No, But They Will Make You Howling Mad

, , , , | Right | January 9, 2018

(This happens to a coworker of mine. They are standing in front of the wolf pen:)

Zoo Visitor: “Are the wolf eggs poisonous?”


20/20 Vision

, , , , | Right | January 4, 2018

Me: *hands cashier a $20 bill*

Cashier: “Please answer the questions on the screen.”

Me: *pressed button for $20 cash back*

Cashier: *dumbfounded look*

(I had gotten $20 from a group to buy a birthday gift for our friend. I used the $20 to buy the gift, but then realized I needed $20 later to buy other things!)

Four Score And Four Tickets Later

, , | Right | January 2, 2018

Customer: “Four tickets.”

Me: “Which movie?”

Customer: *speaking slowly and loudly* “Fooouuur tickets.”

(We go around like this a couple more times until I finally get the movie title.)

Me: “Would you like the regular or 3D showing?”

Customer: “Four tickets.”

Building A Wall Between Them And Common Sense

, , , | Healthy | December 28, 2017

(I work for an insurance nurse-line helping people with injury and illness questions. We are required by HIPAA to fully verify a member before discussing any specific issues or giving specific information on their health plan. There have been a number of people who object to HIPAA law, but this one takes the cake. The member in question doesn’t have her ID card on her and doesn’t want to use alternative methods to verify who she is.)

Member: “But I didn’t know I’d need to identify myself. Why can’t you just give me the information I need?”

Me: “Federal privacy law, called HIPAA, does not allow us to discuss or give out information to unauthorized people.”

Member: “But that’s a dumb law and President Trump doesn’t allow dumb laws, so you need to give me the information I asked for!”

Doesn’t Seem To Realize Where English Comes From

, , , , , | Right | December 27, 2017

(After assisting a customer with an account issue.)

Customer: “I hate having to speak to all these foreigners before speaking to a real American. They can’t even speak English half the time. Thank God I am speaking to a real American.”

Me: “I will say, it can be hard to understand some of our overseas reps at times.”

Customer: “Yeah, lucky you and I were born in the USA. Real Americans.”

Me: “Actually, I was born in England, in the UK.”

(Shocked silence.)

Customer: “Well, you speak English real good. Fooled me.”

Me: “Uhh… Thanks? Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “No, no.” *muttering to himself before he disconnects the call* “D*** fooled me. Don’t know what’s going on in the world these days. Can’t tell the foreigners from the Americans!”

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