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The State Eats Cuddly Puppies & Kittens, Too

, , , | Right | November 6, 2007

Me: “Good Afternoon, [Mississippi Government Department]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I would like y’all to get me some food stamps. My kids are hungry and I got fired last week.”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t issue food stamps. You need to contact the Department of Human Services.”

Caller: “What?! My cousin told me to call y’all and y’all would get us fed. I know the State has lots of monies, can’t you just send us some?”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, you need to call DHS and they will be able to assist you.”

Caller: “F*** You! The God-D***ed State never does a d*** thing for us poor folks! I hope you feel the fires of Hell for starving children!” *click*

Me: *stunned silence*

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I Think She Wants A Discount

, , , , | Right | November 5, 2007

Trainee: “Hey, this woman would like to buy an iPod Touch. But she’s asking for a discount.”

Me: *to the lady customer* “Hi, so you’re interested in an iPod Touch?”

Customer: “Discount?”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t offer anything below our tagged price. It already has a guaranteed low price.”

Customer: “Discount?”

Me: “If you’re worried about money, you can choose to apply for a store credit card. With it you can buy this iPod Touch and have three months to pay interest-free.”

Customer: “Okay, so I get a card and get a discount?”

Me: “No, but you have three months to pay.”

Customer: “What’s the price in three months?”

Me: “It’s the same price as now.”

Customer: “Okay. What’s the price after the three months?”

Me: “It is the exact same price as you see here now. But with the card you get three months to pay for it.”

Customer: “Discount?”

Me: “Okay, let’s ring this up for you.”


This story is part of our Demands For Discounts roundup!

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Arr, Matey! I Be Wanting Ye Gold Doubloons!

, , , | Right | October 30, 2007

Me: “Welcome to [Bank]. What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “Do you guys sell gold here?”

Me: “Well, our financial advisor can take care of all your commodity trades. Let me introduce…”

Customer: “No, I mean do you SELL gold here?”

Me: “Um… what do you mean, exactly?”

Customer: “Can I buy gold?”

Me: “As in… a brick of gold?”

Customer: “Yes, I want to buy a couple of bricks.”

Me: “Um… no. I believe they stopped doing that in the 1920s.”

Customer: “Well, you SHOULD!”

Me: “Okay…”


This story is part of our Bank Customer roundup!

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Apparently, It Grows On Trees Nowadays

, , | Right | October 27, 2007

Disgruntled Bank Customer: “What do you mean I don’t have any money? I still have checks in my book!”

(Customer opened up the checkbook, showing off the blank checks.)


This story is part of the Ignorant About Money roundup!

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I’ll Have Your Skills And Experience, To Go

, , , | Right | October 24, 2007

Client: “In the future, I’d prefer not to pay you to make websites for me. I’ve seen what you do, and I think it’s pretty easy. Can you just teach me how to do your web stuff?”

Me: “If you’re really interested, I guess I can teach you the basics of web design, but it’s going to require at least several lessons and it’ll cost $[amount] for every hour I spend with you.

Client: “GOD, do you have to charge for everything?!”


This story is part of the Entitled Customers roundup!

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