Not Climbing The Stairs Of Your Career

, , , , , | Working | June 9, 2017

(We have lots of restrooms in the building; however, we only have one that you don’t have to take a short flight of stairs to get to. We usually keep it locked when there isn’t a performance to keep it clean and keep the supplies from being used up. I’m on crutches, so I ask for the key.)

Me: “Hey, boss, is it okay if I use the accessible bathroom?”

Boss: “Yeah, sure, here’s the key. Just give it back at the end of the day so you don’t have to keep asking for it. I’m not here tomorrow but [Manager who also has a key] will be and she’ll get it for you until we get you a copy made.”

Me: “Cool, thanks. I’ll get a doctor’s note with an estimate of when I’ll be off the crutches, but they’re saying about three weeks.”

Coworker: “Wait, what? Why does she get a key? I hate going up those stairs. I’m older than her and I’ve been here longer. I should be allowed to get a key, too!”

Boss: “She’s on crutches. You don’t have a physical reason, and after her ankle is better she’ll be using the upstairs bathroom like the rest of us — after her doctor okays it.”

(I leave and come back. My coworker is standing in front of the office door, fiddling with something and obviously waiting on me.)

Coworker: “Oh, hey! I’ll give the key back to [Boss]. Go on in. I’ll be there in a sec.”

Me: “Um, actually I’m keeping the key all day so I don’t have to keep asking for it.”

Coworker: “Then I’ll hold onto it for you and you can just tell me when you need it.”

Me: “That’s… not going to happen.”

Coworker: “Look, you’re young. I’m getting on up there and I don’t want to climb those stairs. Just give me the key.”

Me: “Tell you what. You tear several ligaments and tendons in your ankle and come to work anyway and then I’ll hand it over. Until then, you use the stairs like [Boss] said.”

(My coworker tried to get me written up for “insubordination” despite him being the same level of employee as me, but our boss gave him a stern talking to instead. He got fired when we caught him going through my desk, looking for my copy of the bathroom key. Of all the things to be fired over!)

Your Temper Is On A Short Leash

, , , , , , | Friendly | June 8, 2017

(I live in a dog-friendly apartment complex, which is great, but can be a pain in the case of people like my downstairs neighbor. She constantly lets her dogs out without a leash and then stands around calling for them for several minutes. In this story, this is happening at four in the morning.)

Lady: “Sadie! Oh, Sadie, where are you?”

Male Neighbor: *slams open window* “Buy a god-d*** leash, woman!”

(She hasn’t so far.)

Respect Is A Two Way Phone-Call

, , , | Friendly | May 31, 2017

(I’ve just gotten a drastic hairstyle change — gone back to my natural brown from pink and blue and had over 12 inches cut off — and am texting a friend about it, while at a coffee shop. I  promise to send her a picture. Just as I raise my phone to take the pic, the woman behind me pipes up.)

Woman: “Ugh, young people and their phones.”

(I ignore her, snap the picture, and text it to my friend.)

Woman: *louder* “You young people really have nothing better to do than sit around on your phones, don’t you? At least use your phone to actually communicate rather than taking picture after picture.”

Me: “Are you talking about me?”

Woman: “At least my son will grow up actually talking to people rather than being glued to his phone his entire life. And—”

Me: *already knowing where this is going* “Let me guess. He’ll show respect for his elders, even when they’re being rude and disrespecting him?”

Woman: *primly* “Was I being rude? No, I don’t think so!”

Me: “Lady, I was minding my own business when you started loudly commenting on me being on my phone and generalizing me based on a minute of you spying on me. That’s rude, so I have no inclination to be ‘respectful’ to you. And not that I owe you any explanation, but I am communicating. My friend is deaf. Talking on the phone isn’t exactly an option.”

Woman: *turning red* “Well, you could at least wait until you see her. No need to be on your phone all the time, and there’s certainly no need to be rude to me.”

Me: “She lives a few hundred miles away, and even if she didn’t, who cares if I’m on my phone? As for being rude, I’m not the one bothering anyone, and I’m certainly not making loud, rude, and untrue assumptions and interrupting a conversation. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go back to chatting with my friend — and if you do mind, I don’t care.”

(She sputtered angrily and loudly bashed me to her friend who sat down a few minutes later. She wound up being asked by several people to be quiet because she was so loud, and left in a huff. But, hey, at least she wasn’t on her phone.)

Momma Raised Him Right

, , , , | Right | May 12, 2013

(It’s the night before Mother’s Day, and around three am we get a large shipment of roses. A young customer comes in and sees the huge display, which has over 100 bouquets.)

Young Customer: “Oh, man! You’re killing me with all these flowers!”

Me: “What?”

Young Customer: “I just gotta get some!”

(He grabs a full bouquet of a dozen roses plus a single rose, and then comes up to my register.)

Young Customer: “My momma always told me that if you give a lady a rose on Mother’s Day, it’ll make her smile the whole day long; don’t even matter if she’s a mother or not. I’m gonna make 13 lucky ladies smile today!”

Me: “Aww, that’s so sweet!”

(I finish ringing him up, and he turns to leave. Suddenly, he turns around and hands me the single rose.)

Young Customer: “You’re lady number one!”

(He then ran out the door before I could think of anything to say. I have to admit, though, I really did end up smiling all day because of it!)

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