An Idiotic Gift

, , , , , | Right | October 26, 2017

(I work at a movie theater. An older gentleman comes up and buys six tickets for himself and a group of friends for the upcoming weekend. He’s a bit cranky while selecting his showtime and seats, but otherwise the transaction goes smoothly. When it comes time to pay, things take a turn. He pulls out a wad of papers and throws them at me without even making eye contact.)

Customer: “Use these.”

(I unfold the crumbled papers to find about a half-dozen receipts.)

Me: “Um, these are receipts.”

Customer: “Gift card receipts. Use ‘em.”

(I look again. They’re receipts for gift cards he’s purchased for the theater from the local [Retailer]. They literally just say “Gift Card” and the amount he paid — no card number, no scan bar, nothing that I can use.)

Me: “Do you happen to have the cards that you purchased? I can’t just use a receipt like this.”

Customer: “I’m not an idiot.”

Me: “I didn’t say you were.”

Customer: “Use ‘em.”

Me: “Unfortunately, I can’t. I either need the gift cards themselves or the sixteen-digit serial number from the back of the cards to redeem them.”

Customer: “Look. I’m not an idiot.”

Me: “I didn’t say you were.”

Customer: “Use ‘em, then!”

Me: “Sir, I have no way of using your gift cards with just these receipts. I either need the cards themselves or the serial number from the back.”

Customer: *deep sigh* “It’s always a different story from you clowns! Out to get the little guy while you line your pockets.”

Me: “Sir, the way the gift cards work has never once changed in the seven years I’ve worked here.”

Customer: “I. Am. Not. An. Idiot. If I couldn’t use these receipts, why would I have thrown out my gift cards, then? Huh?”

Me: “Wait, what? You threw out your gift cards?”

Customer: *after a pause, looking concerned* “I didn’t say that! I’m not an idiot! Just use the receipts!”

Me: “Sir, I can’t.”

(This back and forth continued for another two minutes. The customer kept insisting that he “wasn’t an idiot” and becoming angry that we couldn’t use his receipts. A nearby manager even got involved, and it just continued on in the same circle of idiocy. The customer ended up throwing some cash at me for the tickets and leaving. So, he bought gift cards, immediately threw them away, and then threw a hissy fit when he couldn’t use the gift cards he threw away… but don’t worry, he made sure to let us know he “wasn’t an idiot.”)

Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Went

, , , , , | Right | October 25, 2017

(I work at a bar.)

Me: “Okay, that’ll be £14, please.”

Customer: “I’ll pay on my card.”

Me: *points to the sign behind me* “Cash only, sorry.”

Customer: “Is your machine broken?”

Me: “No, we don’t have a card machine.”

Customer: “But I paid by card last week.”

Me: “Doubt it.”

Customer: “You must be new. I used to pay by card all the time here.”

Me: “Well, I’ve worked here for five years. The bar itself has been open for seven. In that time, we have never had a card-machine. If you mean you paid by card at the strip-club that this venue used to be, then you would be right.”

Customer: “Erm… You sure your machine isn’t working?”

Me: *deadpan face*

(The customer walks away.)

Tipped To Be A Great Night, Eventually

, , , , | Hopeless | October 24, 2017

(A few years ago, I worked in a small, family-run Italian restaurant. On a busy Friday night, a young couple comes in to eat and asks me for the bill when they finish. I take the bill over and they pay by debit card. After they pay, I thank them for coming and go back behind the counter to prepare another table’s bill. Afterwards, they come up to speak to me.)

Customer: “Hi, we’d just like to say thank you for the great service and food, but we feel really bad; we have no change for a tip.”

Me: “Oh, don’t be silly! That’s fine. Honestly, it’s no problem. I’m glad you enjoyed it!”

Customer: “Thanks for being so understanding; we really feel bad, though.”

Me: “Honestly, don’t feel bad; it’s enough for me to know you enjoyed it. Have a great night!”

(They leave and I get on with the night. About 20 minutes later, I am at the counter and someone calls out.)

Customer: “Hi again. We came back to tip you.”

(He hands me a £10 note.)

Customer: “We wanted to come back after we’d been to the cash machine; we really did have a great time.”

(I thanked them profusely and they left. I was so shocked they went out of their way to come back, even though I really didn’t mind I’d not been tipped. The service industry is hard work, but it’s people like that who make the difference!)

“How To Be A Lawyer” For Dummies

, , , , , | Right | October 23, 2017

(An older woman comes up to buy a book for her granddaughter.)

Me: “Did you find everything okay?”

Customer: “Well, I did have a question. You see…”

(She goes on to tell me a very long story about how she is drowning in credit card debt and can’t make her payments, and how the bank is going to take away her house soon. The entire story takes about ten minutes.)

Customer: “…So, I guess my question is, do you have any books that I could buy so I don’t have to hire a lawyer?”

Me: *stunned* “Um. Well, we have a finance section over there.”

Customer: “Those books are too expensive; I can’t afford to buy them.”

Me: “All right. Well, your total is $29.59.”

Customer: *pays with a credit card*

(I didn’t say anything at the time, but lady, there is no book in the world that will replace a lawyer, and you should probably not use credit cards if you’re drowning in credit card debt.)

A Consoling Amount Of Change

, , , , , , | Right | October 21, 2017

I am the customer here. I was just starting junior high so, naturally, I didn’t have a job at the time, but the announcement of a new game console had me excited. I started saving money from gifts, loose change, etc, and keeping it all in a glorified piggy bank.

Fast forward several months, about one month before the console launches, and I count out my money, and find I have enough for the console plus a couple games, even after tax. However, due to not having a chance to grab coin rolls, and the fact that stores need to manually count change anyway, the majority of this change is unrolled.

The console comes out, and my family brings me in to buy it, and I come in with this tin containing all of my saved-up change. I grab my games and the console and get up to the counter and buy them. The cashier greets me in a friendly manner and rings through my stuff, for a total around $400. I pay with the cash and gift cards I have amassed, leaving still around $200. Then I start having to dump the coins onto the counter, and I see the cashier’s eyes open wide.

They politely help count the change and we go as fast as we can, but it takes about ten minutes, at which point I think we’ve miscounted and I actually only have $350 total, meaning I have to put back one of my games. I start recounting the now-organised money, to make sure I have enough, but in my panic I can’t keep count. The cashier politely says I have enough, and rings me through just fine.

However, to this day I still think they said I had enough just so they could get me out of the store faster. Despite this, I still have that console and it’s my single favourite purchase I’ve ever made.

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