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What Were They Supposed To Do? Let Him Bleed Out?

, , , , , | Right | CREDIT: ElJefe543 | July 17, 2022

Many moons ago, when I lived in New England, I used to work as an EMT. Long story short, I got burned out, went into security, moved to Florida, got a job as security at the resort I’m at, and moved up to Night Audit. This story happened when I was still working in security.

I am between my rounds, up at the front desk chit-chatting with the Front Desk Agent when the elevator opens and a family bursts forth from the elevator. The father is carrying his son, the mother is hysterical, and the daughter is all “meh” about what is going on. The son is bleeding rather heavily from his foot. The blood is just dumping all over the wood floors.

I direct the Front Desk Agent to get the medical kit from the back and go over to the family. In my “way too calm” EMT voice, I ask what happened, all while going to examine the kid’s foot after they put him on the tiled island in the middle of the room. I know what’s wrong before they tell me, mostly because the shell is protruding from the kid’s foot. Stepping on shells is an extremely common problem here. Sandals were invented for a reason.

I radio PBX and tell them to call 911 for a shell impaled in a child’s foot and to call housekeeping with a hazmat kit (mostly just a good mop, bleach, and a nice smelling cleaner) to clean up the blood. The Front Desk Agent brings me the first aid kit and I wrap the foot as best as I can, explaining to the overbearing, hovering mother why you never remove impaled objects. Then, I keep the foot elevated until EMS arrives, they take him away, the father thanks me, and the family goes away.

The whole situation lasts maybe fifteen minutes. I go about my day telling guests, “No, you can’t smoke by the pool,” and, “No, you can’t throw beer bottles at the birds,” and, “Stop throwing starfish into the ocean,” and, “Sir, stop trying to take selfies with that alligator.” (These all didn’t happen on the same day, I’d have quit.)

Fast forward a few days later. Someone that looks vaguely familiar approaches me. I realize it’s the father of the injured kid. He comes up to me, shakes my hand, and tells me he’s been looking for me for a couple of days. He then hands me a cash bill. I don’t look at it when he hands it to me; it’s kind of rude to marvel at a tip in front of the guest. He thanks me for helping his son. We chit-chat for a few minutes, and he thanks me again and then leaves

I take the bill out of my pocket. It’s a hundred-dollar bill. HOLY CRAP!

Security rarely gets tipped, but that’s way over the top.

Charging Less Will Always Cost More

, , , , , | Right | July 15, 2022

This took place in the 1990s when I went from cook/trainer to being trained on registers at a franchise restaurant. Computers were not as user-friendly at that time.

Two ladies, friends, separately order a simple meal and drink. Somehow, I accidentally hit the button for a 10% discount and cash the first lady before opening the drawer. There is no way back after this and I inform her of my mistake, with the second lady hearing every word, and the first’s accidental saving of around a dollar or less. This transpires right after I ring up the second lady and cash her out, making it also irreversible.

Customer: “Why wasn’t our bill the same?”

Me: “As I told your friend, I made a mistake and proceeded too far to correct it. So she got a free 10% discount by my fault.”

Customer: “But that doesn’t make sense. We got the same things, so they should be the same price.”

Me: “Well, they are; if you look at the amount prior to taxes and discounts, you are paying the same. She has only benefitted because I am learning this computer and accidentally approved a discount she shouldn’t have gotten.”

Customer: “So, you make a mistake and I pay more?”

Me: “No, she paid a little less because I made a mistake.”

Customer: “So, you just couldn’t make mine the same price?”

Me: *Puzzled* “You want me to purposely make the same mistake just so you pay the same amount?”

Customer: “Exactly!”

Me: “I can’t just purposely make that mistake. As it is, they will have a record that I made the mistake already.”

Customer: “Then let’s talk to your manager.”

My manager explained why there was a difference in price and that she would not reverse the transaction and authorize a discount that shouldn’t have been applied the first time, because she would then have to discount others in line, by the same logic. The lady did sit and eat with her friend, but she gave me the side-eye the entire time she ate.

