What An Alco-Hole

, , , , , , | Right | October 12, 2017

(Here in Minnesota we have strict liquor laws concerning selling anything other than 3.2 beer after 10:00 pm. If anyone sells alcohol past that time, both the cashier and the business get a very hefty fine. Imagine my grim surprise when, two minutes after closing, the door opens and a woman rushes in.)

Customer: “I know you’re closed, but I just got off the phone with the woman in charge. She said I could buy alcohol as long as it’s five minutes after.”

Me: “You talked to my boss?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(Thankfully, since my boss is cool, and I work in a small town liquor store, I’m allowed to be rude to fools.)

Me: *laughs* “You heard wrong.”

Customer: “She totally told me that. Where is she?”

Me: “She’s been gone for six hours; it’s just me here. But what is it you wanted?”

Customer: “I told her I was just going to get a pint of [Cognac].”

Me: *laughs even harder* “Ma’am, we’ve been out of [Cognac] for weeks. Well, I do have 1.75L of it left, but if you really need it that bad, it’ll cost $20,046.”

Customer: “What?! Why is it so expensive?!”

Me: “Because of all the fines we’ll receive for selling after ten o’clock, plus a little extra for me so I can find myself a new job after I sell it to you.”

Customer: *getting defensive* “Well, you don’t have to get hostile. I’ll call her back and get you fired, anyway!”

Me: *shrugs* “I wouldn’t hold your breath.”

(She angrily left, and I called my boss. Obviously, she never got a phone call from someone about coming in late. After a bit of speculation and calling around, we discovered that there was a new girl working two miles down the road at a separate liquor store, who answered the call. I saved her a massive fine.)

Unfiltered Story #96681

, | Unfiltered | October 8, 2017

<em>(I’m the wrong one in this story. For reference, I work at a pretty popular craft store and sometimes people bring dogs in with them. I’m standing with a coworker nearly on the other end of the store from the couple I’m observing.)</em>

Me: Is that a dog???

Coworker: What?

Me: Does that couple have a dog with them?

Coworker: *looks where I’m looking* Oh, that older couple? Maybe.

Me: It kind of looks like a puppy.

Coworker: Oh, I have to go look!

<em>(She walks that direction and comes back a moment later.)</em>

Coworker: They’re holding flowers.

Me: *mental facepalm* That would explain why they’re looking at vases.

<em>(In my defense, I was far away, and the bundle in the gentleman’s arms looked round and dog-like. But it wasn’t a dog. Sigh.)</em>

Pokémon Gold And Old

, , , , , | Right | October 6, 2017

(I am working in the gaming department. A couple and their young son of about six are looking for a game.)

Me: *to the kid* “What’s your favorite game?”

Kid: “Uh… I dunno.”

Me: “My favorite game is Pokémon.”

Kid: “No, it’s not!”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Kid: *defiantly* “Grown-ups can’t play video games.”

Chauvinism Is Soooo Fourth-Generation Console

, , , , , , | Right | October 6, 2017

(I’m working in the gaming department of an electronics store. At this time, our store’s gaming department is ranked #1 in the company, due in no small part to a female coworker who is very knowledgeable, skilled at selling, and personable. However, this situation plays out several times.)

Coworker: “[My Name], can you see if that group of customers needs anything? I asked them, and they said no, but I think it’s because I’m a girl.”

Me: “No problem.”

(I walk over to the group of teenage boys.)

Me: “Hey, guys, is there anything I can help you with?”

Customer: “Yeah, we’re wondering if [Game] is any good.”

Me: “You know what? I haven’t had a chance to play that one yet. But I do have a coworker that has, and knows everything about it. I’ll be right back.”

Customer: “Thanks!”

Me: *returning with my female coworker* “[Coworker], these guys had a question about [Game]. Can you help them?”

Customer: “Uh…” *silence, embarrassment*

(That coworker ended up getting a job in the gaming industry. To this day, I’m convinced that I will never know as much about games as her.)

Fought Toothpaste And Nail For It

, , , , , | Right | October 5, 2017

(I’m working in the appliances section of an electronics store, and an old man comes up to me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, where is the [Toothpaste]?”

Me: “I’m not sure. Wait, [Toothpaste]?”

Customer: “Yes, I know you sell it here. Where is it in your store?”

Me: “I’m a little confused. Where did you see that we carry [Toothpaste]?”

(The old man procures a copy of Consumer Reports magazine, and opens it to their reviews of various toothpastes. At the top of the page is the toothpaste he wants, with a little graphic that calls it out as a “best buy;” that is, a good thing to purchase. I explain it very carefully, and though disappointed, the man leaves my department. A few minutes later, over the walkie:)

Manager: “Hey, [My Name]. You know where everything is, right?”

Me: “Pretty much. Why?”

Manager: “Do you know where the [Toothpaste] is?”

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