(The credit card readers in our store are finicky. The machine shows a picture indicating which way it takes the card, but it actually reads on both sides of the slider. If it doesn’t read it, we ask them to turn it around. One day, two men come up to my till with a bag of dog food.)

Me: “Your total is [total].”

(The customer slides his card and the machine issues a long beep, which means it didn’t read it.)

Me: “Oh, can you slide that again? It didn’t read it. Just turn it around the other way.”

Customer #1: “Oh, it doesn’t show it that way.”

Me: “I know. It takes it both ways.”

Customer #2: “So does he.”

(At this point, I pause for a moment, wondering if I heard right. Then I laugh awkwardly.)

Customer #1: “Dude!”

Customer #2: “What? She laughed.”

Customer #1: “Her face is all red.”

(I quickly circle the survey on the bottom of the receipt and hand it to [Customer #1].)

Me: “I’m fine.”

(I try to laugh it off as the two customers leave. I see my coworker walking by, grab him, and tell him what just happened. He looks at me for a moment, blinking, then bursts into laughter and starts to walk away.)

Coworker: “I’m glad I’m not a cashier.”

(I’m working third shift in a convenience store that is locally known for their dairy and doughnuts. We get fresh doughnuts every night, and my coworker takes about an hour to put them away. He’s currently on a weight restriction where he can’t lift more than three pounds, so tonight I’m putting away doughnuts for him while he runs the register. A customer comes in trying to buy beer, but we have a strict policy for IDs if you appear under 40. The customer is denied the sale. She then brings an eight-pound bag of ice up to the counter.)

Customer: “Can I get this bagged, please?”

Coworker: “Sure.” *gets the bag* “Though I’m currently on a weight restriction right now and can’t lift the ice into the bag.”

Customer: “Okay. Do you have another employee who can?”

Coworker: “I guess?”

(He called me over, forcing me to put down a tray of doughnuts and take off my gloves, to walk over and put the ice into the bag. Then she picked up the bag with the ice and just walked out. We are still confused as to why she made me bag the ice when she could have easily done it.)

(I am a cashier and server at a pizzeria in a mall food court. Note: I am Pagan and wear a pentacle necklace. At this business, you are allowed to refuse to take jewelry off if it is a religious symbol. This customer is a die-hard Christian and is very pleasant to me until we reach the register)

Me: “Welcome to [Pizzeria]! how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Hello, dear. I would like the number one combo, with a cheese slice, side of baked ziti, and a regular drink please!”

Me: “Sure thing! Coming right up!”

(I put the pizza slice in the oven to let it get hot, and walk over to the pop machine which usually blocks customers’ view.)

Me: “And what kind of soda would you like to go with your meal today, ma’am?”

Customer: “I would like a regular sized [soda] please!”

Me: “All right! Here you go!”

(I go grab her pizza and put it on her plate with her ziti.)

Me: “Your total will be [total], Please!”

Customer: “Out of twenty, please!”

(While I am getting her change, she notices my pentacle necklace and says this…)

Customer: “Blasphemy! You are a witch! You worship Satan! You live your life in sin!”

Me: “Um… excuse me?!”

Customer: “You probably even touch yourself at night, don’t you!? What do you think Jesus thinks about you?!”

Me: *completely blank faced and emotionless* “Ma’am, here is your change, and to answer your question, yes, I do… and I think of Jesus while I do it. He probably thinks I am pretty awesome because of it!”

(A customer recently picked up a salad from our carry-out. Later, she calls back to tell us that when she got home, she found only lettuce in the box, no toppings. Because I am the manager, I just tell her to come back with the salad so we can replace it.)

Customer: *coming in and shoving the box at me* “Here!”

Me: *opening the box and indeed seeing only the lettuce*

Customer: “See? What kind of place is this? I want one with actual ingredients in it, not just this rabbit food!”

Me: *looking from her to the box* “Ma’am, I think I know the problem here.” *I close the box, flip it over, open it, and come face-to-face with the rest of the salad – all ingredients included.*

Customer: “Oh…”

Me: “Here’s your salad back, ma’am. I hope you have a great day.”

(It’s a busy lunch and I am the only manager in the store. A customer comes in from the drive-thru with a messed-up order. One of my crew members steps over to help him. She re-rings in the missing food so the grill team knows to make it, and hands the customer his receipt with a zero balance and his order number on it.)

Crew #1: “Your order number is 260. I’ll have it up for you in just a minute.” *she gets the food and hands it to him, telling him to have a nice day*

Customer: *to another crew person who just came up front* “Why are you charging me?”

Crew #2: *thinking he is joking, because we have several regulars who play around like this frequently* “We can’t just give out food for free.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. Why are you charging me? I want to speak to the manager.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. What is the problem?”

Customer: “I came through the drive through and you forgot half my order. Now you’re charging me. This is going to cost me more in credit card fees than the food is worth. I shouldn’t have to pay twice.”

Me: “You didn’t pay twice. Your food is right here. I’m sorry for the mix up.”

Customer: “I weigh 240 pounds! One sandwich isn’t going to last me all day. You can’t charge me twice! I don’t mean to be rude, but this is ridiculous.”

Me: “Sir, I’m not really sure what the problem is. I’m sorry we missed some of your order, but it’s right here now. No one is charging you again.”

Customer: “I shouldn’t have to pay again; this is insane.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I don’t understand the problem.”

Customer: “That girl told me I owed her $2.60.”

Me: “No. She told you your customer order was 260. It’s how we make sure each customer gets the right order.”

Customer: “Then why did she give me a receipt?”

Me: “So you would know your order number?”

Customer: “Oh. Sorry.”