Lawyering Up Ain’t Gonna Save You, Buddy

, , , , , | Legal | July 14, 2022

Many years ago, before I got married and had kids, I was renting out my basement as an apartment to one of my good friends. The basement had a full kitchen, a full bathroom, and a washing machine (among other things). My friend notified me immediately if there was a problem and was pretty vigilant about it. I attempted to fix the small things myself, but I needed professionals for larger projects. One such project was his kitchen sink, which had an unstoppable leak at almost every connection.

At the time, my regular plumber had just retired and I hadn’t yet needed a new one, so on his suggestion, I gave the job to a contractor who was one of his oldest friends. The initial survey revealed that the problem was corroded pipes. However, he had to tear up the floor to find the extent of the problem. Combine that with the found problems, and we were already $2000 in — and from what I learned later, that was in fact a good deal for the volume of work. I cut him a check, and he got to work.

The work trapped me in the house for a few days, so on the day our mutual friend had a day off, he agreed to watch the house while they were ripping into the foundation in his bathroom, and I took the opportunity to go grocery shopping for the next week. When I came back, I was greeted by a horrified face from my tenant, who informed me that his friend hadn’t stopped the jackhammer until after he’d smashed through a water pipe, and he hadn’t previously shut off the water. The water damage itself was negligible, but the kitchen sink and washing machine (which weren’t supposed to be affected unless the water was shut off) could no longer get water.

Thankfully, everything above the basement still had water and we could close off the one pipe, so I moved my friend into my guestroom and gave him the guest bathroom until this was resolved; this and friendship were enough to make him not withhold rent, despite him being trapped in the middle of this. However, my now-ex-contractor not only refused to fix this mess without receiving more money, but he also refused to refund my money for this blunder, insisting that what he’d hit was another corroded pipe that would have been replaced anyway. However, the pipe didn’t look corroded to me, so I showed it to my new plumber who confirmed that this pipe was immaculate before someone put a hole in it.

I took this knowledge and got a lawyer.

After dragging his feet with multiple continuances, the contractor and I and our lawyers finally sat down to discuss a deal.

Contractor: “I don’t see why we’re even discussing this. I never even worked on his home!”

My Lawyer: “You’ve billed my client for services already.”

Contractor: “That was for the survey and when we signed the work contract. There was an agreement to work, but I never did more than look.”

His Lawyer: “Not another word, [Contractor].”

Me: “So, who smashed my toilet?”

Contractor: “Not me! I removed it carefully!”

Me: “If you removed my toilet, then you worked on my house.”

Contractor: *Pauses* “Okay, yes, I did that.”

His Lawyer: “Let me handle it from here!”

Contractor: “No, no, let me clarify this. I just got the site ready. I wasn’t the one who caused the damage. I wasn’t even in the state at the time.”

My Lawyer: “Then where were you?”

Contractor: “Upstate at my other house with my wife and kid.”

I later learned that neither of these people existed.

Me: “So, who was in my house?”

Contractor: “One of my guys.”

My Lawyer: “‘One of your guys’? Well, the contract is with you. If you gave the work to someone else, you are still legally responsible for anything that happens.”

Contractor: “But I never signed a contract!”

His Lawyer: “STOP TALKING!”

The two confer for a moment.

His Lawyer: “My client’s willing to settle. He’ll pay $2,000 if you accept.”

Me: “I wanted $2,000 the day he busted my pipe. This is not that day. I have a job you didn’t finish and a new job that’s a direct result of your negligence, and you forced me to get a lawyer to fix this problem. I’ll settle for $12,000.”

Everything I just listed totaled $8,000 in expenses.

Contractor: “That’s over the cap. You can’t sue for that much in this state.”

My Lawyer: “That’s true in small claims court. This is not small claims court. If we go to trial and you lose, I’m certain you’d be paying six figures.”

His Lawyer: “How about $4,000?”

Me: “$12,000.”

I wasn’t dropping my asking price until I heard $8,000. We finally settled at $10,000. Then came the payment plan.

My Lawyer: “What are your client’s assets?”

Contractor: “Just the business.”

Me: “Didn’t you say you have a house upstate? Or rather, another house upstate?”

