A Cents-Ible Assumption

, , , , | Right | August 12, 2017

(After touring a famous museum in Greece my friends and I decide to order something from the museum café. The woman in front of us is purchasing one water bottle.)

Employee: “That will be 50c.”

Woman: “Let me find you a quarter.”

Employee: “Ma’am, a fifty cent coin will do.”

Woman: “I don’t have any quarters.”

(She spills all of her coins onto the counter. She has a few fifty cent coins.)

Me: “Madam, this will do.”

(Points out a fifty cent coin.)

Woman: “So I need fifty of these?”

Me: “No, you pay with that.”

(The woman then picks up a one euro coin.)

Woman: “Can I buy a bottle with this.”

Employee: “You can buy two water bottles with that.”

Woman: “Oh, okay.”

(She hands him the one euro coin and he goes to the fridge to get her water.)

Woman: *to me* “A one dollar coin. Who thought of that?”

Me: “Most countries have one dollar coins.”

Woman: “Oh.”

(She took her water and left.)

Money Makes The Moans Go Round

, , , , | Right | August 12, 2017

(I was just clocking into work, and since I am a traveling teller, meaning I go to different locations every day, I have to wait for the manager of the specific branch to give me a drawer.)

Customer: “Excuse me? What are you doing?”

(I continue starting up my computer, assuming she isn’t speaking to me as I still have my ‘next window’ sign up.)

Customer: *to others in line* “Look at that dumb b****, sitting around doing nothing but play with her hair when there’s a line out of the door!”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am? I am not yet up and ready; my shift has just started. I’m sure another teller will be with you in just one moment. Your patience is appreciated.”

Customer: *rolls eyes*

(After a few moments, she finally reaches another teller, and the following conversation happens after her transaction is completed.)

Customer: “Why would you even hire such a lazy, incompetent girl?”

Coworker: “She actually doesn’t have a drawer yet, so she has no cash to work with.”

Customer: “If I wanted to hear excuses, I would have talked to her. Next time I’m in here, she better be fired! I will be reporting her to management. She should have brought her own cash in if you guys were busy.”

Coworker: “Ma’am? You wanted her to bring thousands of dollars of her own money so you wouldn’t have to wait a few moments on Friday afternoon at a very busy bank?”

Customer: “Yes! That would have been the right thing to do.”

(I was yelled at the first two minutes of my shift. I decided this had to be some sort of record, and we all had a good laugh about it in the end. Joke’s on you, lady. You didn’t ruin my day; you just made me laugh! Plus, she didn’t even get my name so she could report me.)

Not In Receipt Of Understanding

, , , , , | Right | August 11, 2017

(I am returning an item at customer service, and this exchange happens in front of me. A father is trying to return a video game and his two young boys are with him.)

Customer: “I’d just like to return this game.”

Cashier: “Okay.” *scans the game and receipt* “That comes to 39.99.”

Customer: “Actually, I think it should be 59.99. That’s what I paid for it.”

Cashier: “Well, your receipt says 39.99. And the system brought it up as 39.99.”

Customer: “I understand that, but I’m telling you I paid 59.99 for it because it was the most popular game at the time.”

Cashier: “But I can only give you what the system and the receipt tell me to give you.”

Customer: “I understand that. But, I paid 59.99 for that game. I can even take you to the back and show you it’s on sale for 59.99.”

Cashier: “While that may be, the receipt shows that you paid 39.99 for it when you bought it.”

Customer: “I know what the receipt shows, but that’s not what I paid for it. I paid 59.99 for it, because it was the most popular game at the time.”

(The cashier calls a manager. When she arrives, the cashier explains the situation.)

Manager: “Sir, we can only refund you the amount that you paid, which is shown on the receipt.”

Customer: “I understand that, but I bought two games that day, one was 39.99 and one was 59.99. Now I know this one I’m trying to return was 59.99.”

Manager: “That’s not what it comes up as.”

Customer: “Look, I can show you in the back. It’s on sale for 59.99. I’m not trying to give you a hard time here, but I can’t afford to be out $20.”

(I think, then why did you spend $100 on 2 video games in the first place, when there is a used game store right next door?)

Manager: “Sir, I can only give you the price that the receipt shows you paid, which is 39.99.”

Customer: “I understand that, but I know, 100 percent, that I paid 59.99 for it. Look, I’m not trying to scam you for money; I just want to return the game. I can show you in the back that it’s on sale for 59.99.”

(The manager gives up and reluctantly follows the customer to the back. I step up next.)

Me: “Clearly, he DOESN’T understand what you were saying.”

Cashier: *laughs*

Buy A Bible Or You’ll Have The Devil To Pay

, , , , , | Right | August 10, 2017

(Where I live, people are quite devout when it comes to their religious beliefs. I am waiting in line at a local bookstore. The woman ahead of me puts a bible down on the counter, and the cashier reluctantly picks it up and scans it.)

Cashier: “That will be, umm, £6.66 please.”

(Both I and the woman stare at the little display, showing that a discount percentage has been applied due to a sale.)

Woman: “I don’t know what to do. It’s the Holy Bible, but it’s clearly satanic.

Me: “It’s just the sale price.”

Woman: “I know. Are the owner’s Satanists?”

Cashier: “I don’t think so. The sale was decided by the publishers, as they’ve released a newer edition with a hardback.”

Woman: ”Is it more holy?”

Cashier: “It’s definitely more expensive.”

Woman: ”I don’t know what to do…”

(After some serious consideration, the woman agreed to buy both the sale bible and the new £37.99 edition with an elaborate hardback and velvet marker.)

Me: “What will you do with the cheaper one?”

Woman: “I’ll take it to my church and dip it in holy water. If it doesn’t burn I’ll donate it.”

(Finally I’m able to purchase my book.)

Me: “Have you had that a lot since the sale?”

Cashier: “We’ve had people coming in with priests and vicars. I’ve even had holy water sprayed on me. I think the publishers are just playing a joke on us.”

Your Pay Is Weak

, , , , , | Working | August 10, 2017

(I work in an office that regularly addresses employee concerns, including payroll issues. Since many of our employees don’t work full-time hours or take extended time off, this is a frequent conversation.)

Employee: “Hey, I don’t think I got paid this week!”

Me: “Okay, let’s look into that. Are you signed up for direct deposit?”

Employee: “Yeah, but nothing went into my bank this week! Do you guys have a check here for me?”

Me: “Let me see.” *checks our live checks* “No, I don’t see any live checks here with your name. Have you checked your paystubs on the company website?”

Employee: “Yeah, and I didn’t see a paystub for last week. Why didn’t I get paid?”

Me: “Did you work last week?”

Employee: “Um… I think so. I worked a while ago.”

Me: “Okay. Well, when was the last day that you worked?”

Employee: “It was on [Date more than a week ago].”

Me: “The pay period you’re asking about is from [more recent date] through [even more recent date]. Did you work at all during that time?”

Employee: “Um, no, I don’t think so.”

Me: “Well, that’s why you didn’t get paid.”

Employee: “I thought we got paid every week here!”

Me: “That’s true, but you only get paid for the time you actually have worked.”

(I don’t know what company will pay someone for not working, but I’d sure like to work there!)

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