A Porsche Choice Of Words

, , , , , | Working | November 29, 2018

(I work for a very small, family-run business. The bosses are amazing, but since they come from money, have money, and do things like go out to ski over a long weekend, they tend to forget how to relate to people who don’t have money.)

Warehouse Guy: “Hey. Can someone give me a jump? My truck died, again.”

Me: *laughing* “Dude, you need to get a new car.”

Warehouse Guy: “Yeah, I have a friend who’s selling a car that I’m buying this month, so it might be sooner.”

(Next day:)

Warehouse Guy: *comes in with a very beat-up, old, four-door car* “Hey, look at my car!”

Me: “Is it going to run?”

Warehouse Guy: “Yeah, they basically replaced just about everything with it, except for the outside, but it was about 150 cheaper than I thought, so I’m good. Plus, it has air!”

Boss: “Huh… You know what is a great car? The Porsche! You should have gotten one of those; they look so sleek.”

([Warehouse Guy] and I exchange looks, because between the both of us, neither one of us would be able to buy one of those outright on either of our salaries.)

Warehouse Guy: “I’ll… keep that in mind.”

(The boss walks off, humming.)

Things Customers Leave In Cars: Their Cash, IDs, And A Million Excuses

, , , , | Right | November 29, 2018

(I work at a custom teddy bear shop where you make your own stuffed animal. It can get pretty pricey, between all the extras and clothing items and whatnot. A young man in his 20s grabs one of our fully-outfitted displays and takes it up to the counter.)

Customer: “I’d like this for my girlfriend, please.”

Me: “Sure thing!” *quickly rings through the display dog with several items of clothing* “That’ll be $70, please.”

Customer: “Umm…”’

(He digs through his wallet slowly, comes up with a $10 bill, and hands it to me.)

Me: “Er… I still need $60.”

Customer: “Oh.” *again makes a show of looking through his wallet* “Uh, I left the rest of my cash in the car; just let me go get it.”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

(I handed the $10 back. He left hastily and did not return.)

Beggars Belief How Rich They Are

, , , , , | Friendly | November 28, 2018

(I am a university student, and money is beyond tight. I am walking through the station, catching a train home for the holidays, when a beggar stops me, asking for money.)

Beggar: “Hey, you. I need money for a ticket; can you spare me a tenner?”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t have any coins on me.”

Beggar: “That’s okay; I can easily break a hundred for you.”

Me: “Then you have more money than me, so no. Goodbye.”

(She followed me, cursing at me all through the station, until I detoured past a couple of police officers walking by and slipped away.)

Two Birds In The Hand Are Worth Three In The Bush

, , , , , , | Working | November 28, 2018

I was looking for a new place to live. I saw a flat close to the city centre and right next door to my college, within my budget, so I arranged a viewing. The viewing went well, so I put in an application.

A week or two later I got a phone call to say I had been accepted and arranged a date to sign the tenancy. The woman I spoke to on the phone told me I would need to pay a deposit equal to one month’s rent and a month’s rent up front.

I arrived the day of the signing and had actually signed all of the paperwork when they informed me it was actually three lots of the rent amount I needed to pay, not two. They seemed convinced that they told me this on the phone. No big deal. It was a communication error. I told them I would be able to pay that in two week’s time, as that’s when I’d get paid. They said they’d have to run that past the landlord.

They phoned me a day or two later to tell me the landlord didn’t want to let to me anymore. I was irritated as the tenancy on my old place was about to run out and I had no more time to find a new place. I ended up staying with friends until I could find another place.

The real kicker is that the place ended up being up for let for around six months. All because the landlord didn’t want to wait two weeks.

The Gift Of Being Too Stupid To Use Gift Cards

, , , , | Right | November 28, 2018

(I work as a barista in a large corporate coffee chain. I help a man load two gift cards with $30 each, and give him the main receipt and two separate receipts — one for each card. He comes back a few minutes later.)

Customer: *places gift cards on the counter* “I loaded these with $30 earlier and called the number on the back. They said there is only $22.50 in each of them.”

Me: *genuinely confused* “Sorry, sir? You called the number on the back of the gift card?”

Customer: *grunts* “This number right here!” *shows me the phone number* “You didn’t load the $30 that I paid!”

Me: “I included the receipts for each card in the envelopes, but I can check the balance for you again and reprint the receipts if you’d like.”

Customer: “Yeah, do it!”

(I am extremely confused now, as this is the first customer I’ve ever had call in right after I have given him receipts. I scan the cards and print the receipts.)

Me: “Here you go, sir. Both of your cards have $30 according to the system, the same as when I activated them earlier. Perhaps they heard the wrong card numbers over the phone?”

Customer: *completely appalled by my response* “How can you mess up 16 numbers in a card?! I called the number, and they said there’s $22.50 on the cards! This has never happened with [Large Tech Retail Company]. The balance is always the same on the card and what they tell me is on it!”

Me: *checks the balances of the gift card again* “My system says $30… I really can’t say much else, sir.”

Customer: “NO! This has never happened before! What’s wrong with you?!”

Me: *growing slightly irritated by his increasing rudeness towards me* “Well, sir, [Coffee Chain] is based in the US and the number you called is actually US. If it’s $22.50, it may be in the US currency. If you’d like, try to call again and ask what currency it is in.”

Customer: “What are you talking about?! There’s $22.50 on the cards!”

(I tried to explain to him two more times, but I realised this customer wouldn’t listen to me any time soon. I spin around to the two supervisors standing behind me. I quickly explained this customer’s problem and backed away. We ended up refunding his gift cards. Sometimes the words go in one ear and straight out of the other.)

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