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Stealthy Healthy, Part 2

, , , , | Right | January 14, 2011

(Our fast food outlet just started selling oatmeal yesterday.)

Me: “Welcome to our store. Would you like to try our fruit oatmeal today?”

Customer: “Wait, that actually sounds healthy. I’m confused.”

Black Ops To Get You Black Listed

, , , , , , | Right | January 7, 2011

Customer: “Hi. I have a question for you guys. I haven’t been able to log in to Xbox Live. Has there been an outage?”

Me: “Not that I’m aware of. Have you done anything while online that might have gotten you banned?”

Customer: “No. I’ve only been playing the one game and no one is even online when I check!”

Me: “I think you might have to call their tech support. They should be able to help you out.”

Customer: “Oh, all right. Anyway, I also want to cancel my pre-order for Black Ops.”

Me: “Okay. I can do that for you. May I ask why?”

Customer: “I’ve already got it.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “I already have it. Nobody’s online, though.”

Me: “Sir, are you telling me that you’ve been playing a game that hasn’t been released and that you are actively going online with it?”

Customer: “Yeah. Why?”

Me: “I think I’ve figured out why you can’t get on Xbox Live.”


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Special Sale: Half Price Gravity

, , , , | Right | January 5, 2011

(I work in customer service at a call center. We were running a promotion on engraved pens and the caller has decided she wants to buy 5000 pens. She inquires about shipping and upon hearing the price begins drilling me on the weight of the pens (233.33lbs) and the full cost of the order ($1,576.36).)

Me: “Okay, so shipping looks like it will be about $100.”

Customer: “Why so much?”

Me: “Well, as that is a very large number of metal pens. The weight will be about 233.33 pounds.”

Customer: “But why does it weigh so much?”

Me: “Because, ma’am, that’s 5000 metal pens.”

Customer: “But how much does that cost total?”

Me: “$1,576.36.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll call back tomorrow and see how much it weighs then.”


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No ID, No Idea, Part 2

, , , , | Right | December 9, 2010

Me: “Do you have an ID?”

(The girl hands me her ID. She’s 21. She walks in; the boy she’s with starts following her.)

Me: “Oh, do you have an ID with you?”

Boy: “Um…”

Me: “An ID?”

(He hands me his room key and smiles.)

Me: “This isn’t…”

Boy: “I know.” *walks sadly out*


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Knocked It Before He Thai’d It

, , , , | Right | November 22, 2010

(Our store has a hot lunch station, which includes soup made in-house.)

Customer: “Is there a schedule for the soups? Like, is it the same thing week after week?”

Me: “It is right here.” *pointing to this month’s soup menu*

Customer: “It seems like the soups lately have all been kind of, well, leftish fringe. All red lentils and stuff.”

(He scrutinizes the menu, muttering to himself.)

Customer: “Ha! ‘German Sausage and Potato.’ That’s normal. Who knows what the h*** is in ‘Thai Curry.’”