Raceless Accusations

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(One of my bosses is talking to me about a group of legal Mexican workers on our job site.)

Boss: “Look at all them being lazy, taking our jobs.”

Me: “Actually, we’ve been here for a month and we’re two and a half weeks behind. They’ve been here a week and they’re close to being done.”

Boss: “Well, I’ll bet they’re all illegal.”

Me: “They had to show their green card to the job site supervisor over there. I asked their boss.”

Boss: “How’d you ask that him? I bet he can’t even speak English!”

Me: “Actually, all but two of them speak pretty good English. I think one of them was even born in America.”

Boss: “Well d*** it! Could you just let me hate them?!”

The Trim Reaper

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Customer: “Are these real trees?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “I mean, are they live trees?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “So, we just go cut them down, right?”

Me: “That’s right!”

Customer: “Will it still be a live tree after we cut it down?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but cutting the tree down does mean the tree will die. However, if you water it daily, it should survive until Christmas.”

Customer: “But you said those were live trees!”

The Case Of The Choo-Choo Charlatans

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(I work as a photographer at a railroad station where people can dress up in old time clothes and sit in a prop made to look like a train.)

Customer: “Excuse me, does the train still function?”

Me: “Yes, if you go right outside you can buy tickets for the trains.”

Customer: “No, no. I meant that one.” *points to our fake train prop*

Me: “That’s just our background for the photos.”

Customer: “Yes, but does it still function? Can I ride it?”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s a prop. It’s fake.”

Customer: “But is it functional?”

Me: “No, it’s fake. It’s connected to the wall.”

Customer: “Well, that’s just dumb. I don’t know why you have it in here, then!”