Unfiltered Story #106362

, , | Unfiltered | February 27, 2018

(I was at a bus stop, waiting for a bus, when a guy walks up to me, cigarette in hand.)

Man:You have a light?
Me:No, I don’t. Sorry
Man:Geez, nobody has a light. Don’t people smoke anymore?
Me:Maybe people lost interest in slowly killing themselves.

The Gift Card That Keeps On Giving, Part 7

, , , , | Right | February 14, 2018

(I am cashiering at my store, where we have a rewards program for cardholders.)

Me: “Hi there. Find everything all right today?”

Customer: “Yes, thank you!”

(As I scan the first item, she looks confused.)

Customer: “That shirt was supposed to be 50% off.”

(When we scan items into the computer, it will automatically take off any discounts that we are currently offering, and the item is showing up as full price.)

Me: “Okay, let me just go to where it’s hanging and take a look at the signage to confirm that.”

(I realize the sign we have is a little misleading, so I decide to give her 50% off, anyway, and scan the next item, which also appears at full price.)

Customer: “That one is 60% off.”

(My manager is watching and goes to check the sign.)

Me: “Sorry, looks like that one is just going to be full price today.”

Customer: “But the sign says it’s 60% off.”

Manager: “I’m sure the 60% off sign is for the shirts that are hanging directly underneath it, and not the one you have here, which was hanging several feet away.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, I guess. Also, can I use my rewards?”

Me: *glad she’s not making a fuss about the discount* “Sure! Just let me scan in the coupon for you.”

(When I scan it in, an error message pops up and tells me that the rewards code has already been used in a previous online order.)

Me: “Sorry, the computer is telling me you actually already used this reward.”

Customer: “But I didn’t use it. I didn’t buy anything with it.”

Me: “Well, the computer shows that it was used with an online order. Does that ring a bell?”

Customer: “No! I didn’t use it! I never made any online order!”

Manager: *annoyed at this point* “If you want to use the reward, you’re going to have to call our customer service line and dispute with them that you never used the code. There’s no way for us to just take the rewards money off of your purchase because you said you didn’t use it. Our computer tells us that the code was used.”

Customer: *also highly annoyed with us* “Fine. I’ll call them.” *pays for items and leaves, complaining to her friends that she never used the code*

Me: *to manager* “Yeah, the computer was definitely lying to me, and she was telling the truth. Not like she could have possibly forgotten she used the code.”

The Gift Card That Keeps On Giving, Part 6
The Gift Card That Keeps On Giving, Part 5
The Gift Card That Keeps On Giving, Part 4

Unfiltered Story #105171

, , | Unfiltered | February 7, 2018

I had ordered some flavor syrups from a Wisconsin-based online retailer named after a famous painter. The phone call went smoothly with me providing all the necessary information I needed to place the order.
The order arrived in the mail a few days later and I noticed that one of the tamper-proof bands on one of the syrup bottles was broken as if it had been opened so, I called them back to see if they could do anything to remedy this.
Rep, “Thank you for calling [company] Gourmet. How can I help you today?”
Me, “I received my order and one of the seals on the peanut butter flavors has been broken. I was wondering if I could return it and order a replacement.”
Rep, “That sometimes happens in the warehouse. One of the workers must have accidentally dropped it or broken the seal unintentionally. If you want, we can send you a whole new order to make up for it.”
Me, “That’s not necessary. I just want to return this one and hopefully get it replaced.”
Rep, “No problem. We can send you another bottle of the peanut butter flavor. Feel free to either keep the one you have or dispose of it if you don’t feel comfortable using it.”
I gave them the necessary information and they said they’d send it free of charge.
When the shipment arrived, I noticed it was heavier than normal, so, I opened it to find three additional bottles of syrup and a few of the bottle tops that included a pump dispenser.
I called them back and they said I could keep the entire new order they sent me free of charge. Whoever you are, thank you. You’ve really gone over the top to make a customer happy with your brand and service.

Unfiltered Story #105163

, | Unfiltered | February 6, 2018

(I’ve got a new doctor and am giving them the rundown on my family history.)
Doctor: “I see on your form you checked yes to all the diseases we have listed. They ALL run in your family?”
Me: “Yes. I have a very large family and at least one of them has or had at least one of those diseases.”
Doctor: “Even [rare cancer]?”
Me: “Grandma died of it.”
Doctor: “Huh. Who in your family had [disease]?”
Me: “Two of my great aunts on my dad’s side, and my uncle on my mother’s side.”
Doctor: “And your family’s history of cancer… says all….?”
Me: “Doctors never really believe me but all the cancers you have listed there? Yeah, when I add up my mother’s side of the family and my father’s side, it’s all there.”
Doctor: *open mouthed shock* “Wow.”
Me: “I get that reaction from doctors a lot.”
(For reference, my grandmother was one of nine kids, my other grandmother was one of eleven, and all of their kids had at least five kids. It’s a big family, and they’ve all had some kind of major medical issue in the past, and most of them work in the medical field. I just tell doctors to check everything when they ask what runs in the family. It saves time.)

Not Listening Is A Disease

, , , , , | Healthy | January 19, 2018

(I’m in the ER with a dislocated shoulder.)

Nurse: “Are you on any medication?”

Me: “Synthroid, and I have an IUD.”

Nurse: “Any major surgeries?”

Me: “Appendix when I was 16, I had my thyroid removed last year due to cancer, and a few months ago I had a tumor removed from my foot.”

Nurse: “Any history of thyroid issues?”

Me: “Thyroid cancer, yes, last year.”

Nurse: “Any history of cancer?”

Me: “Thyroid. Cancer. Last. Year.”

Nurse: “Any chance you’re pregnant?”

Me: “No.”

Nurse: “You’re married. Are you sexually active?”

Me: “Yes, my wife and I are active.”

Nurse: “Are you sure you’re not pregnant?”

Me: “No, I’m married to a woman.”

Nurse: “When was your last period?”

Me: “When I got my IUD put in last year. I haven’t had one since.”

Nurse: *disbelieving look* “So, you haven’t had a period in several months, but you’re not pregnant?”

My Wife: “Oh, my. We are sexually active. We are married. Lesbians!

(The nurse left. A few minutes later, a male nurse apologetically came in and asked for my history again. He was much better and joked that lesbianisim was the best birth control.)

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