Abstinence, The New Fragrance From The Makers Of Ignorance

, , , , , | Right | October 21, 2017

(My coworker who stocks pharmacy overnight overhears two young customers looking at condoms.)

Customer #1: “Hey, which condom do you recommend?”

Coworker: “The best kind of birth control is abstinence, but we don’t sell that here.”

Customer #1: “Abstinence? Yo, man, have you heard of that?

Customer #2: “No, I have no idea. How do you spell that?”

(My coworker told them how to spell it, and the customers said they would go home and search it. I pity today’s youth.)

Unfiltered Story #98102

, , , | Unfiltered | October 17, 2017

(I’m sitting at the front desk like usual, when my coworker comes up. Note that we’re both female. I’m from the US originally and she’s not.)

Me: “Hey [Coworker].”

Coworker: “Hey, do you have a rubber?”

Me: *eyes bug out* “Umm, no? I don’t keep condoms at my desk?”

Coworker: “WHAT?! NO! NOT WHAT I MEANT! A rubber band! A rubber band!”

Both: *dissolve into laughter like children*

Sir Dude

, , , , , , | Right | October 11, 2017

(I am 58 years old and in the checkout line. As the twenty-something cashier is scanning my groceries she asks:)

Cashier: “Would you like paper or plastic bags, sir?”

Me: “Plastic.”

Cashier: “Did you find everything today, sir?

Me: “Yes.”

Cashier: “Do you have any coupons, sir?”

Me: “No.”

Cashier: “Do you need any stamps, sir?”

Me: “No.”

Cashier: “Do you have any bottle returns, sir?”

Me: “No.”

Cashier: “That comes to $48.53, sir”

Me: *as I am handing her the cash, I say jokingly* “You know, you keep calling me ‘sir.’ That may make me feel like an old guy.”

Cashier: *handing me my change* “Here’s your change, dude.”

(I cracked up laughing, thanked her, and chuckled the rest of the day when I recalled the event. Thanks for the laugh!)

Trying To Weed Out The Confusion

, , , , | Right | October 10, 2017

(I am ringing up a customer who has several packs of alcohol and two packs of cigarettes. My coworker is bored, so she’s trying to help me by bagging everything.)

Coworker: “Would you like a bag?”

Customer: “No, I don’t smoke.”

(My coworker and I exchange very confused looks, and then stare at his cigarettes, wondering what he’s talking about, before he seems to realize something.)

Customer: “Oh! You mean for the alcohol! No, I’m good. I thought you wanted me to buy weed from you, and all I could think was: ‘Why would I buy weed from you? I don’t even know you!’”

Not Sure How I Should Take That

, , , , | Right | October 2, 2017

(The credit card readers in our store are finicky. The machine shows a picture indicating which way it takes the card, but it actually reads on both sides of the slider. If it doesn’t read it, we ask them to turn it around. One day, two men come up to my till with a bag of dog food.)

Me: “Your total is [total].”

(The customer slides his card and the machine issues a long beep, which means it didn’t read it.)

Me: “Oh, can you slide that again? It didn’t read it. Just turn it around the other way.”

Customer #1: “Oh, it doesn’t show it that way.”

Me: “I know. It takes it both ways.”

Customer #2: “So does he.”

(At this point, I pause for a moment, wondering if I heard right. Then I laugh awkwardly.)

Customer #1: “Dude!”

Customer #2: “What? She laughed.”

Customer #1: “Her face is all red.”

(I quickly circle the survey on the bottom of the receipt and hand it to [Customer #1].)

Me: “I’m fine.”

(I try to laugh it off as the two customers leave. I see my coworker walking by, grab him, and tell him what just happened. He looks at me for a moment, blinking, then bursts into laughter and starts to walk away.)

Coworker: “I’m glad I’m not a cashier.”

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