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Not Quite The Next James Cameron

, , , , , | Right | January 19, 2023

A client says he wants to work with me on a video. He immediately sends me a script for a super complicated effects-heavy project, with every shot described exactly to the second.

When I tell him my fee and explain that this will definitely cost extra given how many complicated effects he wants, he acts surprised.

Client: “But my budget is only $200.”

Praise Is Nice But Money Spends Better

, , , | Right | CREDIT: BillyBadA** | January 18, 2023

Today was supposed to be my day off, yet they called me in, and like a sad, broke puppy, I went in.

Most of the night was great — I was bartending and it’s just more fun — except for one table.

This table had four kids with them. They asked for separate checks — of course. The table total was almost a hundred, and not a single one of them tipped. They also left the totals blank. So, filled with bartending bravado, I brought the tickets back.

Me: “Oh, my God, y’all, I’m so sorry. I think I took the wrong slips. I’m supposed to take the copy that has the tip and total written.”

But these jerks were immune to the shame and told me that I had the right copies. Instead, they wrote out a note to my manager saying how awesome I was.

Gee, thanks. I’m sure my landlord will take that. Maybe I can use it to buy my son new shoes.

Oh, wait, no. Obviously, that’s dumb.

I brought the note back to my general manager. (Even without a tip, I want them to know I’m on top of things.) It turned out that one of the people at the table was a former waitress at my restaurant. And after running me ragged, she and the rest of them didn’t leave me a penny. And for the record, I take care of my tables; they had refills, extra sauces, extra napkins, extra lemons, a splash of sour mix in the former waitress’s lemonade because it wasn’t lemony enough, etc.

I always thought that one of the trademarks of a service industry veteran is that we always tip. I was wrong.

I had some great people that made up for them (as it goes). But seriously, any industry person who thinks that an “attagirl” note is an acceptable tip needs to spend the rest of their lives with twelve-top tables of after-church customers.

Planting One’s Feet On A Stupid Price

, , , , , | Right | January 17, 2023

I’m outside in the store’s garden section, where it’s mostly been quiet so far. A woman comes in from the outside area and walks up to the register holding a small pallet of eight plants, somewhere between a small and medium size.

Customer: “Are these still two-for-ten?”

Me: “Let me check.”

I scan one of the plants and it comes up as costing five dollars.

Me: “Yes! The sale is still going on.”

The woman thanks me and walks away. She comes back a few minutes later with a few pallets of eight plants each. 

Customer: “I have four.” 

I nod and start to scan, and I notice that there are some similar-looking plants on two of the pallets. I gesture to one of the pallets with my scan gun.

Me: “How many of these do you have?”

Customer: “Four.”

Me: “Uh. No, how many plants like this do you have? Just this pallet, or are there some on the next pallet, as well?”

Customer: “Oh! Each one is different. I have four.”

Me: “Okay.”

I continue scanning plants, and she steps forward and holds her hand up to stop me.

Customer: “You already scanned that one. Why are you scanning it again?”

Me: “Well, I need to scan them all for the register to tally them up. I could enter it manually, but I can scan faster than it would take to keep going back to the register to fix each one.”

Customer: “It’s two-for-ten on the plants? Not the pallets?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, the sale is on the individual plants.”

She gestures to the pallet I’m scanning.

Customer: “So… how much would that be?”

Me: “Well, there are eight plants, so that would be forty dollars.”

Customer: “WHAT?! Forty dollars for that?!” *Angrily muttering to herself.* “That’s f****** ridiculous!” *Back to me* “I don’t want them.”

She walked away, leaving me to wonder how she thought plants of that size would be less than a dollar apiece in the first place.

Way Better Than Your Average Wednesday

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: JustDraggingAlong | January 17, 2023

I work in a restaurant. It was a slow Wednesday, and this lawyer regular of mine reserved a table for himself and seven of his lawyer buddies for 4:00 pm.

I like these guys. They tend to show off sometimes — one of them usually arrives in his Cullinan (Rolls-Royce) or the Mulsanne (Bentley) with his chauffeur, and other ones brag about their courtroom successes — but mostly, they are a respectable bunch and they always leave at least a 40% tip. They know and remember me by name and always ask for me specifically.

I made a pretty good prix fixe menu for them; they completely trust me with ordering for them. They ordered a few bottles of Champagne. I let them bring their own scotch — Glenfiddich, twenty-six years old — and they even poured me a few drams. Everything was going swimmingly.

They rang up a total bill of around $2,000 with a 20% service charge added on top of that, and tipped me another $400.

However, they did not plan on leaving just yet. By that time, they were really tipsy, smoked some weed — it’s legal now here in NYC — and decided to stay and continue the fun. It was already closing time by then, but what the h***? I just let them stay since I was in charge of the shift.

Since I let them stay, they became even more friendly and kept tipping me every time I checked on them. I’m not talking about twenties or fifties — only straight-up hundred-dollar bills. I kind of let them smoke inside. F*** it — they were the only table there and one of them gave me extra $500 to kind of disregard the fact that they were smoking.

They ended up inviting some girls for champagne, had a grand time, and ended up leaving round 1:00 am, drunk, high and in a really good mood.

Only two people were working that day: my busser and me. I paid him $1,500, and I left with $2,300 in my pocket. So, yeah, it was a very good day — the most that I have ever made in one shift.

I guess there is no moral to the story; I just wanted to share my pleasant experience. Cheers! And may all of you have such fruitful shifts on weekly basis.

Just Your Average Romp Through Retail Returns

, , , | Right | CREDIT: Kiki Parker | January 16, 2023

I am an assistant store manager for a popular plus-size brand in the USA. It is around the holidays, and we just had a great sale a week or so ago.

A woman comes in to return a pull-on romper. She’s pretty upset because it’s not her size and, therefore, it didn’t fit.

At my store, we have a loyalty program; if you buy an item with your account, the system logs all the information.

Me: “Do you have a loyalty account?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, great. And do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “No, I don’t.”

I take a minute to scan the item to see if the price she paid pops up. No dice. I manually check her store purchases, and there it is.

Me: “Luckily, the computer stored your purchase and you will be getting $37.99 back.”

Customer: “Why am I not getting the full price back?”

I blink hard twice, hoping she says, “Haha! Just kidding! That sounds great.” Still looking me dead in the eye, she says:

Customer: “The ticket says $75.90. Why am I not getting back the ticketed price?”

I’m realizing that she is, in fact, very serious. I show her my screen, which has all the information about her purchase, including the price she paid for the romper, but she still wants the ticketed price. I try not to laugh in her face because of her audacity. She tries to threaten me with calling corporate.

Me: “I’m very sorry that I cannot give you the ticketed price. I can only give you the price you paid plus your sales tax back. Let me write down our customer service number, along with my name, so you can call corporate. They are not open right now, but they open at 9:00 am tomorrow.”

She grabbed the romper from my hands and stormed out.

About twenty minutes later, she came back in and I completed her return.

I still chuckle to myself when I think about this because if she had said she didn’t have a loyalty account and no receipt, the computer would have given her more money back. I also have no idea why she didn’t just go to one of our other five stores and try again. We have two locations that are about fifteen minutes from ours.