This was several years back, around 2018. I’m seeing a movie with friends, but I’ve already seen it a few times while this is the first time most of them are seeing it.

When we enter the theater, we all buy ourselves individual snacks, as well as popcorn to share. There are a lot of us, so we buy two large popcorns. It’s a slow day, too, so we have the theater to ourselves.

Halfway through the movie, I realize we are out of popcorn. Thinking I’ll do something nice, I get up and head out of the theater, saying I’ll be right back.

I head to the lobby, and with the last of the money my mom gave me, I ask to buy a large popcorn, proudly proclaiming it’s to share with my friends.

Now, I’m about twelve, and I have no clue how sales tax works. So, while I have just enough for the popcorn, I’m about forty-five cents short on the tax.

I stop myself from crying — I am unfortunately one of those people who cries very easily, at anything — and tell them I can get a size smaller.

However, the group of college-aged boys working the counter does something that’ll always stick with me.

The one serving me at the front yells to his buddies, “Hey, we need 45 cents up here!”, and they all pool together the change for me to afford the big bucket.

I left for the theater crying after that, but they were happy tears, especially because I’d never really had anyone be kind to me with no reason or provocation before. The fact that they did that just because they could made my day. It was forty-five cents, more than five years ago, but it still means the world to me.

I have a friend who is awesome but does not think things through and sometimes makes insane, arbitrary decisions out of nowhere. To give you an example of how impulsive and big-hearted he is, he bicycled across the country to raise money for kids who have cancer.

[Friend] asked me to film the whole thing with the idea that we were going to make a documentary. I was fresh out of film school, and his promises of fame and fortune sounded decent. He and his wife were in a band, as well, and played for food and donations to the charity.

There were four of us: [Friend], his wife, a guitar player, and me filming. So, we filmed him cycling, his band playing, some charity functions (which were part of the band playing), and basic interactions with all of us.

I put a whole lot of time and effort into this — and much of my own money. Basically, I bought a fast laptop so I could edit on the road, a bunch of hard drives, and some equipment, and I took a month off of my life to do this.

Long story short, we made zero money — meaning I’d spent about $5,000 (all my savings) of my own money to do this.

When we got back, I was going to insanely start editing this massive amount of footage. That’s when [Friend] gave me a few stipulations: 1) Leave his wife out of the documentary because he did not want her to be harassed by fans. 2) Leave the band part out of it because he did not want to look like he was trying to get famous by using the charity.

His wife was in mostly 90% of the footage. The band was in 80% of it — including the 10% of the footage where his wife didn’t appear.

There was no budget, and I was not going to try to make a documentary about nothing, so the project died.

Live and learn: just because your friend is rad, it doesn’t mean he’s going to be great to work with. At least we raised some money for charity.

Caller: “I wanted to look at some properties in [Neighborhood]. How much are they selling for?”

Me: “Were you looking for a house or apartment? How many bedrooms?”

Caller: “I just wanted to know if [Neighborhood] properties are going for high or low?”

Me: “Well, it’s a pretty big area. If I knew the type of property you were looking for, I would be able to—”

Caller: “I don’t need to go through all these questions. I’m just looking for a ballpark on how much a [Neighborhood] property would go for.”

Me: “Hmm, well, they have an abandoned dementia hospital with twenty-three bedrooms going for about ten million.”

Caller: “What?! I don’t want an abandoned hospital! And I don’t have anywhere near that much! I just wanted to know if I could get a three-bedroom house for under $400,000!”

Me: “…let me see what I can find, sir.”

A customer walks into our small locksmith shop in a pretty rural area.

Customer: “I need to get my car key copied. It’s a Lexus.”

Me: “That will be [price].”

She accepts the price and leaves with her key. The next morning, she calls me.

Customer: “I could have gotten the key $20 cheaper if I went to [Locksmith In The City]!”

Me: “Maybe, but that’s over two hour’s drive away.”

Customer: “That doesn’t matter! I’ll be coming by later for my $20.”

Me: “You will not be getting $20 back.”

Customer: “That’s not fair!”

Me: “Isn’t saving you the five-hour round trip worth $20?”

Customer: “I’ll tell everyone I know not to use your store! This is not the way to run a business!” 

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. Enjoy the long drive in that nice Lexus!”

My parents own farmland and rent it out to farmers. We went to a seminar for farm owners, so there were lots of very wealthy people in the mix. They served us lunch at the hotel restaurant, and it was very good food.

This hotel is part of a huge international chain, so it was their own catering service.

At the end of the meal, one of the women at our table flagged down a waiter.

Woman: “Can I get a box to take the rest of my food home in?”

Waitstaff: “We don’t have boxes or allow anyone to take the leftovers home.”

Woman: “That’s terrible! You just lost your tip!”

Waitstaff: “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

Woman: “That’s it?! You’re not going to do anything for me?”

Waitstaff: “I can get my manager for you.”

They got the manager, who came out and told her the same thing: she couldn’t take home the food. Cue her screaming at the manager.

Manager: “Ma’am! There are still a full six hours left of lectures for your event. We cannot ensure the quality of your food being left out or in a box that long. We would be liable for any food safety issues.”

Woman: “I can’t even take this food home to my dog?!”

Manager: *Knowing what kind of seminar this is* “You can afford a farm, but you can’t afford dog food?”

Woman: “I will ruin you! You don’t know who you’re messing with!”

My dad looked at me and explained quietly.

Dad: “I know who she is; she only lives like twenty minutes from us. She has a net worth of at least ten million, I’d say.”

Me: “And she’s whining about not being able to take home a few bites of leftover pot roast?” 

I don’t doubt that she has some influence with as rich as she is, but as far as I know, she has yet to take down the Hilton!