No Wonder We’re In A Financial Meltdown

, , , | Right | October 28, 2008

(I sell insurance. Sometimes, bank managers will ring up with customers who are in the bank. In this case, the bank lady was doing all the talking because the woman was partly deaf.)

Me: “Good morning, [Insurance Company]; how can I help you?”

Bank Manager: “I’m with a lady who’d like a quote, please.”

Me: “Yup, no problem. Could I speak to her briefly?”

(I talk to the customer and get her permission for the bank manager to do the quote with her details.)

Me: “Okay, can I take her surname, please?”

Bank Manager: “My surname or hers?”

Me: “Hers, please…” *she gives it* “… and her date of birth?”

Bank Manager: “Mine, or hers?”

Me: “Hers…” *she gives it* “Okay, and her postcode.”

Bank Manager: “Why do you want my postcode?”

Me: “I don’t. I want her postcode. It’s her policy, so I need her details.”

(You get the general idea. This continued, right up until the very end of the insurance quote.)

Me: “So, the price for the year is [total].”

Bank Manager: “I’d have to pay that?!”

Me: “…”

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After This, She’s Gonna Need An Antidepressant

, , , | Right | October 26, 2008

Customer: “Hi, can I have some of those allergy medications that are behind the counter? The 24 hour kind.”

Me: “Sure thing…”

(I grab one, because law mandates that the computers only allow me to check out one 24 hour medication for a certain period of time).

Customer: “Oh, I wanted four. Can I have four, please?”

Me: “Sorry, I can only give you one. There’s a law that makes me check your ID on the computer. It won’t let me check out more than one for you, at least not in the 24 hour dose.”

Customer: “Well, can you at least try? If you’d TRY once in a while, you never know what you can do!”

Me: “All right, then…”

(I scan one and sure enough, the second won’t go through.)

Me: “Yup, it won’t let me check out the second one. Your total’s gonna be about 20 bucks.”

Customer: “Okay, now try the third one.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “If the second one didn’t work, maybe the third one will.”

Me: “Ma’am, all four of these are exactly the same. If the second one didn’t work, what makes you think if I rang up another box of the exact same thing would work?”

Customer: “JUST DO IT!”

Me: “Okay… yeah… it’s not working.”

Customer: “Okay, now try the fourth one.”

(Suffice it to say it doesn’t work; after she buys her one box, she comes back about fifteen minutes later.)

Customer: “HOW DARE YOU SELL ME THIS EXPIRED MEDICATION!”

Me: “Err… what? I can guarantee you it’s not. I checked it before I gave it to you.”

Customer: “Oh yeah? Then what’s this? It says FEB 20!”

Me: “Yes… February… of 2020. Not February 20th.”

Customer: “Uh… well, I’m older than you and I probably make way more than you anyway, so I’m right. I’m 42 and I make $[amount] an hour!”

Me: “I’ll agree with you, you’re much older than I am. I’m only 26. But, ma’am, you are talking to a pharmacist. I make twice that. Oh, wait… I’m in overtime now… three times that. Actually, in the time it took me to help you, I just made one hour’s worth of your wage. Is there anything else I can do for you today?”

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My Hypocrisy Ate Your Democracy

, , | Right | October 23, 2008

(This is before same-sex marriage had been legalized.)

Me: “Thank you for calling the Benefits Center. How may I assist you today?”

Customer: “Hi. I am trying to enroll in my benefits for next year.”

Me: “Okay, how may I assist you?”

Customer: “I just got engaged and I want to add my fiance to my insurance.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you won’t be able to add your fiance to your coverage until you get married.”

Customer: “So… those f****** f****ts can get benefits, but I can’t?”

Me: “Yes, sir, but you have the option to get married; they don’t.”

Customer: “Those f****** f****ts, f****** us over anyway they can!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you have the option to get married; they do not. That is the only reason we offer health benefits to same-sex domestic partners.”

Customer: “What if I can’t get married? What are you going to do about that?”

Me: “Why can’t you get married?”

Customer: “Well, a**hole if you must ask… it’s because I am already married.”

Me: “Sir, I can assure you we don’t pay for infidelity.”

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Well Played, Indeed, Part 2

, , | Right | October 20, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Costume Store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, do you guys have costumes?”

Me: *sarcastically* “No, I’m afraid we’re a tax accounting service.”

Customer: “Oh. Can I write off a costume rental on my taxes?”

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The Lights Are On But Nobody’s Home

| Right | October 15, 2008

Client: “I need to see if I can get a settlement advancement because I only have enough money to pay my rent or electricity bill.”

Me: “I will talk to the adjuster and see if we can get an advancement, but they don’t have to give you one and we can not force them.”

Client: “That’s great, thank you… but which bill should I pay?”

Me: “I am not going to tell you what to do, but let me ask you this: what good is electricity if you do not have a place to live?”

Client: “So, which bill should I pay then?”

Me: “…really?”

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