You Don’t Need That Actually Needs That, Part 2

, , , , | Right | September 29, 2017

(I’m taking an order on the phone.)

Me: “This is [Pizza Place]. Will this be for pickup or delivery?”

Customer: “Pickup.”

Me: “Okay. Can I get a name?

Customer: “I have a discount card!”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “I want a large pepperoni.”

Me: “Okay. Can I get a name?”

Customer: “And a spaghetti!”

Me: “Okay. Can I get your name?”

Customer: “I have the discount card.”

Me: “Yup, I’ve got that written down here. Can I get a name for the order?”

Customer: “How long?”

Me: “Twenty minutes. Can I get—”

Customer: “Okay, see you then!” *hangs up*

 

You Need To Take A Mandatory Break-ing Bad

, , , , , , | Working | September 29, 2017

(My coworkers and I, both teenagers, are finishing up our shift. Our manager notices two empty plastic baggies on the counter.)

Manager: “Anyone know what these baggies are for?”

Coworker: “Meth, probably.”

Manager: “Where’d it all go?”

Me: “We smoked it.”

Manager: “And you didn’t share it with me?!”

Coworker and Me: “Nah.”

Manager: “A**holes. Don’t you know that sharing is caring?”

(We all went back to work.)

Lost That Game Before It Even Started

, , , , | Right | September 28, 2017

(The return policy at the game store where I work is clearly printed on the receipts, but many people don’t bother to read them. A sketchy-looking customer approaches me.)

Customer: *tosses bag down on the counter* “I’d like to return this, man.”

Me: “Not a problem! Just give me one second to process that for you.” *runs through the procedure quickly* “Okay, I’ll just need to swipe the card that you used to purchase [Game].”

Customer: “Nah, I just need the cash back. Don’t have no card.”

Me: *internally sighing* “Okay, let me just check on something with my manager.” *I go back to explain the situation*

Manager: *shakes head* “If he doesn’t have the card he used to purchase, have him use a different one.”

Me: “Sorry, sir. We need a card of some sort in order to process this return.”

Customer: “I already told you that I don’t have a card. I just need the cash! I saw this sitting on a bench. Some dude left it and I figured I’d get money for it.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “Just give it back. Never mind…”

(He takes the product and starts walking out of the store. On his way, he bumps into another guy hurrying through the door.)

Customer: “Hey, I recognize you. This is your stuff. I suppose you can have it back.”

Other Guy: “Thank you!” *happily walks out with his stuff*

(I explained the situation to the manager once I’d recovered. He shook his head, muttered about potential fraud, and looked through the security footage. That’s one man who won’t be welcome back in our store!)

Self-Aware Takes Care

, , , , | Right | September 25, 2017

(My boyfriend works late on Valentine’s Day, so as a surprise, I call up one of our favorite restaurants to get some dinner.)

Employee: “[Deli Name], how may I help you?”

Me: “Hi there. I’d like two [sandwiches] for carry-out. I’d like those to be ready at about 7:15 tonight. You guys close at 7:30 tonight; is that correct?”

Employee: “Yes, that’s correct.”

Me: “Okay, be honest. Is it a total d*****-bag move on my part to request food that near to closing?”

Employee: *laughs* “No, it’s not. See you tonight.”

(At 7:15 pm:)

Me: *walking in the door* “Hi. I called in a carry-out order this morning.”

Employee: *laughs out loud and points at me* “You’re the one who’s not a d*****-bag!”

Me: “Haha, yep, that’s me. So, I’m still not one then?”

Employee: “Heck no! Here’s your food. I put some extra chips in there for you.”

(Sometimes it pays to be self-aware.)

Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 40

, , , , , , | Working | September 14, 2017

(I’m well-known around my work as being a Pokémon fan, having been one since before I started working here about 17  years ago, so it is no surprise when I start playing “Pokémon Go”. A coworker’s little girl, who’s about four, is obsessed with Pokémon as well. One day, my coworker swings by our work while I’m working, to drop some supplies off. As she and I are chatting, her daughter is running around the place playing “Go”.)

Me: “Did you pick up [Item]?”

Coworker: “Yeah, it’s on the back table.”

Daughter: *running up to us* “Mommy! I caught a Pidgy!”

Coworker: “You know, [Daughter], [My Name] plays Pokémon, too.”

Daughter: “We can play together!”

Me: “That’s okay, hun; I’m supposed to be working.”

Daughter: “Okay!” *runs off again*

(A few minutes later she runs up to us again.)

Daughter: “I just caught an Oddish!”

Me: “Exciting! Those are kind of uncommon.”

Daughter: “Yeah!”

(She runs off again, and we resume talking, and [Daughter] returns again in few minutes.)

Daughter: “I found a Jigglypuff!”

Me: *to coworker* “Excuse me; I’m gonna go catch this too…”

Coworker: *laughs*

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