My wife and I were long-distance while dating, and between my last visit and when I moved in, she adopted a cat. The cat was so skittish she hid from nearly everything. She hid during thunderstorms, fireworks, plastic bags being opened, and visitors coming over, and only barely allowed my wife to sometimes pet her.

Me: “When did you know you wanted to marry me?”

Wife: “The day after you moved in.”

Me: *Laughing* “Why, because I cleaned your entire apartment while you were at work and had dinner ready when you got home?”

Wife: “Nah, it was [Skittish Cat]. She wasn’t hiding like I thought she’d be with a new person in the house; she was on your lap! You were even petting her and she was just purring away, happy as could be. You looked up, smiled, and said, ‘I thought you said she was skittish!’ That was when I knew. If you could win over [Skittish Cat] that fast, you were someone I needed to be with.”

Me: “And because you like my meatloaf.”

Wife: “And because I love your meatloaf.”

This story has been included in our June 2020 roundup as one of that month’s most memorable stories!

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I’m a Korean-American working as a cashier at a liquor store, and I am in my mid-twenties. I have grown up and lived here pretty much all my life and I run into these types of encounters with customers at least twice a month. This type of situation happens frequently with older white males.

Me: “Hi. Did you find everything okay today?”

The customer just stares.

Me: “Yes? No?”

Customer: “Where are you from?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Where are you from?”

Me: “I live here in Minneapolis.”

Customer: “No, where are you really from?”

I know where this is going and want to be a smarta**.

Me: “I grew up in a small town about thirty miles north of here.”

Customer: “No, no, you know what I mean.”

Me: “Nope, I’ve lived here for almost 25 years of my life.”

Customer: “No, no.”

The customer makes motions around his face with his hand.

Customer: “This! Where were you born?”

Me: “Well, I was born in Korea, but I moved here when I was about eighteen mon—”

Customer: “I see, I see! Yes! When I was stationed over in Vietnam, I saw all kinds of Oriental women from all over Asia, and I always thought Korean women were the most beautiful women. They were so delicate and shy! You just remind me of this one woman I met in Hanoi; I think she was Korean or Vietnamese or something, and she was the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen!”

Me: “…”

My in-laws own a building restoration company, mainly dealing with old brick structures. They will not do new construction. 

City council meets with local business owners to try to combat low employment rates, especially among people with any sort of criminal record. 

Mayor: “You own a construction company; why not take on a few more employees with less desirable records?”

Father-In-Law: “Well, you see, it’s building restoration. I can only take on workers with experience in old construction or a background in engineering.”

Mayor: “Nothing wrong with training new, hard-working citizens, though.”

Father-In-Law: “Sounds good, but it won’t work. Everyone has to come back clean on the background check; we often work unsupervised in businesses, even the occasional bank after hours. I don’t want anything to go wrong.”

Mayor: “Fine. Just know you are being unreasonable.”

A few months later, the mayor hires my father-in-law to repair the sinking front steps of his home. He sends out a guy who’s 6’4” and 250 pounds and has tattoos from his neck to his fingertips and rippling muscles. He’s the sort of guy that you wouldn’t want to cross. He is a life and fitness coach, and an extremely nice guy. He doesn’t know the first thing about repairs.

He knocks on the front door with a toolbox, and the mayor just about calls the police. Instead, he calls my father-in-law to ask about him.

Father-In-Law: “Oh, yeah, he works for me; he applied a few weeks back. I thought about what you said and figured I’d give him a shot. He got out early on good behavior; I think it was felony assault and possession of narcotics.”

Mayor: “And you sent him out to my house?”

Father-In-Law: “Well, yeah. You pushed for more felons to be hired! Thought you’d love to see the results. Is he working okay? Or are you afraid he’s going to rob the place?” *Laughs* “He’s a good guy, never went to prison. Just showing you that image is part of business.”

He sent someone to actually reset the steps after the call.

I am checking the aisles, making sure sale items are fully stocked, when I overhear this coming from the next aisle:

Woman: “All right, you can get some candy… Go ahead, pick out what you want.”

I thought nothing of this, picturing a mother with her child, until I came into this aisle moments later. It was a retired couple, with the wife giving her older husband permission to get candy.

I work at a smaller branch of a bank where almost everyone is a regular and we are encouraged/required to be extra friendly and chatty with every customer. One particular gentleman is visiting from Nevada and has a habit of coming in a few times a day to withdraw money. He hasn’t been visiting long but has managed to become notorious enough that we usually direct him to our one male teller. This interaction takes place during a rush, so I’m unable to hand him off.

Me: “Welcome back! What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Just a withdrawal.”

Me: “Sounds great. What are you up to today?”

Customer: “I just got done with [behavioral class] and I’m gonna go home and play with myself. I mean—” *leering* “—play my guitar.”  *Winks*

I want to avoid an uncomfortable conversation, so I continue as if he really is talking about playing the guitar.

Me: “Aw, that should be fun!”

The customer is chuckling, making sideways eye contact.

Customer: “Yeah, I think I’m going to call a few people over and have them play with me.”

Me: “Even better!”

Customer: *Still leering* “Heh heh, yeah, maybe you can come over and you know, play with me.”

Me: “Unfortunately, I never did pick up the guitar. That was my cousin’s thing.”

He leans across the counter, makes solid eye contact, and utters the following.

Customer: “Well, in that case, I’ll just have to think about you.”

Me: “Here’s your money, sir. Enjoy your evening with friends.”

As of now, he has one week left of his class and we are ALL counting down the days.