Unfiltered Story #102716

, , , | Unfiltered | January 3, 2018

Me: “Thanks for calling [business name]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you today?”

Customer: “Hi, my laptop is frozen.”

Me: “Okay. Do you have a Mac or a PC?”

Customer: “I have a laptop.”

Me: “Okay, but what operating system do you have?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Do you have an apple on the back of your laptop?”

Customer: “It says Toshiba.”

Me: “Okay, you have a PC. Have tried restarting the computer?”

Customer: “No. It’s frozen.”

Me: “Try pushing the power button in the upper left hand corner of the keyboard.”

Customer: “No, that turns it on. You said to restart it.”

Me: “Yes, I did. The button can turn it off and on.”

Customer: “REALLY?!”

Four Score And Four Tickets Later

, , | Right | January 2, 2018

Customer: “Four tickets.”

Me: “Which movie?”

Customer: *speaking slowly and loudly* “Fooouuur tickets.”

(We go around like this a couple more times until I finally get the movie title.)

Me: “Would you like the regular or 3D showing?”

Customer: “Four tickets.”

Building A Wall Between Them And Common Sense

, , , | Healthy | December 28, 2017

(I work for an insurance nurse-line helping people with injury and illness questions. We are required by HIPAA to fully verify a member before discussing any specific issues or giving specific information on their health plan. There have been a number of people who object to HIPAA law, but this one takes the cake. The member in question doesn’t have her ID card on her and doesn’t want to use alternative methods to verify who she is.)

Member: “But I didn’t know I’d need to identify myself. Why can’t you just give me the information I need?”

Me: “Federal privacy law, called HIPAA, does not allow us to discuss or give out information to unauthorized people.”

Member: “But that’s a dumb law and President Trump doesn’t allow dumb laws, so you need to give me the information I asked for!”

Doesn’t Seem To Realize Where English Comes From

, , , , , | Right | December 27, 2017

(After assisting a customer with an account issue.)

Customer: “I hate having to speak to all these foreigners before speaking to a real American. They can’t even speak English half the time. Thank God I am speaking to a real American.”

Me: “I will say, it can be hard to understand some of our overseas reps at times.”

Customer: “Yeah, lucky you and I were born in the USA. Real Americans.”

Me: “Actually, I was born in England, in the UK.”

(Shocked silence.)

Customer: “Well, you speak English real good. Fooled me.”

Me: “Uhh… Thanks? Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “No, no.” *muttering to himself before he disconnects the call* “D*** fooled me. Don’t know what’s going on in the world these days. Can’t tell the foreigners from the Americans!”

Not So Nuts About Your Christmas Gift

, , , , , , , | Working | December 22, 2017

(I work part time in a grocery store deli. It’s around Christmas time when one of my coworkers brings in gifts she made for everyone in the form of some homemade sweets, like caramels and hot cocoa mix, all together in a plastic jar. She gives me mine.)

Coworker: “Here you go. I remember you’re allergic to nuts so I just gave you extra caramels instead of the nut clusters.”

Me: “Awesome. Thank you so much!”

(I put the jar away in the sandwich station fridge and go back to work. However, something is bothering me about the gift: I can’t quite place where I’ve seen those slender jars before. After a little while, I ask her.)

Me: “Hey [Coworker].”

Coworker: “Yeah?”

Me: “Where’d you get those jars you used?”

Coworker: “Oh, it’s just a peanut jar.”

(I pause, and stare at her silently.)

Coworker: “…oh. S***.”

(In her defence, she says she washed it out, but I still ended up just giving it to my roommate rather than risk it.)

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