(Not So) Heavy Brain

, , | Right | April 25, 2010

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Store]! Anything I can do for you?”

(Customer puts a copy of a video game on the counter.)

Customer: “I’m returning this game; it’s not for me.”

Me: “What didn’t you like about it?”

Customer: “It was the stupidest game ever! I walked around a house for ten minutes, went to the mall, then my kid died and the credits rolled and it was over!”

Me: “Uh… those were the opening credits.”

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Military Intelligence, Part 5

, , , , , | Right | April 24, 2010

(A customer drives up to my window and hands me ticket.)

Me: “Hello, sir. The charge is $8, please.”

(The customer hands over money and then looks at screen which displays charge amount.)

Customer: “You know, your screen is confusing. Before, it said 18, and now it says 8.”

Me: “Yes, the screen displays the time before the ticket is read.”

Customer: “Hmm, then you better fix your clocks. I don’t think I have ever heard of 18 o’clock.”

Me: “The clock is on military time.”

Customer: “Oh…”

Friend in Customer’s Car: “Didn’t you serve in Iraq?”

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Too Ham Fisted To Realize

, , , , | Right | March 23, 2010

Me: “Hello, ma’am. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Do you have any kosher ham here?”

Me: “No, I don’t think there is such a thing.”

Customer: “Darn it! I’ve been to three stores today, and none of them had it either. My husband’s parents are in town, and they’re Jewish. I wanted to make them dinner.”

Me: “I don’t think Jews are allowed to eat pig.”

Customer: “Duh, that’s why I need to get it kosher, so they can eat it.”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t think they make any kosher ham.”

Customer: “What about pork?”

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Judging Helps You To (Ac)Quit Unhealthy Eating

, , , , | Right | March 23, 2010

(A woman comes into my cashier line with a single bag of chips.)

Me: “Did you find everything you were looking for today?”

Customer: “You rang me up last time! Don’t judge me!”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “You’re judging me! Stop judging me!”

Me: “Ma’am, I was just asking if you found everything.”

Customer: “Stop judging me!” *begins gasping hysterically*

Manager: “Ma’am, how can I assist you? What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “She’s judging me! She’s going to call my husband!”

Me: “Ma’am, I have no idea who your husband is. I won’t be calling him.”

Customer: “You rang me up last time and now you’re judging me!”

Manager: “What did she say to you?”

Customer: “Nothing! But she knows I bought these chips yesterday!”

Me: “Ma’am, I may have rung you up yesterday, but I don’t recall doing so. I handle hundreds of transactions.”

Customer: “You’re lying! You know I bought these chips and you know that I’ve eaten the whole bag already and you’re going to call my husband! I was going to sneak these into the house so he wouldn’t know I’d finished the bag but you’re judging me!”

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The Tenth Circle Is Stupidity

, , , , | Right | March 19, 2010

(A customer looks at our new game ‘Dante’s Inferno.’)

Customer: “Is this, like about Dante from Devil May Cry?”

Me: “No, it’s based on the poems.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “It’s was originally a series of poems. The Divine Comedy.”

Customer: “So, it’s a book?”

Me: “No, it’s a game based on the poems from the Divine Comedy.”

Customer: “What? So, it’s a game, then? What the heck is a poem?”


This story is part of our Poetry roundup!

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