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Illogical Conclusions

, , , , | Right | March 19, 2008

(One day a man broke into our staff-only area and stole mine and my colleague’s purses and phones. This exchange took place about two minutes after I disturbed the burglar and he ran past me. I was in a bad state of shock.)

Customer: “What’s happened?”

Me: “Someone has just broken into upstairs and stolen our purses and mobiles.”

Customer: “Well, you know why that is don’t you? It’s because your prices are so high!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Well if your prices weren’t so high then people wouldn’t need to do that.”

Me: “I’m sorry… you believe that because you think our stock is expensive that it gave someone the right to steal my personal possessions?”

(The customer then looked around her and noticed the rest of the queue staring at her in disbelief.)

Customer: “Well it’s not that I think… I mean… some might say… I…”

(She stuttered incoherently for a while and then paid for her items in silence.)

Next Customer: “What a complete fool! Are you alright, dear?”


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Putting The Me In Blame

, , , | Right | March 16, 2008

(I rang up a customer and about ten minutes later, the woman comes back in, cuts in front of the rest of the line and begins yelling at me.)

Customer: “You never gave me my credit card back! You stole it!”

Me: “No, ma’am, I did not steal your credit card. I gave it back to you.”

Customer: “No you didn’t! I know you stole it! I demand my credit card back!”

(This goes on for ten minutes as I continue ringing up other customers, all of them staring at the insane woman screaming at me.)

Customer: “I looked everywhere and I cannot find my credit card! I know you have it!”

(She opens her wallet to show me that her credit card is missing. I spot the credit card in her wallet.)

Me: “Is your credit card a light-blue visa?”

Customer: “YES!”

Me: “…It’s in your wallet, right there.”

(She storms out with an attitude and doesn’t even apologize.)


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Fax Me A Pizza While You’re At It

, , | Right | March 10, 2008

(After customer made copies of several $100 dollar bills on a self-serve copier.)

Customer: “I need to send this money.”

Me: “Err–what did you need to do?”

Customer: “I need to send this money to my son. What’s it called? Fax it!”

Me: “…I’ll ring you up for these copies. There’s a Western Union next door.”

Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota

, , , | Right | March 10, 2008

(A customer gives me a Canadian quarter. I refuse to accept it. He gets angry.)

Me: “Sir, I can’t accept this quarter. It’s Canadian.”

Customer: “So? I got it from somewhere in the US so you must accept it.”

Me: “No, sir, I can not. My drawer will come up short.”

Customer: “It’s not my fault someone gave me this quarter! Why should I take the blame for it? Take the quarter!”

Me: “Oh, I see. So it is my fault, then?”

Customer: “YES! Take the quarter!”

(I take a quarter out of my pocket and then throw that Canadian quarter across the room to a trash can.)

Customer: “Call your manager.”

Me: *smiling* “I am the owner, sir. How can I help you?”

 

Oh, How The Truth Doth Sting

, , , , | Right | February 15, 2008

(As a result of the US/Canadian currency parity, a lot of customers have been angry that they have to pay the Canadian price instead of the cheaper US price.)

Customer: “Which price do I have to pay: the American or Canadian?”

Coworker: “I’m afraid you have to pay the Canadian price.”

Customer: *angrily* “Why?”

Coworker: “Quite simply, we buy from Canadian publishers with Canadian money. Also, that book was bought before the price parity; therefore, to sell at the American price would mean that we would not be making any money.”

Customer: “Well, I want you to explain to my seven-year-old daughter why she’s not getting this book for Christmas.”

Me: “…because her dad is a cheapskate?”


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