(I work for a home goods store. One of our manager’s duties is to do random observations of employees and rate us on a one-to-four scale in various categories; too many ones in a shift or a week can result in being sent for retraining or losing your job. On a day where we’re unpacking new inventory during regular business hours, a manager calls me over to show me my evaluation.)

Manager: “I gave you fours on safety and store maintenance, but I had to give you a one on customer service and a one on productivity. You were so focused on the new inventory that you ignored four different customers in your department. I need you to sign the notice that you will be getting retrained on customer service, since you had two ones in the same shift.”

(He points out the four customers; I recognize each one from earlier interactions, but I sign the slip, anyway.)

Manager: “Before we get this on the schedule, do you know how you could have handled the situation differently?”

Me: “Well, when I asked the customer looking at flatware how she was doing 20 minutes ago, she said, ‘Yes,’ and scurried away. The two in bakeware never looked away from their conversation long enough to acknowledge that I’d asked if I could help them find anything, and the one in table linens has been on her phone for the past ten minutes, and when I greeted her, she rolled her eyes, pointed at the phone, and stormed off.”

(I didn’t have to go for extra training.)

(My fiancé and I have been living together for five years when he proposes and I accept. Oddly enough, several people assume too much.)

Them: “Are you pregnant? When are you due?”

Me: “I’m not pregnant. They know what causes that, now.”

(My older sister and I have finished shopping at a thrift store and are waiting in line to check out. There are lots of families in the store, and soon there is an announcement over the store’s PA system.)

Store PA: “For safety reasons, children cannot be left unattended in the store. Please make sure your children are with you at all times.”

(While we wait, I’ve decided to look at the jewelry displays on the other side of the register counters. I am gone for maybe a minute, but out of the corner of my eye I notice my sister is already talking to someone, which isn’t that unusual, given how outgoing she is. She’s in her mid-20s and is talking with a man who looks to be in his 40s. When I return, I do not expect to hear the following.)

Random Man: “It’s important to keep up with the trends to look presentable. I have thousand-dollar suits, but this was too good a deal to pass up. I mean, eight dollars?” *holds up old-looking, yellow-ish and tan blazer* “One time, it was raining and I didn’t want to ruin my fancy shoes, so I wore grungy shoes—”

Sister: “And you brought the other pair to change into?”

Random Man: “No. But wearing those shoes turned out to be a mistake.”

(I’ve been silent, trying to figure out why she’s talking to him about work clothes. She suddenly turns to me.)

Sister: *in a louder, more excited voice* “I’m thinking about going back and buying that Super Truck video game.”

Me: *groaning* “Please, no. That game looked so stupid.”

Sister: *continues pointedly talking to only me* “Nah, it looked fun!”

(I get the feeling she’s trying to avoid talking to the man again, and we continue to chatter about video games until we reach the register. We pay quickly and dash out the door before he can follow us.)

Me: *Incredulous* “Was that man in a thrift store trying to hit on you by saying he has thousand-dollar suits?!”

Sister: “Yeah! I don’t know how I get all these random guys hitting on me! He was definitely way older than me and not that attractive. He just started talking about how he was going to get [the blazer] tailored.”

Me: *joking* “I should have known better. They clearly said not to leave your children unattended in the store, for safety reasons.”

Sister: *also joking* “Yeah, this is all your fault.”

(I am talking with my friends about bands when the conversation shifts to Nirvana.)

Friend #1: “I actively avoid listening to Nirvana.”

Friend #2: “WHAT?!”

Me: “The ghost of Kurt Cobain will haunt you tonight.”

Friend #1: “Let him! See if I care!”

Me: “So, you’re just going to be like, ‘Spirit of Kurt, come as you are.’”

(I am the opening cashier in the store one morning. It has been kind of quiet and I am in a good mood. A customer approaches my register with three cans of paint and visible frustration. We go through the usual schtick and he says:)

Customer: “I just want you to know I’m going to [Paint Store] after this.”

Me: “Oh? Was there something you couldn’t find?”

Customer: “I wanted ten cans of this paint and you only had nine. So, I wanted to tell you that you’ve missed out and I’m taking my business elsewhere.”

(A head cashier has been listening. She gives him an apology as I finish the transaction. The customer leaves. Once he’s gone:)

Me: “I came in here looking for ten cans of paint and you had nine. So, I’ll take three, and then buy the other seven at a more expensive place. It doesn’t make sense, but I’m frustrated and therefore someone has to suffer. Joke’s on me, though, cause it’ll be me who suffers.”

(The head cashier and I shared a quick laugh. I get being upset that you couldn’t get everything you wanted, but why screw yourself over like that?)