In A Financial Meltdown

, , , , | Right | October 28, 2008

(I sell insurance. Sometimes, bank managers will ring up with customers who are in the bank. In this case, the bank lady was doing all the talking because the woman was partly deaf.)

Me: “Good morning, [Insurance Company]; how can I help you?”

Bank Manager: “I’m with a lady who’d like a quote, please.”

Me: “Yup, no problem. Could I speak to her briefly?”

(I talk to the customer and get her permission for the bank manager to do the quote with her details.)

Me: “Okay, can I take her surname, please?”

Bank Manager: “My surname or hers?”

Me: “Hers, please…” *she gives it* “… and her date of birth?”

Bank Manager: “Mine, or hers?”

Me: “Hers…” *she gives it* “Okay, and her postcode.”

Bank Manager: “Why do you want my postcode?”

Me: “I don’t. I want her postcode. It’s her policy, so I need her details.”

(You get the general idea. This continued, right up until the very end of the insurance quote.)

Me: “So, the price for the year is [total].”

Bank Manager: “I’d have to pay that?!”

Me: “…”

No Debit, But Plenty of Loonies

, , , | Right | October 26, 2008

(At the gas station where I work, a young woman staggers in drunk and tries to buy a bag of chips on debit.)

Me: “Okay, that will be $1.35 on debit.”

(The customer picks up the pin pad and proceeds to swipe a quarter through the slot.)

Me: “Um… ma’am?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “That’s a quarter.”

Customer: “Yes, I know. For some reason, it won’t work. Is this thing turned on?”

Me: “But… that’s… that’s not a debit card. Do you have a debit card?”

Customer: “I’m TRYING! But it won’t work!”

Me: “It’s plastic? Kinda rectangle-shaped? Has your bank name on it?”

Customer: “Why won’t it work?”

Me: “You know what? I don’t think that one is working. Do you have another one? Sometimes these machines won’t like a card for no real reason. It happens.”

Customer: “Oh ya? I get that at my work too…”

(She proceeds to put away the quarter and pulls out a loonie instead.)

Me: “Ma’am, I think I see the problem now. All of our card systems are down. They must have crashed with all the people buying things today. Do you have cash instead?”

Customer: “Sure, no problem.” *pulls out 20 dollar bill* “Keep the change. It’s only a few dollars anyway. I don’t want it….”

Me: “Sure, thanks!”

(She wanders off to pass out in the bathroom for three hours but I just couldn’t bring myself to call the cops on her.)

After This, She’s Gonna Need An Antidepressant

, , , | Right | October 26, 2008

Customer: “Hi, can I have some of those allergy medications that are behind the counter? The 24-hour kind.”

Me: “Sure thing…”

(I grab one, because law mandates that the computers only allow me to check out one 24-hour medication for a certain period of time).

Customer: “Oh, I wanted four. Can I have four, please?”

Me: “Sorry, I can only give you one. There’s a law that makes me check your ID on the computer. It won’t let me check out more than one for you, at least not in the 24-hour dose.”

Customer: “Well, can you at least try? If you’d TRY once in a while, you never know what you can do!”

Me: “All right, then…”

(I scan one and sure enough, the second won’t go through.)

Me: “Yup, it won’t let me check out the second one. Your total’s gonna be about 20 bucks.”

Customer: “Okay, now try the third one.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “If the second one didn’t work, maybe the third one will.”

Me: “Ma’am, all four of these are exactly the same. If the second one didn’t work, what makes you think if I rang up another box of the exact same thing would work?”

Customer: “JUST DO IT!”

Me: “Okay… yeah… it’s not working.”

Customer: “Okay, now try the fourth one.”

(Suffice it to say it doesn’t work; after she buys her one box, she comes back about fifteen minutes later.)

Customer: “HOW DARE YOU SELL ME THIS EXPIRED MEDICATION!”

Me: “Err… what? I can guarantee you it’s not. I checked it before I gave it to you.”

Customer: “Oh yeah? Then what’s this? It says FEB 22!”

Me: “Yes… February… of 2022. Not February 22nd.”

Customer: “Uh… well, I’m older than you and I probably make way more than you anyway, so I’m right. I’m 42 and I make $[amount] an hour!”

Me: “I’ll agree with you, you’re much older than I am. I’m only 26. But, ma’am, you are talking to a pharmacist. I make twice that. Oh, wait… I’m in overtime now… three times that. Actually, in the time it took me to help you, I just made one hour’s worth of your wage. Is there anything else I can do for you today?”

My Hypocrisy Ate Your Democracy

, , , | Right | October 23, 2008

(This is before same-sex marriage had been legalized.)

Me: “Thank you for calling the Benefits Center. How may I assist you today?”

Customer: “Hi. I am trying to enroll in my benefits for next year.”

Me: “Okay, how may I assist you?”

Customer: “I just got engaged and I want to add my fiancé to my insurance.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you won’t be able to add your fiancé to your coverage until you get married.”

Customer: “So… those f****** f****ts can get benefits, but I can’t?”

Me: “Yes, sir, but you have the option to get married; they don’t.”

Customer: “Those f****** f****ts, f****** us over anyway they can!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you have the option to get married; they do not. That is the only reason we offer health benefits to same-sex domestic partners.”

Customer: “What if I can’t get married? What are you going to do about that?”

Me: “Why can’t you get married?”

Customer: “Well, a**hole if you must ask… it’s because I am already married.”

Me: “Sir, I can assure you we don’t pay for infidelity.”