The Customers Don’t Want Your Two Cents

, , , , , | Right | May 4, 2021

Usually, when a customer tells me, “I have the change,” I’ll joke with them by saying, “Just don’t make me count out [number] pennies and we’re golden!” Typically, they laugh and say something along the lines of, “Oh, I would never!” or, “How terrible would it be if someone did that?!”

Me: “Your total today is going to be $11.32.”

The customer hands me a $20 bill.

Me: “Out of $20?”

Customer: “Wait, I think I have the change!”

Me: “Perfect! Just don’t make me count out thirty-two pennies and life’s good!”

Customer: “Excuse me? If I want to give you thirty-two pennies, I will, and rightfully so! It’s legal tender!”

Me: “I apologize ma’am. I didn’t mean—”

Customer: “Ask me that again and I’m giving you the entire amount in pennies! You can’t f****** tell people that they can’t pay with f****** legal tender! This is America!

Me: “Again, I apologize.”

Customer: “Give me my $20 back.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Give. Me. My. Twenty. Dollar. Bill. Back.”

I hand her back the $20.

Customer: “Since you apparently aren’t comfortable counting, I’m just going to use my card. And maybe you should use your brain, little girl.”

I finished the transaction talking to her as little as I possibly could. Thankfully, that was my only “problem customer” of the day!

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Auntie Loves You… To A Point

, , , , , | Related | CREDIT: blue_eyed_mess | May 4, 2021

About three years ago, my partner and I wanted to get our daughter a really nice gift for Christmas, so we saved up to get her a DS Lite and a couple of games. I was on the phone with my sister a little after New Year’s.

Sister: “Hey, can you lend me some money? I don’t have any food and I don’t get paid for a whole week.”

Me: “I can probably lend you a tenner. Just pay me back when you get paid.”

Sister: “Oh. Okay. Any chance you could do a bit more? I literally have nothing.”

Me: “That’s all I can give you, Sis. Sorry.”

At that moment, my daughter asks me to help her with something on her DS and if we can go to the shop to spend the £15 she got as Christmas money.

Sister: “Aww, is that my little niece? Tell her Auntie says hi and I love you.”

Me: *To my daughter* “Auntie says hi and she loves you.” *To my sister* “Yeah, I had to help her with something on her DS and she wants to spend her Christmas money.”

Sister: “Oh. So, you have more than a tenner? You can send me more.”

Me: “What? It’s not my money; it’s [Daughter]’s. So, no.”

Sister: “Come on. I know my little niece would like to help her Auntie.”

Me: “I said no.”

Sister: “Well, you can always get a refund for the DS and give me the money. It’s not really an essential thing, anyway.”

You know those moments in movies where they pull the phone from their ear and just stare at it? I had that moment.

Me: “Why the h*** would I do that?!”

Sister: “Because you’re my big sister and it’s your responsibility as family.”

Me: “So, I should get the money back that [Partner] and I saved for [Daughter]’s Christmas present and give it to you? I don’t think so.”

Sister: “But… you have to.”

Me: “No, I don’t.”

Sister: “Yes, you do! You need to give me money for food!”

Me: “No, I really don’t. I offered to lend you a tenner and you had the cheek to tell me you should get my daughter’s money. Seriously?! You are so flipping ungrateful.”

Sister: “Oh, my God! Whatever! I’ll just starve!”

She cut off the call.

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Entitlement: The Video Game

, , , , , , | Right | May 3, 2021

A caller’s gaming account is temporarily suspended because money is owed on the account. He purchased a game with a credit card but the charge was disputed. This is a common occurrence with an easy fix: pay back the money.

He’s not overly enthusiastic about having to pay the money back.

Caller: “Will [Company] refund me all the money I spent on this account?”

I pause, unsure I heard them correctly.

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Caller: “Will [Company] give me back all the money I spent on this account since I can’t use it anymore?”

Me: “No.”

I got a coaching on that one because we weren’t supposed to flat out say no to anything. But it took me completely off guard that a grown man would assume that he could get hundreds of dollars back because he could (temporarily) not use the account because of his own mistake.

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Insuring A Happy Customer

, , , , | Working | April 29, 2021

My company used to have an optional insurance benefit provided by a vendor where my company would pay the rather small premium on the insurance for you. For some reason, the timing of payments got out of whack with the bills for me. Some months would see no payments and would get a bill from the insurer which I would ignore because, yes, the next month would show the payment. Less frequently, the opposite would happen and my company would pay twice in a month so I would receive a statement of overpayment. Maybe it was because, at the time, my company ran payroll and things on an every-two-week cycle which didn’t match the monthly billing cycle.

Eventually, I canceled from the program but they showed I owed one last payment. I called them and the very helpful lady told me:

Lady: “Hmmm, it looks like there is still a balance of $[small amount] on your account. Let me check. Well, it looks like you can either pay that amount or choose not to.”

Me: “Really?”

Lady: “Yup!”

Me: “Well, hmmm, choices, choices. I choose to not pay!”

And we both had a good laugh about it.

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Betcha Ten Bucks She Feels Worse Than You Do

, , , , , , | Working | April 28, 2021

This was late spring 2020, during the health crisis. I was going through the drive-thru of a fast food restaurant. This restaurant had a cash register in a booth on the outside of the building for drive-thru orders.

My total came to $10.02 and I had a twenty on me. After the woman punched in the numbers, I found two pennies. Since it was only two pennies and would round to a whole bill, I asked the woman if she minded taking the two cents. She said that was okay and took the two pennies.

And that’s when the fun began.

For social distancing, the restaurant had given her a plastic shallow bin to put change in for the customers. She took the $20 and the two pennies for a bill of $10.02 and started counting out $1s and change. I reminded her that I had given her two pennies, and $20.02 minus $10.02 is an even $10.

She took the change back but then tried to hand the bin to me with only $9 in it. I reminded her again that I had given her a twenty and two pennies for a payment of $20.02 and the total owed was $10.02. She looked at her register — displaying $9.98 since she took the pennies after punching in the total — and seemed very confused.

Meanwhile, I was silently cursing management for leaving someone with an iffy grasp of math at an exterior register alone with no immediate support system to help.

I tried again to explain the math, a very simple $20.02 paid and $10.02 owed and $10 even back. She grabbed a ten-dollar bill and put it in the bin, leaving the $9 already there. So she was offering a total of $19 to me.

Now I was wishing biblical plagues down on management because this woman had been set up for failure by being out here on her own.

I gave up at that point. I just said flat-out the $10 was mine and the $9 was hers, no attempt at trying to explain why the $10 was mine. She said, “Okay,” and though she still seemed confused, she took the $9 back and I took my change and moved up for my food.

I hope at some point the math clicked or someone explained it better than I. She likely thought I was trying to scam her.

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