I’m on register at a pet store when an elderly woman in her Sunday best (on a Tuesday evening) with very strong, dramatic makeup and A LOT of perfume comes up. She hands me the invoice for her dog’s grooming and a small envelope.

Customer: “Put $5 in there for the groomer.”

Me: “Okay. Do you have the cash now or will it be cash back at the end?”

Customer: *Staring at me* “No… Just put $5 in there.”

I think she wants me to add it to the total — a common request.

Me: “Unfortunately, I don’t have the option to add a tip to the bill. It has to be done in cash.”

Customer: “I don’t carry cash!”

Me: “That’s okay. If you use your debit card, you can select ‘cashback’ and use that.”

Customer: “I don’t want to use cashback; my bank charges me! Just put $5!”

I am wondering where she thinks $5 is going to come from.

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”

Customer: *Huffs* “It’s not difficult. You’re just ignorant.”

She jams her card into the card reader.

Customer: “Just do it!”

Me: “I don’t think I can do what you’re asking. Would you like a manager?”

Customer: “Yes! Finally!”

I call the manager.

Manager: “Hi, how can I help?”

Customer: “This girl is being purposely unhelpful!”

Me: “She wants me to put $5 in this envelope for the groomer but she doesn’t have it, nor does she want to do cashback.”

Customer: “My bank charges me! Why can’t you just take it from the drawer?”

Manager: “Because then the drawer will be short.”

Customer: “No! I told her to take it from the drawer! Put it on the bill!”

Manager: “We don’t have the option to add tips to the bill. It has to be done in cash. I apologize for the inconvenience this has caused.”

Customer: “Forget it. You just don’t understand. When the groomer girl asks why she didn’t get a tip, I hope you have the grace to look ashamed of yourselves.”

Manager: “Ma’am, we’ve given you the options. You can do cashback or just tip her another day, but we cannot just take money from the register.”

Customer: “Disgraceful!”

She snatches her receipt from my hand and stomps off.

Manager: *In a sarcastic tone* “You millennials and your lack of understanding.”

Related:
Cash Back Attack, Part 13
Cash Back Attack, Part 12
Cash Back Attack, Part 11
Cash Back Attack, Part 10
Cash Back Attack, Part 9

I have just worked through a long shift, all day in a hot store while wearing a face mask. I’m hungry, we’re ten minutes from closing, and my brain more or less slips into zombie mode.

I ring up a bracelet for a customer.

Me: “That’s $3.19.”

Customer: “That’s not right. It should have been $2.90.”

Me: “Mm-hm.”

I’m out of it and don’t actually process what she’s saying. The customer pays for it but looks annoyed.

Customer: “It’s the wrong price, though! It was $2.90!”

Me: *Still out of it* “Mm-hm, have a good day ma’am.”

She left sourly. I would feel bad about this, but her item was already on clearance and an override would’ve only saved her a whopping thirty-nine cents.

I’m at the front counter, helping [Customer #1] while another waits behind him. The customer waiting, [Customer #2], is notorious in our shop. He often feigns being helpless in order to get our employees to help him on the self-service computer. My boss has told me not to help him. From my boss’s experience with this customer, the customer knows how to use a computer but just wants someone else to do all the work for him.

Customer #1: “Hey, can you give me four quarters so I can feed the meter again?”

Me: “Certainly.”

I take his dollar and hand him his change. While [Customer #1] goes out to his car, [Customer #2] comes to the counter.

Customer #2: “Can I get four quarters?”

Me: “Sure.”

I fish out four quarters from our cash drawer and wait for him to hand me a dollar bill.

Customer #2: “Well, can I have them?”

Me: “Sure. Just give me a dollar and I’ll give you your change.”

Customer #2: “You just gave that guy four quarters.”

I am growing frustrated because he’s obviously using his clueless shtick to try to scam us.

Me: “Yes, in exchange for a dollar.”

Customer #2: “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?”

Realizing I’m not cowed by his sudden outburst, he lowers his voice.

Customer #2: “How come I have to give you a dollar?”

Me: “Because that’s the way change works. I’m not just gonna hand out money from the register.”

While I put the change back into the drawer, [Customer #2] rants about poor customer service and being treated like a scammer while he walks to the front door. By now, [Customer #1] has returned and witnessed the tantrum by [Customer #2].

Customer #1: “What was that about?”

Me: “He wanted me to just hand him a dollar in quarters without giving me anything in exchange.”

[Customer #1] burst out laughing. I joined in laughing as I noticed [Customer #2] glaring at us through the storefront window.

The grocery store where I work has taken to delivering orders to people who are self-isolating due to the current health crisis. Customers email or call in a list of what groceries they need and we gather the groceries and ring them up, and then we call the customer on the phone. We give them the total and they pay over the phone with a debit card. Some customers, of course, like to pay cash on delivery, but as most people would prefer no contact, card over the phone is the usual deal.

I have just rung up a customer’s order and I phone them on the number provided. Most of those taking advantage of our service are elderly.

Me: “That comes to £63.46. Are you happy for me to take payment now over the phone?”

Elderly Customer: “Yes, dear, of course. I really want to avoid all contact with the outside world right now.”

Me: “I understand, ma’am. Please just call out the long number on your debit card when you are ready.”

Elderly Customer: “Oh, I don’t have one of those, dear!”

Me: “Not a problem; we take credit cards and prepaid cards. Just please read me the long number.”

Elderly Customer: “Do you not take cash?”

Me: “Of course! If you wish to pay cash, our delivery person will bring change for whatever notes you have, and you can simply pay him at the door when he brings you your order.”

Elderly Customer: “Oh, I can’t do that! What if he has [illness]?! I want to pay cash now.”

Me: *Puzzled* “Um… I am sorry. I don’t understand.”

Elderly Customer: *Suddenly impatient* “I said that I want to pay you cash! You take cash! So take my cash payment now!”

Me: “…”

Elderly Customer: “Well? Will you or won’t you?”

Me: “Um… you mean now, as in over the phone?”

Elderly Customer: “YES!”

Me: “Um… I can’t do that. It isn’t possible. So, if you have your cash ready at the door when our delivery person arrives, you can leave your payment on the step of your door and he will leave you your change—”

Elderly Customer: *Interrupting in an angry tone* “Listen, will you, you stupid brat? I do not want to do that! I want to pay you now! So take my d*** money over the phone!”

Me: “Okay. Right. So. Like I said previously, ma’am. Your total for today is £63.46. Please go ahead and send your cash over the phone. I will wait.”

Elderly Customer: “…”

Me: “…”

Elderly Customer: *Click*

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 97
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 96
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 95
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 94
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 93

I work at a Christmas market selling sausages at a booth. One customer doesn’t seem happy with the change I gave her.

Customer: “Excuse me, this bill has something written on it. I want another bill.”

Me: *Looking at the bill* “I can’t find anything wrong.”

Customer: *Sighs* “Right here.”

She points at a part of the bill; I can’t help but chuckle.

Me: “Madam, this is the signature of our financial minister. There is one like that on every banknote; it’s printed on and without it, it wouldn’t be valid and would be a forgery.”

Customer: “But there isn’t one on this one!”

She pulls out another note, with an obvious signature on it. I point it out to her.

Me: “There is a signature there, as well, see? It’s just from the last minister. I’m sorry, but you’re keeping other people waiting and I don’t have the time to look through my change to get you a bill with another signature.”

Customer: *Huffs away angrily*