Buy A Bible Or You’ll Have The Devil To Pay

, , , , , | Right | August 10, 2017

(Where I live, people are quite devout when it comes to their religious beliefs. I am waiting in line at a local bookstore. The woman ahead of me puts a bible down on the counter, and the cashier reluctantly picks it up and scans it.)

Cashier: “That will be, umm, £6.66 please.”

(Both I and the woman stare at the little display, showing that a discount percentage has been applied due to a sale.)

Woman: “I don’t know what to do. It’s the Holy Bible, but it’s clearly satanic.

Me: “It’s just the sale price.”

Woman: “I know. Are the owner’s Satanists?”

Cashier: “I don’t think so. The sale was decided by the publishers, as they’ve released a newer edition with a hardback.”

Woman: ”Is it more holy?”

Cashier: “It’s definitely more expensive.”

Woman: ”I don’t know what to do…”

(After some serious consideration, the woman agreed to buy both the sale bible and the new £37.99 edition with an elaborate hardback and velvet marker.)

Me: “What will you do with the cheaper one?”

Woman: “I’ll take it to my church and dip it in holy water. If it doesn’t burn I’ll donate it.”

(Finally I’m able to purchase my book.)

Me: “Have you had that a lot since the sale?”

Cashier: “We’ve had people coming in with priests and vicars. I’ve even had holy water sprayed on me. I think the publishers are just playing a joke on us.”

Your Pay Is Weak

, , , , , | Working | August 10, 2017

(I work in an office that regularly addresses employee concerns, including payroll issues. Since many of our employees don’t work full-time hours or take extended time off, this is a frequent conversation.)

Employee: “Hey, I don’t think I got paid this week!”

Me: “Okay, let’s look into that. Are you signed up for direct deposit?”

Employee: “Yeah, but nothing went into my bank this week! Do you guys have a check here for me?”

Me: “Let me see.” *checks our live checks* “No, I don’t see any live checks here with your name. Have you checked your paystubs on the company website?”

Employee: “Yeah, and I didn’t see a paystub for last week. Why didn’t I get paid?”

Me: “Did you work last week?”

Employee: “Um… I think so. I worked a while ago.”

Me: “Okay. Well, when was the last day that you worked?”

Employee: “It was on [Date more than a week ago].”

Me: “The pay period you’re asking about is from [more recent date] through [even more recent date]. Did you work at all during that time?”

Employee: “Um, no, I don’t think so.”

Me: “Well, that’s why you didn’t get paid.”

Employee: “I thought we got paid every week here!”

Me: “That’s true, but you only get paid for the time you actually have worked.”

(I don’t know what company will pay someone for not working, but I’d sure like to work there!)

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 68

, , , , , | Right | August 9, 2017

(I work for a bank where the majority of our accounts are with college-age students. Many of them have never before had a bank account or had any financial education. A lot of our calls deal with upset account holders with negative or overdrawn accounts, and they can’t understand how it got that way. This call lasts about an hour total, an hour that I will never get back.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. I am [My Name]. May I please have your account number?”

Customer: *provides account number and verifies herself*

Me: “Thank you for that information; how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, um, I should have more money in my account. Why don’t I have any more money?”

Me: *pulls up statements and reviews them quickly* “I’m sorry, ma’am, it looks like you spent your funds in the last week or so. I’m seeing a lot of transactions on your statements. Have you looked at them yourself?”

Customer: “Yeah, I looked at them, and I know I bought all that stuff, but I should have more money. Where’s the rest of it?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. It appears you’ve spent all the money currently in your account. The balance you see displayed is how much you have left.”

Customer: “NO! I know I should have more money. I did NOT spend that much. WHERE IS THE REST OF MY MONEY?!”

(As a way to calm the customer, I offer to go over their transactions with them one by one and explain how the money got spent. I proceed to spend the next half hour going line by line in their statement, explaining the debits of each purchase and the remaining balance after the purchase starting from when they received their deposit earlier in the week.)

Me: “So you see, ma’am, this is why your account is at this balance. The purchases we just went over brought your total to what you see now. Do you think any of the items should be disputed as an unauthorized transaction?”

Customer: “Hmm, uh-huh, yes, I do recall all of those purchases. I just don’t understand where all my money went.”

Me: “Ma’am, as we discussed, you spent the money. There is nothing left from your deposit. What you see is what you have.”

Customer: “So then why don’t I see the rest of my money? Did your company take it? Are you stealing from me?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not sure what money you are referring you. You received a deposit of [amount] on [Date] and since then you’ve spent all but the $5.14 you see now on your balance page. We just went over each transaction you made since the deposit and you confirmed them with me. You have spent all your funds; there is no more money left.”

Customer: “What do you mean? I KNOW I have more money. You took it! I know you did! Your company is a sham! I’m telling everyone to stay away from you.”

(This tirade goes on for over five minutes, with her screaming obscenities, calling me a liar, demanding I put the money back into her account, etc.)

Customer: You’ll be hearing from my lawyer!” *slams phone*

Me: *stunned silence*

Throwing Change Brings About Change

, , , , , | Right | August 8, 2017

(I work morning shifts at a very popular fast food restaurant. As usual, our drive-thru is pretty backed up, and it takes a couple minutes for cars to reach the first window. This exchange happens during our rush, at about eight am.)

Me: “Ok, so your total will be [amount].”

Driver: “Well, here you go.” *hands me three handfuls of change* “You have your work cut out for you!”

Me: “No worries!”

(I start counting the change. He tries to pull forward.)

Me: “Excuse me, but I have to keep you here until I finish counting, to make sure that it’s all here.”

Driver: *condescendingly* “Good luck stopping me.”

(He tries to “poke fun” by pretending to start pulling forward. This happens so often, I don’t even react, because the minute they pull away I can radio the front and tell them not to give him his food until I’m done.)

Me: “So, it looks like you’re actually missing a dollar.”

Driver: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes.” *I then make a point of counting his payment again, out loud, showing that he’s a dollar short*

(He mutters a bit and digs around again, with some help from his passenger.)

Driver: “Here. Here’s your f****** money!”

(He then proceeds to throw about $1.16 at me, all in change. Most of it hits m in my face, shoulder, and chest. Luckily I am wearing glasses, so none hits me in the eyes. As it falls to the ground around me, he speeds to the next window.)

Me: “…and you have a nice day, sir.”

(Luckily, a coworker was there and saw the whole thing, so she went and told my manager. My manager parked him, saying that they were waiting on his food. She came out to his car five minutes later with his total payment refunded onto a gift card, and told him that he wouldn’t be getting his food there that day, or ever again.)

This Is A Bad Sign(ature)

, , , | Right | August 6, 2017

(I’m taking the payment for a reservation a customer just made.)

Me: “Okay, I just need to get that three-digit code on the back of your credit card.”

Customer: “Where is that?”

Me: “There should be two sets of numbers after your signature. I need the second set of digits.”

Customer: “I didn’t sign my card. Where would it be, then?”

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