It Can Be Nerve-Wracking Eating Popping Candy

, , , , , | Right | November 3, 2017

(Working as a wait assistant, it is my job to clear tables, bring water and bread, and help with whatever else needs to be done. I approach two young women sitting together so I can set down their water glasses and bread.)

Woman #1: “I’m nervous; I don’t know if I can do it.”

Woman #2: “There’s nothing to be nervous about. When the time comes, it will explode in your mouth, and you’ll enjoy it.”

Very Human Resources

, , , , , | Right | November 3, 2017

(I’m answering phones for a big department store when I get this interesting call.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name] speaking. What can I help you with today?”

Guest: “Can I speak to a human?”

Me: *pauses* “Yes.”

Guest: “Oh, is this a human?”

Me: “Yes, my name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Guest: “Is your store working today?”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Guest: “Like, can I go in and shop?”

Me: “Again, yes.”

Guest: “Well, thank you, human.”

Me: “Thank you for calling. Have a good day.”

Will Weather Through That Bad Grade

, , , , , , | Learning | November 3, 2017

(I am a graduate student at [University #1]. As part of my graduate coursework, I have to take a departmental seminar on how to make presentations of your research. I choose to present about a project I did as an undergraduate at [University #2]. For the project, I collected storm water runoff from roads, so I could only collect water when it was raining exceptionally hard. Because of this, I was only able to collect water on three days. I know that the project isn’t perfect, since I only had one summer to do it and $500 to spend on it. For reference, most graduate projects get tens of thousands of dollars in funding. But it is all I have to present on, because my graduate work isn’t done yet. It’s useful to note that the professor who moderates the presentation class has a reputation for being unreasonable and a bit of a show-off, and I don’t stand for it. At the end of my presentation, he goes on a rant that culminates in this exchange.)

Professor: “I just can’t believe you thought this was science. I mean, I’ve never seen a study with only three data points. Why didn’t you collect more data?”

Me: “Sorry, but the magic weather machine that makes it rain was booked up by a different department for the summer.”

(I got a C.)

That’s Not A Cherry You Want To Pop

, , , , , | Working | October 27, 2017

(I go to a local ice cream fast food place that offers patrons two toppings on all the sundaes. I am only in the mood for one flavor. The following exchange takes place.)

Me: “Hi, I’d like a one-scoop mint sundae with vanilla ice cream, please.”

Cashier: “What do you want for your other topping?”

Me: “No other topping. Just mint.”

Cashier: “We can only do one serving of topping and cannot give you a double.”

Me: “That’s fine. I only want one serving of mint on the sundae.”

Cashier: “We cannot lower the price because you only want one topping.”

Me: “I didn’t expect you to.”

(At this point, the cashier calls a manager over, claiming I am demanding overrides to give me double mint topping and reduce the cost of the sundae.)

Manager: “I’m sorry; we cannot do this.”

Me: “That’s fine. I didn’t want double mint topping, nor did I ask for a reduction in price, because I only wanted one flavor.

Manager: “We still cannot give you a discount.”

Me: “I never asked for one.”

Manager: *deer in headlights look*

Me: “Does a cherry count as a topping?”

Manager: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, I would like a mint sundae, with the cherry on the side.”

Manager: “That wasn’t so hard now was it? Your total is $2.50.”

(When I got my order, I left the cherry, which they did put on the side in a little cup, at the counter. The manager followed me out of the store, telling me that I forgot my cherry.)

Call Back Attack, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | October 26, 2017

(I am going through open case tickets. I find one that has a phone number to a direct line for the client. This isn’t unusual, but it’s not generally a common practice we use since we’re supposed to only call store locations unless told by the store manager, store owner, or our own supervisor. I dial the phone number in the case notes, since it says to call the store manager at the number provided. This all takes place before my work starts recording calls.)

Me: “Hi, my name is [My Name] and I’m calling from [Company]. I’m calling to follow up on the case here about [problem]. I see that the last notes in the case—”

Woman: *cuts me off* “I don’t know why you keep calling me! I told the last guy from your company that called that I don’t work at no [Company] and that I don’t wanna be bothered anymore! I’m out with my kid walking and you call me about some f****** issue for [Company] that I don’t work at! I told you before to stop calling my cell!”

Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience we’ve caused you. I’m making notes in the case to not call the number listed so we no longer make this mistake. I hope you have a good day.”

(I hang up and go about my job. A few minutes go by and I look at the incoming calls in the queue; I see the same phone number come up that I just got off of with the angry lady. I wait for the call to come up and I answer it. Sure enough, it’s the same lady.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. Do you have an existing case number to reference?”

Woman: “I don’t know who I just got off the phone with at your d*** company, but you f****** r*****s keep calling my God-d*** cell phone! I’m tired of being harassed by you stupid f*****s!”

Me: “I do apologize for the problems this has caused you, and I see there are notes in the case that mention to never use the phone number we have written down.”

Woman: “I don’t give a f*** what your notes say! You need to stop calling me. I don’t work at [Company] and I’m tired of you a**holes calling me while I’m out with my daughter!”

Me: “It’s noted in the case to not call your number again.”

Woman: “F*** you and your God-d*** company! Don’t you be calling my phone no more!”

Me: *knowing phone calls aren’t recorded* “Ma’am, it’s noted here to not call you anymore and you calling us back after we initially spoke to you, only to berate us, is uncalled for. Quite frankly, you don’t need to be a f****** b**** about it now.”

Woman: *gasps* “Uh… uh…” *gasps again, hangs up, and never calls back*

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