Unfiltered Story #116476

, | Unfiltered | July 15, 2018

(Note: My sister’s friend has come over, and like typical teens, they start
gossiping about the guys they like. My sister’s friend likes a guy from
Chaska, about 2 hours away from where she lives. She didn’t tell us his
name, so I started calling him “Guy from Chaska.”)

Sister: You should come over on Valentine’s Day! We can be single together!

Her Friend: No, I don’t think I can. I might be busy.

Sister: Oh, come on! What could you be doing on Valentine’s Day?

Me: (quietly, to myself) Guy from Chaska.

(I had meant it as that they were going to spend time together, but I
realized the double meaning. I looked up horrified, and my sister and friend
are laughing their heads off.)

It Will Go Pasta It’s Use-By Date

, , , , , | Friendly | July 11, 2018

(It’s my day off, and I’ve made popcorn as an afternoon snack. I don’t eat all of it, and I don’t want to throw half the bag away, so I put it in the largest container I can find: a see-through plastic one. My roommate comes home.)

Roommate: “I thought that was pasta! I was going to ask if it needed to go in the fridge!”

Me: “Haha. No, just popcorn! I didn’t want to throw it out if I might eat the rest in another day or two.”

(The next day.)

Roommate: “Your pasta-popcorn freaked me out again!”

When Life Gives You No Lemons…

, , , , , | Right | July 11, 2018

(In our store, we make lemonade from scratch — we actually juice real lemons — so when we run out of lemonade, if there is a rush, we can’t make more right away. A couple comes in. The man orders an Arnold Palmer, which is half iced tea, half lemonade. I make it, using the last of the lemonade we have.)

Me: “Here you go! Anything else?”

Man: “Nothing for me. Anything for you, sweetie?”

Woman: “Can I have a raspberry lemonade?”

Me: “I’m so sorry, but we’re out of lemonade right now; he got the last of it. Can I get you something else?”

Woman: “Um, how about a plain lemonade?”

Me: “I apologize, but we’re out of lemonade; he got the last of it in his drink.” *points to man’s drink* “Is there anything else you might want?”

Woman: *pondering hard* “Well… do you guys make frozen lemonade, you know, like a slushie?”

Me: “…”

Man: “Oh, my God.”

Woman: “What?”

Man: “They’re out of lemonade!”

Woman: “Well, she could have said something! Geez!”

Get It Right Next Dime

, , , , , , | Right | July 10, 2018

(My friends and I go to a mall to celebrate my birthday. I decide to buy a lotion.)

Clerk: “Your total is $5.36.”

Me: *gives a five-dollar bill* “Here is a five, and I’ll get out some coins.” *gives a quarter* “Here you go.”

(The clerk just stares at me.)

Clerk: “Its $5.36, not $5.25.”

Me: *gives a dime* “Whoops! Sorry.”

(The clerk continues to stare at me more intensely.)

Me: “Oh! I need to give you a penny. I can’t math; it’s a Friday.”

The Merc With The Mouth Versus The Customer With Opinions

, , , , , | Right | July 9, 2018

(I work in a movie theater. I’m a manager helping on concessions one morning when a man in his 20s or 30s comes in.)

Customer: “What time is Star Wars playing?”

(I give him the times and he starts to leave, then he suddenly comes back up.)

Customer: “I have one more question.”

Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”

Customer: “Why is Deadpool so violent? It’s so violent, too much!”

(I laugh, thinking he is joking. He stares at me, waiting for an answer.)

Me: “Sir, I didn’t make the movie, I have no control over how much violence they put in it.”

Customer: “So, why is it so violent?”

Me: “I didn’t make the movie… Deadpool is a very over-the-top movie. I personally loved it!”

(The customer glared at me and stormed out the door.)

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