His Intelligence Falls Way Short

, , , | Right | November 23, 2020

A customer walks up to my register holding a pair of shorts that are clearly marked as size twenty.

Customer: “What size are these shorts?”

Me: “Those would be a size twenty.”

Customer: “So what’s that? Is it a sixteen?”

Me: “No, it would be bigger than a size sixteen as those are a size twenty.”

Customer: “I don’t understand. Are they a size fourteen or sixteen?”

Me: “Neither. Again, they’re a size twenty.”

Customer: “This is all so confusing! How am I supposed to know if they fit?”

Me: “We do have fitting rooms for your convenience so you can try them on before buying.”

Customer: “You won’t tell me if they’re a fourteen or sixteen, and now you’re saying you expect me to try them on? This is way too much work!”

The customer threw the shorts at me and walked away in a huff.

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Tux To Be You!

, , , | Right | November 17, 2020

We sell and rent formalwear for men, like tuxedos.

Customer: *Over the phone* “What time do you close today?”

Me: “It’s a Sunday, so we close early. What time are you thinking of coming in?”

Customer: “I was going for like nine?”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s very late.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “We’ll be closed before then.”

Customer: “Can I just order over the phone and you can have stuff out for me before I get in, then? I am on a schedule.”

Me: “Ma’am, we can’t do that.”

Customer: “But you have to! I don’t know if you know this, but I’m the groom’s step-mom and I have to look nice!”

Me: “Do you need a dress?”

Customer: “Yes! What do you think I’m calling here for?!”

Me: “Ma’am, this is [Formalwear Store]. We don’t sell dresses.”

Customer: *Silence* “Then why the f*** did you call me?!” *Hangs up*

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This Customer Gives Themselves The Boot

, , , | Right | November 14, 2020

I work at a ski and snowboard hill. While it is my first season there, I went through around two days of six-hour training sessions and am certified in my department, which is ski and snowboard rentals. A woman and her child, around five years old, come up to me.

Me: “Hello! Welcome to [Resort]. Are you renting skis or a snowboard?”

Customer: *Already looking quite annoyed* “I’m just renting for my son. He needs boots and skis.”

Me: “Okay, have you filled out the form?”

Customer: *Blank stare*

Me: “The form the front desk gave you with his sizes, skill level, weight, and height?”

The customer proceeds to slap the form down. I grab the size boots the child wears, and I also start filling in the ski setting information. It’s a long process, as I have to follow a chart to ensure the safety of the child and set the skis correctly.

Customer: “HEY. These boots do not fit my child. I gave you his size and you gave me the wrong boot! Are you f****** dense?”

I look up to see that the child is still wearing his winter boots, tied and all, giving me the impression he hasn’t tried the ski boots on.

Me: “Well, our ski boots don’t say the exact size for a child his age. It says a letter that corresponds with the size. I can show you the chart I use?”

Customer: “No, this is ridiculous. I’m sure you’ve never skied a day in your d*** life! I’m a professional skier!”

The customer then slammed the boots across the table and grabbed her kid, who looked jarred, and dragged him out the door. She didn’t come back to my desk, and I didn’t see them come back in, thankfully. A coworker told me she demanded a refund on everything, which our manager declined as I was just doing my job.

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This Coupon Is Not App-ening

, , , , | Right | November 10, 2020

A couple pulls up at the drive-thru. Our restaurant has an app with coupons to scan in, which I scan. It doesn’t go through.

Me: “What the coupon was for?”

Customer #1: “To get a fry for 75¢.”

Me: *Looking at the coupon* “It looks like this is buy one and get one for 75¢.”

Customer: “No, it says nowhere that I buy one and get another for 75¢.”

Me: *Reading off their phone* “’Buy one fry and get one for 75¢.’”

Customer: “Yes. One fry for 75¢.”

Me: “That’s—”

Customer: “I want to speak to your manager.”

I call my manager back. She’s the absolute nicest person I’ve ever met, and she’s always so cheery with customers. She greets them with a smile, and she starts talking to them, telling them the same things I had.

I only hear snippets of the conversation, as other orders start coming that I have to take. Since my manager can’t magically make their fry 75¢, they want to speak with someone else.

Manager: “I have absolutely no control over the app. We don’t handle that, but you can take it up with corporate.”

Customer: “Dumba** b****!”

Manager: “And your mother is one, too!”

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Heli-dum, Part 3

, , , , | Right | November 5, 2020

I work at a popular party supply store. I’m up front cashiering, answering phones, greeting customers, etc. I get a call and this conversation with a very angry customer ensues.

Me: “Thanks for calling [Store]! This is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “I bought a package of your latex balloons and they’re broken!

Me: “Oh, that’s weird! How are they broken?”

Customer: “They won’t float when I blow them up! You changed them! I want a refund!”

Me: “Well, that’s weird. We haven’t changed our latex balloons in years. We can guarantee our balloons to last ten hours. When were they blown up?”

Customer: “I blew them up! Just now! They don’t float! Give me back my money!”

Me: “Sir… how did you blow them up?”

Customer: “What do you mean?! I just blew in them with my mouth. They used to float and now they don’t.”

Me: “Sir. I can assure you, they did not float when you blew them up, and they aren’t floating now because you need to fill balloons with helium for them to float. Helium is lighter than oxygen, so it won’t float if you just blow into them.”

Customer: “That is ridiculous! They always floated before. The balloons are broken.”

Me: “No, they aren’t. It’s high school chemistry.”

Customer: *Hangs up*

Related:
Heli-dum, Part 2
Heli-dum

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