You Can’t En-jury Any More

, , , , | Related | January 16, 2019

(My mother-in-law has popped by for a visit and to drop off some things. I’m not in the best mood and she notices.)

Mother-In-Law: “Is [My Name] okay? She’s usually much more bubbly and talkative.”

Wife: “It’s… been a rough few weeks.”

Mother-In-Law: “Yeah, the holidays can be rough. At least they’re over now.”

(My wife and I share a look.)

Me: “Not just the holidays, though those were a huge part of it. We had to kick [Ex-Roommate] out over the weekend. They had money problems earlier in the year but they were keeping the house clean, so it was fine for a while, but then they stopped doing that, too.”

Wife: “And they for some reason really had a problem with [My Name] but every time we tried to talk to them about it, they just got hostile and angry. We even have screenshots to prove it.”

(Reads a few messages off.)

Mother-In-Law: “Geez, I’d be in a bad mood after all that, too.”

Me: “Oh, there’s more.”

Mother-In-Law: “Oh, no.”

Wife: “Apparently some important health insurance forms never got mailed to us, so [My Name] doesn’t have health insurance for a few weeks while that gets sorted, so we can’t refill her meds. Or go to that specialist next week that we had to fight all year to finally get a referral for.”

Me: “And we were so broke over the holidays we could only afford to give each other a single gift this year, and nothing for anyone else, which my family got mad about. I managed to find two nice things on clearance for [Wife] that were under budget together, but one of them was defective and the other package was stolen off the porch. Since they were both clearance items, no returns, refunds, or exchanges.”

Wife: “And one of the problems we had with [Ex-Roommate] is that [My Name] made them a hat for their birthday and when she gave it to them, [Ex-Roommate]’s response was ‘where would I ever go to wear this?!’ and left it when they moved out. [Ex-Roommate] is also going around telling their friends that we’re horrible people for kicking them out right after their birthday, even though we let them live here for free for three months.”

Mother-In-Law: “I thought [Ex-Roommate] had a second job now?”

Wife: “Yeah, that’s why we got firm about rent. We told them they had to start paying us rent again since they could afford it now and the next day they showed up with a truck and hauled their stuff to their parents’ place. On top of all that, you know about the issues I’m having with my work managers, so I’m looking for another job but nothing is hiring. All this has happened within the last week-and-a-half, so neither of us are in the best of moods right now.”

Mother-In-Law: “Well, YEAH, you guys have had a h*** of a time. I wouldn’t be in a good mood either after all that. Geez, what else could happen?”

Me: *thin smile* “Yesterday I got summoned for Jury Duty.”

(My mother-in-law must have sensed I was at my wit’s end because she canceled her plans so she could take us out to dinner instead. Much to my embarrassment, her offer made me burst into tears and we had to wait for me to calm down to go. I’m so glad the holidays are over!)

They Come In And Mope(d) Around

, , | Working | January 16, 2019

(I’m at the local DMV transferring the title of a moped I just bought. While this is my first moped, I’ve done my research and know that this particular vehicle is, indeed, a moped which means I don’t need a motorcycle license. But in the middle of the paperwork, this happens.)

Employee: “Is this a moped or a motorcycle?”

Me: “It’s a moped.”

Employee: “I don’t know… I think this is supposed to be a motorcycle.”

Me: “No, it’s a moped. You can even see here on the title that it’s a moped.”

Employee: “How big is the engine?”

Me: “50 ccs.”

Employee: “Yeah, I think it’s 50 ccs is a motorcycle.”

Me: “No, it’s 50 ccs and below.”

Employee: “Let me check.”

(He calls over his manager and he tells him the issue.)

Manager: “How big is the engine?”

Me: “50 ccs. It has a top speed of 30 mph. It’s a moped.”

Manager: “No, I think that’s a motorcycle. You’ll have to register it as a motorcycle.”

Me: *baffled* “Fine.”

(I finished the paperwork registering the vehicle as a motorcycle and took home my new plates. About a week later, I got a letter in the mail. I needed to come back into the DMV because the vehicle I’d registered as a motorcycle should have been classified as a moped. Thankfully, they didn’t make me pay for their error.)

You’re Not Going Crackers

, , , | Right | January 15, 2019

(I’m in a grocery store to pick up some empty boxes and grab a few ingredients for dinner while I’m there. While I used to work for the company, I left over a year ago and never worked at this particular location. I’m dressed in a black sweatshirt with a large event logo that looks nothing like the store’s logo.)

Customer #1: *pointing to wrapped cucumbers* “Excuse me. These are cucumbers, right?”

Me: *picking one up for my own purchases* “Yep, they’re the regular ones, for $1.69.”

Customer #1: “Thank you!” *he looks over at me* “Oh! I’m sorry, I thought you worked here.”

Me: “That’s okay, I used to. Glad I could help.”

(I continue through the store and end up in another aisle looking around for a smaller item. A lady approaches me while I was looking.)

Customer #2: “Excuse me, could you recommend me some crackers? Oh, I’m so sorry. I thought you worked here!”

Me: *laughing* “No, but I used to. Tell you what. I was always good with pairings, and I need to get some crackers myself. I’ll take you over there and help you find some.”

Customer #2: “Oh, thank you so much!”

It’s Going To Be A Long Morning, Evening, Whatever

, , , , , , | Right | January 10, 2019

(I work at a local insurance company, at the call center that provides transportation for people on medicaid and medicare — people who have insurance through the state due to low income, disability, or old age. Transportation is strictly for medical appointments so that people can utilize their insurance while also staying healthy and bringing our costs down by avoiding ambulance and ER visits. This is a story my coworker told me about.)

Coworker: “Hello! Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [Coworker]; how can I help you?”

Member: “Where is my cab?! I had a ride today!”

(My coworker checks her account and sees she has a ride for 10:00 pm tonight. Notes from previous rep say, “Member insists it’s an 11 pm appointment.”)

Coworker: “Okay, ma’am, it’s a 10:00 pm pickup tonight.”

Member: “Nooooo! My appointment is at 11:45 pm this morning! I don’t need no f****** 10:00 pm pickup. WHERE IS MY CAB?!”

Coworker: “It is scheduled to come tonight. When is your appointment today?”

Member: “11:00 pm.”

Coworker: “So, tonight.”

Member: “No, you’re f****** r*****ed! 11:00 pm this morning!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, I keep hearing pm. Do you mean am?”

Member: “It’s this morning. I called yesterday.”

Coworker: “I understand that, ma’am. The issue is that you keep saying pm when I think you mean am, and I have notes here saying you did this yesterday.”

Member: “It’s one one zero f****** zero pm.”

Coworker: “So, just so I’m clear, you’re saying pm, as in this evening, as in afternoon.”

Member: “No! My surgery is before lunch!”

Coworker: “So, if I get you a pickup in the next 5 to 20 minutes, would that work?”

Member: “Yes, I want to be a couple minutes early.”

Coworker: “For your 11:45 am appointment, correct?”

Member: “I said pm, sir…”

Coworker: “So, no ride right now?”

Member: “Just send me that cab that y’all f***** up.”

(My coworker did end up setting up the cab ride, even though we have a policy against same-day-rides, as we call them. Also, before people start claiming senility or dementia, I would like to note the member was 47.)

Unfiltered Story #135446

, , | Unfiltered | January 5, 2019

Talked to a crazy person from Illinois.
(customer) ‘Where are you located?
(me) ‘We’re about 10 miles north of the Iowa border”
(customer) ” I haven’t heard of that; is the somewhere up North?”
(me) ……..”The state of Iowa”

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