The More You Spend The Harder It Is To Change

, , , , , | Right | November 6, 2019

Me: “That’s £13.12, please.”

(The customer hands me £5. I wait for him to find the rest, but he just stares at me, nonplussed.)

Customer: “Well, there it is.”

Me: “It’s £13.12. I’ve only got £5 here.”

(The customer rummages in his pockets and fishes out three more £1 coins.)

Customer: “There. Is that enough now?”

Me: “That’s £8. I need £13.12.”

Customer: “You want more?!

(He finds another two £1 coins in his pocket, passes them to me, then stares at me, gone out again.)

Me: “You’ve only given me £10.”

Customer: “How much more do you want?!

Me: “I need another £3.12 to make it up to £13.12.”

(He finds me another three £1 coins.)

Customer:There! Is that enough now?!”

Me: “I just need another 12p.”

(He passes me 50p, then turns to go as I sort his change.)

Me: “Here’s your change and your receipt.”

Customer: “Oh, I get change, do I? After all that?”

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You’ve Failed If You Say “69” This Many Times And No One’s Smiling

, , , , | Right | November 5, 2019

(I work in a hotel.)

Me: “Your total comes to $106.69, sir.”

(A guest pulls out a one-inch-thick stack of bills and peels off five twenties, a five, and a one, and hands them to me.)

Me: “That’ll be sixty-nine cents, sir.”

Guest: “I don’t have sixty-nine cents. Just give me the room for $106.”

Me: “I’m afraid the price of the room is $106.69, sir. I need the rest of the money before I can check you in.”

Guest: “Are you serious? I don’t have sixty-nine cents! I come here all the time, and you guys won’t cut me a break for sixty-nine cents? This is ridiculous!”

Me: “Seriously? You just showed me a stack of bills the size of my entire paycheck. I know you’ve got the money; don’t even try to tell me you don’t.”

Coworker: “You know, if you hadn’t flashed all that money, maybe he’d have let it slide…”

(The guest then pulled out the same giant wad of money and tossed a single at me.)

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Looks Like There Is Such Thing As A Free Ride

, , , , | Right | November 4, 2019

(I am a bus driver. The base fare is $2 and a transfer to another route is an additional $1. The farebox on the bus I am driving jams and won’t accept any bills. This means all passengers ride free.)

Me: “Farebox is jammed. Have a seat and enjoy the ride.”

Passenger: “But I need a transfer.”

Me: “I can’t sell you a transfer; my farebox is jammed.”

Passenger: “But I need it for the 99 bus. I won’t have enough for the bus.”

Me: “You still have the $2 you didn’t put into my fare box.”

Passenger: “Oh.”

Me: “Have a seat, relax, and enjoy the free ride.”

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They Must Think You’re Really Tithe

, , , , , | Friendly | November 4, 2019

(My friend invites me to a church she just started attending with her coworker. The coworker has been going to this church for years. I make sure to take $5 to donate since I don’t want to seem rude. At the beginning of the sermon, they ask if there are any new people. My friend and I raise our hands; we think they are just taking count of how many new people came for the day. We are wrong. They hand us a piece of paper with information on when we could bring our check stubs from our jobs to the church.)

Me: “Why do you need this information?”

Them: “We need to make sure you are donating 10% of what you make before taxes.”

Me: “I’m not going to do this.”

Them: “Well, then, you will have to leave.”

(We left and the other people we were there with got mad at us for not giving the church the information they wanted. This was a while ago and that church is still going.)

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 89

, , , , , | Right | November 1, 2019

(I work in a collections call center and we get variations of this almost daily.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. All calls are recorded. How can I assist you today”?

Customer: “Hi. I had a loan a few years ago and I am trying to take another one and it isn’t letting me.”

Me: “Let me look into that for you.” *does so* “It appears that you had a loan with us back in 2015 that was settled for 50% of the balance.”

(For reference, any loan that isn’t fully settled makes them ineligible for another due to regulations, though we cannot tell them this directly.)

Customer: “Yeah, and when I try to get another it keeps getting denied.”

Me: “Even though we closed the loan and will no longer pursue the remaining balance, it will still show a balance in the system.”

(Usually, this is enough for smarter customers to understand that they aren’t going to be approved.)

Customer: “I just want another loan.”

Me: “Sir, even though we closed the loan, it was not paid back in full; it will always say you have an unpaid balance.”

Customer: “No, I paid it in full. I have a letter.”

Me: “You settled the loan, so you have a settlement letter, but this was not paid in full and will never show paid in full.”

Customer: “I don’t understand. I have a letter.”

Me: “Please feel free to reapply; if the loan is denied you will get a letter in the mail telling you why.”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 88
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 87
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Turning It Up To Eleven

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