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May Also Cancel Brain Waves

, , , | Right | July 24, 2010

(I am helping a customer looking at headphones. He reads one of the tags out loud.)

Customer: “Black noise-canceling headphones. There’s such a thing as black noise?”

Me: “Sir, those are the color of the headphones.”

Customer: “Oh, because I’ve heard of that white noise. Are you sure it doesn’t just cancel the black noise?”

Too Closed For Comfort

, , , | Right | June 9, 2010

(I work for a huge, nation-wide department store retailer. Our stores are rather large, and doing well.)

Customer #1: *to her friend* “Isn’t it sad? They’re closing this branch of [Store]?”

Customer #2: “Oh, really? When?”

Me: “Actually, we’re not closing. Believe me.”

Customer #1: “Yes, you are, because I read it somewhere. Was it in the newspaper?”

Me: “What makes you think that we’re closing, may I ask?”

Customer #1: “See, look!” *she gestures toward our small clearance area in the front of the store.*

Me: “Nope, that’s just our clearance area. We’re getting ready for spring.”

Customer #1: “Right, because you’re closing.”

Me: “No, ma’am. We’re the largest [Store] in the tri-state area. If we’re closing, no one at the store has been informed of it!”

Customer #1: “Wow, they didn’t tell you yet?!”


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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 2

, , , | Right | June 2, 2010

Me: “Your total is $152.37.”

(Customer begins to write out a deposit slip from the back of her chequebook.)

Me: “That’s a deposit slip, not a cheque.”

Customer: “Oh, so I can’t pay you with this?” *confused look*

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, take it out of this, then.” *hands me a roll of cash* “But don’t take more than $75 out of there.”

Me: *takes $75 out of roll* “And how would you like to pay for the rest of this?”

Customer: “Umm…” *confused look* “I have to pay more?”


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Naturally Stupid

, , , | Right | May 6, 2010

Me: “Front desk, how can I help you?”

Customer: “There’s a noise outside and it’s keeping me awake.”

Me: “What does it sound like, ma’am?”

Customer: “Squeaky toys or something. Do you allow dogs here?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, we do, but they’re all on the first floor. Let me see if we anyone is out back and I’ll call you right back to let you know what I find out.”

(I go and check out back and there isn’t anyone out there. However, the sound of the early spring frogs is deafening. I call her back.)

Me: “Ma’am, those are frogs.”

Customer: “Well, can you turn them off?”

Me: “No, ma’am, they’re frogs.”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t come here for your nature sounds. I’m only staying here because I need a place to sleep. I refuse to pay for the sound of frogs.”

Me: “Well, the nature sounds are complimentary.”

Customer: “Oh, well… good night, then.”


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(Not So) Heavy Brain

, , | Right | April 25, 2010

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Store]! Anything I can do for you?”

(Customer puts a copy of a video game on the counter.)

Customer: “I’m returning this game; it’s not for me.”

Me: “What didn’t you like about it?”

Customer: “It was the stupidest game ever! I walked around a house for ten minutes, went to the mall, then my kid died and the credits rolled and it was over!”

Me: “Uh… those were the opening credits.”


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