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Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Back To The Gas Station

, , , , , | Legal | May 29, 2021

I’m in line at a gas station where I’m a regular customer, waiting to pay for my gas and a few other items. The station has two cash registers served by the same line. Usually, only one register is open, but if there are a lot of people in line, another employee will open the second register to help clear the line.

When I get in line, only the first register is open. I wait patiently, with three or four other customers behind me. When I’m next in line for the register, an employee sees the line and opens the second register, calling for the next person in line.

I start to step over, and then a woman at the back of the line of customers SPRINTS to the register. I see her coming and take two long steps to make sure I get to the register before her. I place my own items on the counter and use my body to block her from reaching past me to put her own items on the counter. This makes her mad.

Woman: *Screaming like a banshee* “I WAS HERE FIRST! YOU CUT ME OFF! GET OUT OF MY WAY!”

I turn to the woman, calmly point out where the back of the line is, and turn back to the cashier. The woman continues shrieking, and the cashier and I both roll our eyes at her behavior.

As I reach for my wallet to pay, something slams into the back of my head, hard enough that I have to brace myself against the counter for a few seconds to make sure I’m not seriously injured. When I know I’m okay, I turn around to see the woman with an unopened but dented aluminum pop can in her hand.

Practically shaking with rage, I make a conscious effort to restrain myself from punching her and I pull my phone out of my pocket. As I dial and begin explaining the situation to the person on the other end of my call, the woman realizes what is going on and flees the store. I finish telling the 911 dispatcher what happened, including a description of the woman’s car while I watch her get in and speed out of the parking lot.

Two police officers arrive, and I give my official statement to them. Other customers and the employees also provide statements, and the store manager agrees to hand over the footage from the store’s security cameras.

I agree to press assault charges against the woman, and the store also presses charges for shoplifting — she took her items without paying — and for driving off without paying for her fuel. After giving my statement, I accept an ambulance ride to the hospital for a concussion evaluation and am diagnosed with a minor concussion.

A week after the assault, I go back to the hospital for a follow-up exam and am given a clean bill of health. I take all of the paperwork from the ambulance ride and my two exams to the county courthouse and file a civil lawsuit against the woman for the bills.

The woman chooses to fight her various criminal charges but is found guilty on all counts at her court trial. After declaring the sentence, the judge also rules in my favor in my civil lawsuit and awards me full compensation for my medical bills resulting from the woman’s assault.

This story is part of our Best Of May 2021 roundup!

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Read the Best Of May 2021 roundup!

He’s Everything You Ever Want, Everything You Ever Need

, , , , , | Romantic | May 22, 2021

Me: “We should watch that circus movie starring not-Hugh-Grant.” 

Husband: “You mean The Greatest Showman with Hugh Jackman?” 

Me: *Laughing* “Yes. That’s the one!”

I love it when he knows what I’m talking about.

Not A Picture-Perfect Request

, , , | Right | May 9, 2021

I answer the phone and speak to a woman looking for a particular type of wreath we carry. I find the largest ones and tell her their sizes and prices, and she asks if she can pay for them over the phone. We don’t take payment over the phone, and I tell her so. We hang up.

A little while later, I answer the phone again.

Customer: “Did I talk to you about the wreaths?”

Me: “Yes, that was me.”

Customer: “Can you send me a picture of what they look like?”

Me: “I don’t believe I’m allowed to do that. I’m not allowed to have my cell phone on me on the sale floor.”

Customer: “How am I supposed to know what they look like?”

Me: “They’re probably on our website. You can try there.”

I apologize, and she sounds kind of grumpy but says she’ll check the website as we hang up.

Coworker: “What was that about?”

Me: “I spoke to that lady earlier about wreaths. She wanted me to send her a picture of them and I told her I couldn’t.”

Coworker: “Then we have a customer’s personal information, and they have ours. No.”

I get that you live some distance from the store and don’t want to drive here if we don’t have something, but if you want a picture of something, go on the store’s website. It should all be on there. Employees aren’t allowed to just send you pictures of things.

Their Only A-Gender Is Hate

, , , , | Right | May 7, 2021

Usually, my call centre is an amazing place to work. It’s near some beautiful natural surroundings, the architecture is very pretty, and my coworkers rock! Our callers are usually okay, too, but we sadly do get some nasty pieces of work occasionally. I’m nonbinary (which my company is really cool about) and I’ve politely asked the customer not to call me by a gendered honorific and politely explained that I do not wish to discuss my gender with strangers. The call has gone very smoothly until this:

Me: “Well, if there’s nothing else, I’d like to wish you a great day!”

Caller: “Yeah, I hope you have a horrible one.”

Me: *Small stunned pause* “Oh, dear! I’m sorry… May I ask what went wrong?”

Caller: “Yeah, you’re a f****** weirdo, dude! Get me your manager!”

The customer went on to rant for quite some time at my total teddy bear of a boss upon transfer. It turned out that he had just gotten out of a thirteen-hour workday, but that is no excuse for bigotry.

A Blend Of A Jerk And An A**hole

, , , | Right | May 6, 2021

I am a customer waiting in line behind a particular cranky man.

Worker: “Here are your blizzards, sir!”

The customer looks down at the ice cream, then looks back at the worker.

Customer: “You guys usually blend these. This isn’t blended. You just threw some s*** on top!”

Worker: “I assure you, sir, that’s how we normally make it, and it is blended.”

Customer: *Looks at her disdainfully.* “It is not blended! You need to blend it!”

Worker: *Dies a little inside* “Yes, sir.”

She takes the ice cream back and blends it more.

Customer: “Finally! Thank you!” *Stalks off*

Me: “What the f***?!”