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Friend-To-Friend Exchange Rates Are Getting Bad

, , | Friendly | May 24, 2022

I was visiting my friend to help with something. I was actively busy playing with her little girls while she cleaned up some stuff when she suddenly showed up to ask me a question.

Friend: “I don’t suppose you want to buy some quarters?”

Me: “Not really, no. I try not to carry any change.”

Friend: “I could sell you ten for twenty bucks.”

Me: “Oh, well, that’s such a bargain, I’d be a fool to say no!”

Friend: “Yeah, I’m willing to sell them at a discount to get rid of them.”

She eventually realized the cause of my sarcasm and clarified that they were collector coins — worth more than twenty dollars. She had been planning to give them as a gift to a friend but for some reason had changed her mind. She was offering them to me to avoid the hassle of reselling them through proper channels.

I still turned her down. I don’t want the hassle of figuring out how to resell them, either.

Was The Book “Bartering For Dummies”?

, , , , , , , | Right | May 23, 2022

It’s approximately 5:30 on a Saturday night — about thirty minutes before we close. I’m alone at the counter while my only other coworker is in the shelves tidying things up. Two teenage boys come in, one wearing what appears to be a band uniform consisting of a black button-up, black slacks, and a silver tie. It strikes me as a little odd, but I don’t really think anything of it.

About ten minutes later, the boy comes up to the counter with a book in his hand.

Boy: “Yeah, so… I don’t have any money, but what about—” *slowly places an unopened can of soda on the counter* “—you take this?”

Me: “Sorry, mate, no can do.”

Boy: “Oh. That’s okay. I’ll just go put it back.”

Me: *Holding back laughter* “Sure thing.”

Boy: “Did you, uh… want the soda anyway?”

Me: “Sure…? Why not? Thanks, mate.”

He proceeds to hand over the soda and I put it behind the counter. [Boy] wanders back into the shelves, followed by his friend. Five or so minutes later, he leaves with his friend. Then, my coworker comes wandering up, clutching another can of soda with a confused expression on his face.

Coworker: “Did he…?”

Me: “Yup.”

Coworker: “Did you…?”

Me: “Nope.”

Coworker: “But you…?”

Me: *Holding up my own can* “Yup.”

No ID, No Room

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: ThatsNoMoOnx | May 23, 2022

A man walks into my hotel lobby at about 2:00 am.

Guest: Please tell me you have a room. I just need one bed to sleep. I got a flat tire driving from [City] and literally came into the parking lot on metal!”

As we’re right off the highway, we get a lot of these. No problem; I have a few rooms left to sell.

Me: “Oh, man, that sounds horrible! I have a few rooms left; however, they are double queen rooms. The rate is $159 plus tax.”

Guest: *Pauses* “Oh, dang. You don’t have anything cheaper than that?”

I sort of feel for the dude because I just came in tonight and found that [Hotel Chain] decided it wanted to have four tiers of pricing instead of three, so the queen rooms are no longer the same price as the king rooms.

Me: “Unfortunately, no. I can give you a AAA discount which will save you 10%. I will need to see your ID.”

The guy looks in his pockets.

Guest: “Hold on, I left it in my car.”

He comes back with no ID.

Guest: “So, how badly do you need my ID?”

Me: “Pretty bad, since you can’t rent a room without one.”

Guest: “I have money! I can pay for the room! I just need somewhere to sleep until I can get this tire fixed. I left my ID in [City] and I’m driving to [Town].”

Who travels that many miles without a driver’s license that isn’t up to no good? Sorry, but I’m judgy. I instantly feel like he’s up to something.

Me: “That’s all well and good, but I have no idea who you are and no way to know who you really are, and I can’t rent a room to some rando.”

Guest: “Aw, man, I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

I looked up a twenty-four-hour tire fix company and gave him the number. Thankfully, he left the lobby, so hopefully, they came and got him out of my parking lot. I didn’t see him when I left.

I really don’t think he had a flat. But the point is if you don’t have an ID, you don’t get a room.

Check The Checks But Cash The Cash!

, , , , | Right | May 23, 2022

I’m a bank teller. The local school district banks at our location, and they always have large amounts of checks to drop off for deposit. One such deposit has just arrived. The lady dropping it off has her child with her, who is asking for candy. I turn around, grab our candy basket, and hold it out to the kid. The kid grabs a lollipop, and they go on their way.

I get to work, totaling up the deposit, and realize that it’s off by several hundred dollars. I add up the checks two more times and get the same amount each time. The branch manager is walking by as I’m trying to figure it out.

Manager: “Need my help?”

Me: “Yes, please. The deposit is off [amount] and I’m stuck. I’ve added the checks up three times.”

She comes behind the line and adds them up. She frowns, picks up the deposit slip, and studies it.

Manager: “Okay, so the check total is correct. Wait! I think I found it. Was there any cash with this deposit?”

Me: “No, just checks.”

Manager: “They have [amount over $500] in cash noted on this deposit.”

