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Money Management Can Make Or Break A Relationship

, , , , , | Romantic | September 4, 2021

My girlfriend comes home to find me setting up a pair of surround sound speakers.

Girlfriend: “Are these new?”

Me: “Yeah, they are the ones I told you I was getting.”

Girlfriend: “They look expensive.”

Me: “They were a bit, but I’ve been putting money away.”

Girlfriend: “Well, if you have all this money, you can treat me.”

Me: “Wait, no. I saved up while you spent your money on yourself. I suggested you start a savings account, but you didn’t want to.”

Girlfriend: “You have savings and you are going to just spend it on yourself?”

Me: “Yes.”

Girlfriend: “Well, maybe I will do the same!”

Me: “You do already. You spend every paycheck on clothes and shoes. I told you that you should have at least some savings. What happens if your car breaks down?”

Girlfriend: “I’ll just use yours.”

Me: *Pauses* “I’m not sure you’re getting this whole equal relationship thing.”

I guess that was the beginning of the end. We never moved past the “what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is also mine” thing. It didn’t last long.

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A Tale Of A Table Of Twenty-Two And How They Tipped

, , , , , , | Right | CREDIT: Big-Prior-5878 | September 3, 2021

I work at a restaurant in a resort hotel that has a roughly 400-person occupancy post-health crisis, and to say I’ve been getting burnt out is an understatement to the Nth degree. After a rough Friday and Saturday — fifty-plus-minute ticket times, an hour-long waitlist, and just a complete dumpster fire start to finish — I had absolutely no desire to go in yesterday. My faith in humanity was decimated. But I went, and holy s*** was it the best decision I’ve made this year.

The last table of the night was a twenty-two-top youth basketball team with eight adults. I was already pissed, thinking they’d make a mess and have a million split tickets. Then, an angel from the walk-in in the sky blessed me with their presence. All one ticket. More or less well-behaved kids. Everyone was nice and patient. Food came out right. I thought I was having a stroke or another work dream. This angel of a man who was taking care of the tab tipped me $1,200 on top of the included $240 gratuity.

I have never in my life cried from happiness at work in my life. Sad cry? Yes. Angry cry? Abso-f******-lutely. Work July Fourth lakeside and the kitchen catches on fire cry? Just the one time. But never happy crying. This man gave me over $1,400 and could not have been nicer. And I almost called out. My faith in humanity is restored and my eyes are puffy from crying. To think I was dreading coming to work and almost called out.

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How Dare You Satisfactorily Answer My Questions!

, , , , , | Right | September 2, 2021

I used to work at a hole-in-the-wall retail computer repair shop in a not-so-good part of town. I’d frequently get customers who had outlandish requests and even more outlandish complaints.

I made sure to post printouts with info about all of our services on the wall next to the register in an attempt to ward off complaints and questions. This included prices, payment types accepted, etc.

Me: “Your total is $84.02.”

Customer: “What?! You said it would be $79!”

Me: “Yes, $79 with sales tax, which is $84.02.”

Customer: “Where does it say that there’s tax?!”

I indicated the prominent “plus tax” on the invoice.

Me: “It’s printed right here on the paper.”

Customer: “How was I supposed to know that there’s sales tax?!”

I pointed to the poster next to the register.

Me: “State sales tax info, right here. The number on the bottom is for the Connecticut General Assembly if you would like to complain.”

The customer could only grumble for the rest of the transaction. He didn’t expect me to have that info on-hand and displayed prominently!

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 103

, , , , , | Right | September 1, 2021

I work in a bank, and I’ve just finished counting back a customer’s cash back.

Customer: “Why is my balance only $50?”

Me: “Well, you did have $70, but you took out $20.”

Customer: “I should still have $70.”

Me: “But you took out $20.”

Customer: “Did [Bank] take my money? WHERE IS MY MONEY?!”

Me: “You had $70 in your account.”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “You took out $20 in cash.”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “$70 minus $20 equals $50.”

Customer: “I don’t get it.”

Me: “All right, let’s try this again. Instead of having $70 in the bank, you now have $50 in the bank and $20 in cash.”

Customer: “But why don’t I have $70 in the bank?”

Me: “$50 in the bank plus $20 in cash equals $70 total.”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “You don’t have $70 in the bank anymore because you took out $20. $70 minus $20 equals $50.”

The customer stares at me with a confused look on his face.

Me: “$50 in the bank plus the $20 bill in your hand equals $70.”

Customer: “I still don’t get it.”

Me: “Sir, I’m not sure how to explain it to you any other way.”

Customer: “Eh, it’s fine. I must’ve spent the money on something and just forgotten about it.”

I give up.

Me: “Yes, sir, that’s probably what happened.”

Customer: “Makes sense. Thank you!”

He walks out.

Coworker: “Wow.” 

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 102
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 101
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 100
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 99
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 98

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You Ever Heard Of The Italian Tax?

, , , , , | Working | August 31, 2021

There is an upscale restaurant here where you get your food by going to various cooking stations. There are stations for steaks, roast chicken, vegetables, desserts, coffee, etc. You collect what you want and then pay at the end.

The coffee station lists various fancy coffees, including Cafe au Lait for $2.80 and Cafe Latte for $2.95. One is of French origin and the other Italian.

I catch the barista’s attention.

Me: “What’s the difference between these two coffees?”

Barista: “Fifteen cents.”

As I expected.

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