A man was playing a slot machine and losing. He was so mad that he was slamming his fist on the bet button really hard. So hard that it eventually caused an error on the machine. Basically, the door of the machine came loose, so the slot froze up because it thought the door was open.

One of our attendants came by, opened/closed the door. The man continued to play and lost the rest of his money.

Guest: “I want my money back! The machine error caused me to lose!”

Me: “So if you’d won a jackpot, you’d be offering it back for the same reason?”

Guest: “…yes.”

Me: “Hmm, well, even if I believed you, first of all, you caused the error. Any error does not void jackpots. If a machine error CAUSES a jackpot, then it is void. But an open door error does not and cannot cause a jackpot, so that error would not have voided his jackpot.”

Guest: “Then you need to investigate to make sure it wasn’t an error that lost me my money.”

Me: “If we do that and determine that you’re the cause of a more serious error, you would be liable for the cost of repairs.”

He didn’t like that last part and ended up storming out.

Customer: “I want a [Combo Meal].”

Me: “That’s $6.”

He hands me a five-dollar bill.

Me: “I need one more.”

Customer: “That’s all I got.”

Me: “Then I can’t give you the combo. You could get [$5 meal] instead?”

Customer: “No, I want [$6 meal].”

Me: “Then you need to give me another dollar.”

The customer’s eyes latch onto the Perspex charity box we have at the counter, mostly made up of coins and dollar bills.

Customer: “Take a dollar from that.”

Me: “That’s for charity.”

Customer: “I’m poor and can’t afford my meal. I’m charity.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, but that’s for a children’s charity.”

Customer: “I’m seventeen.”

This customer had more grey hairs than Leslie Nielsen.

Me: “Well then, I have to say you look terrible.”

Customer: *Pulling out a ten-dollar bill and throwing it at me.* “You ageist piece of s***.”

A couple of guys are at my checkout and have just paid for some items.

Customer #1: “Oh, crap. I forgot I needed to get some toothpaste. I’ll run back and get some.”

Customer #2: “That’s stupid, now you gotta pay tax twice.”

Customer #1: “Huh?”

Customer #2: “Yeah, two transactions, two tax payments.”

Customer #1: “Oh yeah, that sucks.”

Me: “Uh, the sales tax is the same regardless of how many transactions it’s split across. It’s not like a set fee or anything.”

Customer #1: “No, my friend must be right. He’s an accountant.”

Customer #2: *Nodding smugly.* “That’s right. I do people’s taxes.”

Me: “Oh, cool! Do you have a card?”

Customer #2: “I certainly do!”

I made sure I showed the card to everyone I knew to make sure to never ever file taxes with that guy!

An older gentleman is having trouble paying at the self-checkout. I offer to help.

Customer: “I’ve been tapping my d*** card, and it’s not working!”

Me: “May I try?”

He hands me his card, and I immediately see the problem.

Me: “Sir, this is a National Trust membership card.” 

This is a card that allows you access to historical sites and museums all over the UK for an annual fee, instead of paying the sometimes-pricey single entrance.

Customer: “Well, I spent £100 on my membership this year, and I haven’t been to a single site, so they owe me!”

Me: “Sir, it doesn’t work like that…”

It’s the last day of an enormous convention. I’m wandering the vendors who are left, most of whom are packing up, when I spy a vendor who isn’t packing up just yet, because they’re very, very busy.

They have at least three people taking down t-shirts from their wall and handing them to people who have paid; there are another six running around getting people stuff from behind their tables; there are another twenty people patronizing the booth. I personally spy a heavily discounted card game and am waiting for someone to be free, when an a**hole shows up. 

The a**hole, who may or may not be next line, says:

A**hole: “Hey, I know you don’t want to take these home with you, can I get another twenty percent off?”

Everyone stops what they’re doing and stares. This guy has two decks of cards in his hands. The tables are groaning with the weight of loads of other merch, games, and clothing; his two decks are already fifty percent off.

One of the vendor guys, probably the guy running the booth itself, takes one look at the two decks, one look at the rest of the stuff, and chuckles in disbelief.

Vendor Guy: “That’s all you’re buying? Buddy, I made three grand off a guy just now who bought CASES of that game. Either buy it for the price listed or get the f*** outta here.”

A**hole: “Well…YOU JUST LOST A SALE!”

The a**hole throws the decks down and stomps off, while everyone else laughs at him. 

I happen to be next in line, so I buy my game quietly, at the price listed. Even if it’s the last day of the convention, when the vendors don’t want to take everything home with them, two decks won’t make a difference, buddy!