I grab the deposit slip and stare at it. Sure enough, in tiny print, it’s indicated on the “cash” line.

Me: “All she gave me was a pile of checks. No cash.”

Manager: “You’re sure?”

Me: “Yes.”

Manager: “Hmm. I’m gonna do some digging. Don’t panic.”

She heads back to her desk. Meanwhile, I am panicking, because missing that much cash is a fireable offense. Several minutes later, she calls me over. She looks furious.

Manager: “I need you to watch this and tell me exactly what you see.”

She pulls up the camera feed from my station. In the video, the school district representative takes out a pile of cash and a pile of checks but only hands me the checks. She sets the cash on the counter. When I turn away to grab the candy basket, she sweeps the cash back into her purse.

Manager: “Well?”

Me: “Looks like that cash sprouted legs.”

Manager: “Have a seat. I emailed [Fraud Department Manager] and now I’m going to call the district office.”

She puts the phone on speaker and dials the person in charge of bank deposits.

Manager: “Yes, hi. My name is [Manager] and I’m the manager of [Branch]. It looks like your deposit is missing the cash portion today. I was wondering if maybe your representative forgot to give it to my teller.”

District: “Nope, she came back with an empty bank bag. Maybe you should check your teller.”

Excuse me?! I open my mouth to say something, but she holds up a hand.

Manager: “Here’s the deal. I reviewed the security footage and it looks like a stack of cash vanished into your rep’s purse when my teller turned around. Our fraud department is aware and ready to speak to you if there’s any doubt.”

Silence on the line.

Manager: “Or would you prefer [City] police?”

District: “That’s not necessary. She’ll be back within the hour.”

They hang up.

Manager: “Mind if I join you behind the teller line?”

About fifteen minutes later, the representative from earlier breezes back in with a huge smile on her face. She comes to my window and plops the cash on the counter. The manager appears behind me with her arms folded and a ferocious scowl.

Representative: “Hi! Silly me, can’t believe I missed this!”

Me: “I saw the security footage.”

Representative: “Um… well, you see—”

Me: “Nope. You tried to pin this on me. There’s no excuse.”

She turns bright red.

Representative: “Can I go now?”

Me: “No. I’d like you to wait until I count this.”

Manager: “And then I’m going to have our vault teller verify it. We’d hate for any to go missing.”

Representative: *Mumbles* “That’s fair.”

It is correct, and the representative shuffles out. The branch manager nods in satisfaction.

Manager: “Not at my branch, lady.”

Twenty Dollar Vision

, , , , , | Right | May 21, 2022

A very friendly woman has just paid for her $18 concession order with a crisp, brand-new $20 bill. About ten minutes later, she storms up to me, absolutely furious.

Customer: “Give me my $20 right now!”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “I’m missing a $20 bill from my wallet! I must have given it to you! Give me $20 out of your register RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “I apologize if I didn’t give you the proper change back. Unfortunately, I can’t just give you $20 out of my register and risk being short $20 at the end of the night. But if you’d like, I can have a manager come out and check the sales on my register and the cash in my drawer. If you did accidentally give me an extra $20 bill, it should show up as a discrepancy and I’ll be able to return it to you immediately. It’s been a very slow day, so it shouldn’t take more than five minutes for them to check. If you want to give me your seat number, I can even come find you and let you know if we have your $20, and return it if that’s the case.”

Customer: “That’s not good enough! I want $20 right this instant!”

Me: “Again, ma’am, I cannot just simply give you $20 from my register and risk being short $20 at the end of the night just because you asked me to. But I can have a manager come out, check the register, and resolve the situation.”

Customer: *Bellowing* “I WANT MY $20!”

The screaming alerts my managers, who come out and try to address the woman.

Customer: *Pointing to me* “I want that f****** thief fired! He stole $20 from me! He probably pocketed it!”

Figuring it might defuse the situation, I pull out my pockets and then open my wallet in front of the woman at her insistence. Thank God I only have about $5 in singles in there. Regardless, she continues to scream that I’m a thief until the managers threaten to have her kicked out for causing a scene. We finally calm down the woman, and my manager counts my drawer as I suggested in the first place.

Manager: “Ma’am, there is an extra $20 on record in this register…”

Customer: “I knew it!”

Manager: “But I think we’ve found the problem. Did you just go to the bank?”

Customer: “Um… yes?”

Manager: “Did they give you new $20 bills?”

Customer: “Yes?”

My manager holds up what looks like a single, crisp, brand-new $20 bill. He then rubs his fingers against it, and the bill splits into two $20s.

Manager: “Yeah, right here. There are two brand-new $20s. They looked like one because they were perfectly stuck together. You probably grabbed it thinking it was one $20, and my cashier didn’t notice it, either. Here’s your $20.”

He hands the extra $20 to the customer.

Customer: “Um… thanks. That makes sense, I guess.”

She immediately turns and looks at me with a sour face.

Customer: “I still think you were trying to steal it, you little thief! You should be fired and arrested!”

She finally turned and walked toward her theater.