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Daddy Issues All Over The Country

, , , , , | Friendly | March 21, 2019

(My family has a running joke that my dad knows everyone; this fact will be important later. I moved to Alabama from Louisiana about six months before this story. It is an eight-hour drive from one city to the other. My partner and I are three hours into the drive to visit my family when a tire pops on the interstate. Our spare is also ruined, and was supposed to be replaced a month ago at a visit to the tire shop. It takes about three hours to get to the tire shop from the interstate and to get news about the state of our tires. At this point, it’s not looking hopeful. The salesman tells us the tire and spare are both no good, and he has none in the same size. But, LUCKILY, he has a tire that was special ordered to be picked up that day, but the man who ordered it had to reschedule pickup for a few days longer. So, he sells us the tire and reorders for the other customer. We are paying, and the guy asks where we are headed:)

Me: “I’m from [City] in Louisiana, so we’re going to visit my family.”

Salesman: “That’s where I was born and raised. Who’s your kin?”

Me: “[Last Name].”

Salesman: “Oh, I went to high school with a [Dad], [Aunt], and [Cousin].

(My partner starts laughing while I just sigh.)

Me: “My dad is [Dad]. And he does literally know everyone, no matter where I go!”

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Worst Soda Ever

, , , , | Right | February 24, 2019

(Our restaurant has a self-serve soda fountain. It has a catch tray for drips and wasted ice. As I walk by it I see a woman scooping the ice with her hand into her cup.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but that ice isn’t clean. Other people dump out their drinks here.”

(She stops, puts the lid on the cup, and hands it to a young boy with her.)

Boy: “Granny, I don’t want that anymore!”

Grandmother: “Just take it and let’s go!”

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They’re A Sandwich Shy Of A Picnic

, , , | Right | February 18, 2019

(I am working at a sandwich restaurant with just one other person, and we have about fifteen customers. I’m having to put veggies on customers’ orders and work the till. I’ve just rung out four customers when I wash my hands and put on gloves to start with veggies.)

Me: *while putting on gloves* “Hi. What veggies can I get on your sandwich?”

Customer #1: “Lettuce, pickle, and mayo.”

Me: “All right. Is that it for you today?”

Customer #1: “LETTUCE, PICKLE, AND MAYO!”

Me: “Yeah, I got that. Is that it for you today?”

Customer #1: “Oh… Yeah, that’s it.”

Me: *moves on to the next customer* “Any lettuce or tomato?”

Customer #2: “Lettuce, tomato, pickles, and mayo, please.”

(I finish both orders and wrap them up. I’ve just taken off my gloves to ring them up.)

Customer #1: “No, she and I are not together; don’t add her to my total!”

Me: *internally facepalms* “Yes, ma’am, I know this.”

Customer #1: “SHE AND I ARE NOT TOGETHER!”

Me: “I KNOW! Your total is $6.54. Your order is in front of you. Hers is off to the side here. So, stop trying to grab both, or I will charge you for hers, too.”

Customer #1: *quietly swipes card*

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They Have A Stolen Drink Problem

, , , , | Right Working | February 6, 2019

(I’m the manager on duty. A couple of young women are filling out applications, not eating or drinking, and two of their friends come in to eat. The friends pay, get their food off the buffet, and sit at a table by themselves. The two applicants get up to go sit with them. After a while, I come around a corner and see one of the applicants walk from the front register area carrying a paper cup which we give out only for a purchased soft drink. Suspicious, I ask the cashier:)

Me: “Did you ring up that girl for a drink?”  

Cashier: “No, I wasn’t near the register. You didn’t, either?”

Me: “No.”

(I walk over to the table as the two applicants are about to rush out.)

Me: “Excuse me, did you get someone to ring you up for that drink?”

Girl: “Umm…” *nods her head*

Me: “Who? The cashier says she didn’t and it wasn’t me, either.”

Girl: *smiles and shrugs*

Me: “What makes you think you can get free drinks here?”

Girl: “…”

(I took the drink out of her hand and threw it in the trash while her friends burst out laughing. She walked out like nothing had happened. Normally, I would have made her pay, but I just wanted her gone. And I threw out her application.)

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Can’t Fight Tooth Or Nail For That Appointment

, , , | Right | January 16, 2019

(I work at a very small dentist office in a very small town. We service at least 1,000 patients with one dentist. It’s a Friday. The doctor is at a meeting all day and I am just here answering phones. We are an affordable dentist office. Nothing fancy here.)

Me: “Dr. [Dentist]’s office; how can I help you?”

Patient: “Yeah, um, I was in there a few months ago and had a root canal. I couldn’t afford a crown, so the doc did his magic, but the filling is really loose and I think it may come out. Can I come in this afternoon and have him fix it again?”

Me: “Oh, no! I am so sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, the doctor is out today and we are completely filled up on Monday. I will be more than happy to get you in on Tuesday around two o’clock.”

Patient: “WHAT?! Tuesday is too long to wait! My tooth is already ruined. If I wait until Tuesday it will be totally ruined! I will just go somewhere else!”

Me: “That’s fine, sir. Have a great day.”

(This happens more often than not. People think they are the only patients we have and that the world revolves around their tiny, sad, smalltown lives. Twenty minutes go by. The phone rings again.)

Me: ”Dr. [Dentist]’s office; how can I help you?”

Patient: “Yeah, um, I’ll take the two o’clock on Tuesday…”

Me: “Not a problem, sir. I’ve got you down and we will see you then. Thanks and have a great day.”

(Sad thing is, he probably called around and found out how much most other dentists charge for simple procedures. You’re paying for his nice new office, chairs, all the pretty assistants, and his new BMW parked outside.)

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