My Lawyer: “So, we have two houses. Are they paid off?”

Contractor: “‘Paid off’? You’re not taking my houses!”

My Lawyer: “It’ll just be a lien to guarantee payment… unless you decide not to pay, of course.”


Me: “Which makes them perfect for a lien.”


Me: “So it’d be really stupid not to pay.”

My Lawyer: “Would you rather use an automobile?”

Contractor: “MY CAR?!”

The payment was set up so I got half up-front and the other half in installments with the condition that the whole thing was paid off within six months. Even so, it was like pulling teeth to receive payment. My lawyer notified me of new excuses every month as to why the payment was delayed. We had to repeatedly threaten to notify the police that the contractor was violating a court order and to issue a warrant for his arrest or demand to see his bank records to show someone that wasn’t me had been cashing his checks, at which point the check magically showed up. Sadly, I never got the chance to make that call for his arrest or take a house or car from him. I was always hopeful that there’d be a way to make him really suffer for this nonsense.

And I got my wish.

Once the final payment went through and all the work was done, I got a nasty message on my answering machine from him. I won’t transcribe it because it’s predominantly assertions that my parents weren’t married, that I was a female dog, and that I was suffering from an Oedipus Complex. However, there was some reference to “harassment” and “countersuit” mixed in. My friend and tenant overheard the message and explained.

Friend: “He didn’t read that notice too carefully. I’m suing him for the rent on my apartment, the loss of utilities, and harassment.”

Me: “‘Harassment’?”

Friend: “He called me every day urging me to get you to drop the lawsuit. After the deal, he kept begging for money and demanding I tell you the check was coming.”

Me: “And the rent, too?”

Friend: “It wasn’t your fault my apartment was wrecked.”

My friend won, too. The contractor lost one house when he was unable to pay off the settlement. We last heard that he sold the other and left the state once his business dried up.

Why Would You Assume You Were Getting Free Money?!

, , , , , , , | Working | July 14, 2022

I work part-time at a thrift store, and we have volunteers who come in and work for a few hours. One of the volunteers comes up to the counter where I’m working to purchase something that is $10. I ring it up and give her the total, which is $10.74. She gives me a twenty.

When I go to get her change, I notice there are no fives.

Me: “I’m all out of fives, so I’m going to give you a twenty, and if you could, run next door and get four fives?”

There’s a bar right next to the thrift store, so I want her to go and ask for a change from $20 and have her bring the four fives back so I can give her the correct amount of change. The reason I don’t do it myself is that I am the only person there who knows how to work the till, and my boss doesn’t like it when I leave the till unattended.

Volunteer: “Wait, what did you just give me?”

Me: “I gave you a twenty because I’m out of fives, so if you could, go next door and get four fives.”

Instead, she stuck the twenties in her wallet and left. I never got my four fives, so the till was off by $20 when I counted it. My simple instructions went in one ear and straight out the other.

In The Meantime, I’ll Be Saving For This Baby’s College Fund!

, , , , , , | Working | July 13, 2022

I have just come home from the hospital after having a baby. We’re both doing fine, but I’m still tired, sore, and cranky from pushing a human being out of my body. The phone rings after I get settled in and my husband hands me the phone.

Caller: “Hi! This is [Caller] with [My Alma Mater], and we’re reaching out to all our alumni for our annual donation drive. What can we put you down for?”

Me: “Look, [Caller]. This is a really bad time. I just came home from having a baby a couple of hours ago. Can you call back sometime next week after I’ve had time to recover?”

Caller: “Oh, congratulations! So, we have several options for donations…”

Me: “I don’t think you heard me. I had a baby yesterday. I got home from the hospital two hours ago. I’m not in the mood to talk about donations today.”

Caller: “I understand this may be a difficult time for you, but we use these donations for scholarships. I see here that you yourself benefitted from our scholarship program.”

Me: “Okay. Hon? I’m trying to be nice to you. But having a baby means medical bills. I’m not even sure I’ll have money to donate this year. Unless you’re personally going to help me out with those bills, don’t expect a donation from me this year.”

The caller hurriedly apologized and hung up. Was it something I said?