Franc-ly, That Teacher’s A Jerk

, , , , , , | Legal | August 1, 2020

Back in 1964, when my brother was in fourth grade, he did so well in French class that the teacher gave him a French franc as a reward.

Since he is not a sentimental person, he and my other brother took it to the bank down the street to find out how much it was worth.

They came back all upset. They announced that the bank manager had said it wasn’t worth anything and he was kind enough to take it off their hands.

Imagine swindling a fourth-grader.

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Unfathomable Levels Of Patience

, , , , , | Learning | July 30, 2020

I work for a company that deals with queries from students regarding loans. We tend to get lots of strange questions, but this one I find frustrating.

Student: “Hi. I’m wondering when I’m getting my final payment for first year.”

Me: “Okay, it seems that we have overpaid you so you won’t be getting any more money.”

Student: “Yes, but when will I get my payment for first year?”

Me: “You won’t. We’ve already overpaid you; you won’t get more money.”

Student: “Yes, but I sent in medical evidence.”

Me: “You did. We have looked at it and decided we’ve already given you too much money. You were also advised this when you called last week.”

Student: “Yes, but my colleagues get more money than I do.”

Me: “I can’t comment on what other people get; however, as I have stated, you have been overpaid so you won’t get more money.”

Student: “Okay, but when will I get my last payment for first year?”

Me: “You won’t get any more payments for first year as we’ve overpaid you.”

Student: “I don’t understand why. I sent in medical evidence.”

Me: “Yes, I know. As I’ve already stated, we have looked at this and you aren’t entitled to any more money; we have already given you too much.”

Student: “Yes, but my colleagues got more than me.”

Me: “Again, I can’t comment on other people’s financial situations.”

Student: “Okay, so when am I getting my payment for first year?”

Me: “You’re not getting any more money from us; we’ve already given you too much. I have explained this four times now.”

Student: “Okay, I understand.”

I don’t think he understood. I checked his course and he was going to be a doctor. I worry about his future patients.

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Wasn’t Banking On Them Doing Actual Banking

, , , , , | Right | July 29, 2020

The bank I work for took over another bank; my former job was quality control comparisons with regard to their previous bank.

Me: “Is there anything you’ve noticed in the few weeks you’ve been with us you feel we can improve on?”

Customer: *Obviously lying* “Well, my old bank would let me overdraft, not charge me fees, and pay for the items I was purchasing.”

Me: “So, if you had $5.00 in your account, they’d let you spend $500.00 and not make you pay any of it back?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “What was your incentive to keep anything more than $1.00 in your account, then, if they paid for everything anyway? It sounds like a waste to spend your money when your bank would outright just give you whatever you wanted when you needed it.”

Customer: “That’s what I’m trying to figure out now; I should call them to see if they can give me my money back that came out of my account over the years.”

Me: “They don’t exist anymore, ma’am, which is why I’m talking to you.”

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Someone Is About To Get Cut Off

, , , , , | Right | July 28, 2020

I am a teller in a bank. It is the early 2000s, before you could check your accounts from your pocket. There is a college student that comes in every few weeks to withdraw cash from an account shared with his parents. This is a pretty normal setup, and many parents provide a college fund for their kids to dip into. One day, a couple in their fifties come into the bank looking panicked.

Man: “There must be a mistake with our accounts. Our savings account should have $20,000 in it.”

Me: “Okay, let me get your information, and we can see what’s going on.”

I get all the account information and pull up all their info. They are clearly not wealthy but not poor. The man indicates which account he is concerned with.

Me: “So, your current balance is [a few thousand]. Is there a reason you were expecting it to be higher? I can look up your recent transactions.”

The man is not angry but very concerned.

Man: “We never take anything out of that savings account. We’ve been saving for a home renovation.”

As I am pulling up the account history, the name of the couple clicks in my head. They are the parents of the student who makes regular withdrawals. I show the long list of withdrawals to the couple. The man is still polite and clearly getting scared.

Man: “This can’t be right. We didn’t do any of that. That makes no sense. Did you mix up our savings with someone else’s?”

I know I am going to be the one to tell them the truth.

Me: “Is there anyone else that has access to this account?”

Man: “No, it’s just us.”

The woman goes white and says nothing.

Me: “It says here there are cards issued to [Man], [Woman], and [Student].”

Man: “But [Student] wouldn’t do this. We gave him the card just for emergencies, if his car breaks down, or if he needs a new textbook. He wouldn’t…”

The couple was devastated as they went over the withdrawals, adding up to well over ten grand over about a year and a half. They seemed shocked about the money, but the wife said it killed them to learn that their son took advantage of them. No one at the bank ever saw any of them again.

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Weed Out The Cheapskates In Your Life

, , , , , , | Related | July 28, 2020

My paternal grandmother is notorious in her cheapness. She will have a pantry full of canned goods and take out one can of soup every two weeks, mix just a bit of the contents with a quart of tap water, and cook that on the stovetop. She does this to “make it last.” She will also go to swap shops and come home with the same junk my father is trying to get rid of. This is just to set up for the story of her greatest incidence of cheapness.

Almost twenty years ago, my church’s youth group is trying to raise money to send the kids to a weekend convention. The youth leader has figured that for tickets, accommodations, and gasoline for multiple vehicles, they’ll need to raise six hundred dollars.

My grandmother has a job they can do. Her property has a clay tennis court and a gravel driveway that needs to be weeded. Twelve teenagers arrive at her house at 8:00 am and weed both surfaces until 7:00 pm. As I am one of those teenagers, I am hoping we’ll get what we need for the trip.

I walk in to hear this exchange between the youth leader and my grandmother:

Youth Leader: “All right, [Grandmother], do you need to go to an ATM to get the rest of the payment?”

Grandmother: “Oh, don’t be silly. That’s the whole payment.”

Youth Leader: “[Grandmother], we just had a dozen people working in hundred-degree heat for eleven hours, and you’re saying that was only worth eighty dollars?”

Grandmother: “Well, of course. They’re not adults, so why pay them as adults?”

Some of the oldest kids in the youth group have joined me in time to hear this and, while the leader is biting his tongue, the oldest kid lets her have it.

Kid: “That explains why you couldn’t find a professional to do it. You probably tried to cheat them, too. Next time you need some chores done around here, don’t come to us.”

Even to her dying day, my grandmother never saw anything wrong with underpaying us that day. It’s part of the reason I cut ties with her before she died.

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