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Making A Mocha-ry Of Yourself, Part 6

, , , , , | Right | February 24, 2024

Customer: “I want a mocha but no coffee in it.”

Me: “Oh, so you want a hot chocolate?”

Customer: “No, I want a mocha.”

Me: “A mocha is espresso with chocolate. Without the coffee, it’s just chocolate.”

Customer: “I want a mocha but with no coffee.”

I look at my manager, who has heard the interaction.

Manager: “Just charge him $3.90 for a hot choccy milky.”

I did. He seemed happy. Regular hot chocolate was $2.50. 

Related:
Making A Mocha-ry Of Yourself, Part 5
Making A Mocha-ry Of Yourself, Part 4
Making A Mocha-ry Of Yourself, Part 3
Making A Mocha-ry Of Yourself, Part 2
Making A Mocha-ry Of Yourself

When Your Explanation Runs Out Of Juice

, , , , , , , | Right | February 23, 2024

Me: “Can I get y’all started on some drinks?”

Customer: “Can I get a virgin screwdriver?”

I laugh, thinking she’s joking.

Me: “One orange juice, gotcha.”

Customer: *Deadly serious* “No. I want a virgin screwdriver.”

Me: “A screwdriver is just vodka and orange juice. Take away the alcohol, and it’s just… well… orange juice.”

Customer: “Are you going to bring me what I ask for,or do I need to get your manager?”

She got her $8.95 OJ!

Apparently, He Didn’t Care For Your Metaphor

, , , , | Right | February 23, 2024

A client called yesterday and asked if I could do a “quick” logo for him. He said he just wanted something with a palm tree and a warm color palette to advertise his beachside restaurant. Normally, I would reject a job for a “quick” logo because they take time and research to complete, but I’d worked for this client several times before, so I gave him a quote and started to work.

After I sent him three comps in oranges, reds, and yellows featuring sunshine and palm trees, he texted me.

Client: “I don’t like them. They look like Miami!”

I rolled my eyes before texting him back.

Me: “Sorry you are disappointed. That is your font I was working with. It is definitely an art deco font, and yes, Miami is very art deco.”

Client: “Is it going to cost more to get a couple more samples? The black letters are way overpowering, too.”

Me: “Yes, it is going to cost more. If a customer in your restaurant was still hungry, he would have to pay for more food, right?”

He didn’t reply right away.

Me: “So, do we want to ditch the font, then? Maybe you could give me a call?”

I haven’t heard back from him.

Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 28

, , , , , , , , , , | Right | February 22, 2024

Me: “Your total comes to $33.81.”

Customer: “I only have $20.”

Me: “…”

Customer: *Stares at me expectantly*

Me: “…”

Customer: “Can I still have it?”

Me: “…no.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Do you not know how shopping works?” 

Related:
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 27
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 26
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 25
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 24
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 23

This Story Comes With Karma Ink-cluded

, , , , , , , , | Right | February 21, 2024

A woman comes into my print shop on a Thursday, three hours before we close for a three-day Christmas vacation (Friday, Saturday, and Sunday).

She wants an elaborate sixty-page program, complete with photos and bios, for a formal dinner honoring the recipient of an award. Since the job is complicated, I handle it myself.

I’m the general manager of the print shop and have over twenty-seven years of experience in the business, both in printing and in graphic design. The woman is rude and demanding, but I’m used to dealing with difficult people in this job.

Client: “I want the proof by Monday.”

Me: “That will be impossible since tomorrow is Christmas Eve and we’ll be closed until Monday morning.”

Client: *Blowing a gasket* “No! I need that proof for Monday! I’ll take my business somewhere else if you don’t accommodate me!”

I’m thinking, “Sure, you will. Like you’re going to find someone else to work over the Christmas holidays, right?” However, I do have a freelance graphic designer who might just take on the job. I call him, and since he’s single and really doesn’t have any plans for Christmas, he’s willing to take the job and earn some extra cash.

Okay, problem solved!

I go over the design and layout she wants, and I make multiple suggestions in order to make it look really professional.

I give the information to my designer, who works over the Christmas holidays and turns in the proof on Monday for the client to view. I call her.

Client: “Oh, I’m too tired from yesterday. I’ll come in on Wednesday.”

Sigh…

She comes in and, of course, makes revisions — that’s to be expected from any client — and off it goes, back to the designer to make the changes.

After multiple proofs, we finally have an approved proof, ready to print. The cover of the program features the recipient’s name and photo. The client looks over paper samples and picks out a stock for the cover: a very dark navy blue, so dark it is almost black.

Me: “Because the cover is so dark, I suggest a gold or silver ink.”

Client: “I am having none of that! You just want me to pay extra for colored ink! Don’t think I haven’t noticed that your black ink is no extra charge.”

Me: “Black ink won’t show up on a dark navy blue cover—”

She slams her hand down on the counter.

Client: “Why can’t I have this program the way I want?! This isn’t your program. It’s mine, and I want black ink!

At that point, I stop any suggestions or discussions about the program. I make her sign off on the proof and the specs and send her on her way.

Right before we start printing the cover, I stop the press and speak with my pressman. I KNOW the cover is going to look like crap, and I do not want to print it with black ink.

Pressman: “Oh, I agree with you one hundred percent. But I need to point out that if you don’t print it the way she approved it and signed off on it, then she can legally refuse to pay for the job.”

Me: *Sighs* “You’re right. Go ahead and print it… dark blue cover, black ink.”

Of course, I was right; you can barely see the ink on the cover. The job is printed and ready for pick-up on the day of the ceremony. Luckily for me, the client sends her daughter to pick up the job, and I am able, on that day, to avoid the s***-storm I know is coming.

Sure enough the next day, in she comes, ranting and raving.

Client: “That cover looked like crap! You couldn’t see the printing on the front!”

Me: “Ma’am, I tried to suggest not using black ink.”

She throws a hissy fit to try to get her way, and I even quote the hand-slamming statement she made to me.

Me: “Ma’am, you treated me like I was an idiot instead of someone with twenty-seven years of experience in this business.”

She storms out, screaming that she will not pay for the job. She actually calls her bank and cancels the check. The bill for the job is $2,700, including the $800 I have already paid the freelance designer to do the job over the holidays. We end up suing her for the money.

Once she’s served, she comes back into my shop.

Client: “I want to talk to the owners!”

I go talk to the owners, who are aware of the situation. They look like they might be wavering a bit.

Me: “If you do not back me on this, and if you even dare to give her a discount, I’ll quit immediately, right here and now. No way, no how am I letting that spoiled, mean, nasty, entitled client win this contest.”

The owners do not back down.

We end up taking her to court, and we win. She sneers at us in court and tells us:

Client: “It will be a cold day in Hell before I pay you.”

I think to myself, “We’ll see about that.” We then file a judgment against her for the money owed. What she doesn’t realize is that when there is a judgment filed against you, it ruins your credit. Try to get a car loan or mortgage with a judgment against you. You can’t even get a credit card from a bank.

It takes about eight months for this fact of life to bite her in the a**. She shows up in my shop again.

Client: “Look, you’ve made your point. I need you to drop the judgment as I want to buy a house but it’s stopping me from getting a mortgage.”

Me: “Sure, we’ll drop it… as soon as you pay it.” 

Before she left, she ended up writing us a check for the full amount, all the while cussing us out from one end to the other.

Before we deposited the check, I copied it and hung the copy on my wall with the word KARMA written on it in big-a** black letters. I know it’s not very Christian of me, but every time I looked at that check, I smiled. It was proof that what goes around comes around, and sometimes you get lucky enough to actually see it come around.