Advancing Their Knowledge

, , , , | Working | December 12, 2017

(I get a call from one of my payroll clients and the following conversation occurs:)

Client: “Hi, we have a new employee who just started today and asked for an advance. I don’t want to give him an advance. What should I do?”

Me: “Well, you don’t have to give him an advance. You’re the employer. You can just tell him that he’ll have to wait until payday next week.”

Client: “I mean, is there any way I could maybe just cut him a check today for roughly the amount of one day’s work, and then you can take that amount out of his pay next week?”

Me: *pause* “Yes… we can do that.”

Client: “Oh, ok, great! So what is that called?”

Me: “An advance.”

Got To Give Him Extra Credit For Trying

, , , , , , | Working | December 12, 2017

I attempt to top-up my “pay as you go” mobile at a bank’s ATM, but the message on the screen says that the transaction failed. I try once more and get the same result, so I decide to try at a different bank.

Then I check my phone and see that, according to it, my credit had been topped up successfully, both times. So I go back to the bank and print a statement, which shows that both transactions failed and my account hasn’t been charged. Effectively, I have gained money out of nowhere!

I explain the situation to the teller, who tells me that there is nothing the bank can do, and it is the phone company’s problem. I call the phone company’s service number and tell them, but they insist it is the bank’s problem. Since both sides don’t want to do anything, I don’t mention it again.

I figured that eventually the issue would be discovered and the money taken from my account, but that never happened. I got a lot of credit for free.

Keeping Communists In Check

, , , , , | Right | December 6, 2017

(A man hands me a tax check for $3,000 and asks to cash it all. Because of tax season, we are required to put a $25 fee on tax checks, due to the large amount of money we have coming in and out daily.)

Me: “Sir, to cash this I do have to charge you a fee of $25; however, it is free to deposit it, and you can access it from your debit card if you would like.”

Elderly Man: “You know, I didn’t just get on the boat and come up from Cuba. I’ve had my green card since I hit age 16. You d*** commies are always finding ways to take my money. I’m a resident of the USA, and I demand my check be cashed for free.”

Me: “Well, sir, I’m sorry, but we charge that fee because we have to express-order money, and we must pay a fee to do that. So, the $25 we charge you goes into making sure we have enough money in the building to cover checks like these.”

Elderly Man: “I ain’t paying no f****** fee! I’ll go to [Popular Retail Location]!”

Me: “Good luck, sir.”

(He comes back an hour later.)

Elderly Man: “Just cash the d*** check and take your fee!”

Me: “Have a good day, sir.”

Elderly Man: “F*****g commie.”

Money Talks

, , , , , , , | Right | December 5, 2017

(My friends and I are at [Amusement Park]. We stop at a shop that sells sweatshirts so my friend can buy one. We have gotten some of the currency that [Amusement Park] produces; we have $20 dollar bills with popular cartoon characters on the backs.)

Friend: *going up to the counter to pay for the sweatshirt* “Do you guys take [Park Currency]?”

Employee #1: “Yes, we do!”

(While the first employee is behind the counter, a second employee comes up next to my friend and takes the money out of my friend’s hand and holds it up for all to see.)

Employee #2: “Look! Real Money!”

Friend: *confused* “Uh…”

Employee #2: *pulls his pant leg tight so we can see the outline of his knee brace* “Don’t worry; I can’t run away with it, anyway. I probably can’t even run to the end of this counter!” *gives back the money*

(My friend and I had a good laugh with him and all employees at that store. They were great! The store was pretty empty, so we stayed and chatted awhile while browsing.)

I Don’t Want To Make A Big Deal, But Here Is A Big Deal

, , , , , | Right | December 3, 2017

(It’s a Sunday, so there are only two librarians working the library circulation desk. As I come up to the desk to check out my books, both librarians are talking to an older woman.)

Woman: “This is not a big deal; I just want to make it clear that I feel I have been cheated!”

Librarian #1: “Ma’am, while you may have overpaid your overdue fines—”

Woman: “I was told they would be credited against my future fines!”

Librarian #1: “I do not know who told you that, but they were mistaken.”

Woman: “My son says you do it for him all the time. And it’s only a quarter, but—”

Librarian #2: “We’ve never done credits.”

Woman: “—It’s not a big deal if your employee POCKETED TAXPAYER FUNDS!”

Librarian #1: “Ma’am, any excess fine payments are donated to the Friends of the Library, and we always ask beforehand if that’s all right.”

Woman: “It’s only a quarter. I get it. It’s no big deal, but I don’t understand—”

Librarian #2: “Ma’am, if you wanted to bring in your receipt—”

Woman: “I DON’T WANT TO MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF THIS, BUT—”

Librarian #1: *exasperated* “Ma’am, here is a quarter; I apologize for the misunderstanding.”

Woman: “Well. Fine.” *takes her book and her quarter and marches out*

Me: *as I step up to the desk* “I’m so glad that wasn’t a big deal.”

Librarian #2: *wearily* “You have no idea.”

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