Nerve Gas Can Really Affect Your Reputation

| AB, USA | Working | July 5, 2017

(In basic training, we had lectures following marches out in the woods. One I’ll never forget was the lecture on biological and chemical weapons. It is all very serious business until the sergeant who is giving the lecture says this:)

Sergeant: “Nerve gas can cause involuntary urination and defamation.”

(I nearly hurt myself trying not to laugh!)

This Process Has Some Teething Problems

, , , | Working | June 8, 2017

(This takes place when I’m in boot camp. Several people in my division are told we need to get our wisdom teeth removed. I go to my appointment, and the dentist performing the procedure on me already looks irritated when she walks into the room. When she pulls out the needle to numb my jaw, I start trembling the from anxiety of having a giant needle pointed at my face. The fact that I normally do not have a problem with needles and am having this unexpected reaction upsets me even more.)

Dentist: *sees me shaking and rolls her eyes* “Calm down, would you?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m trying to!”

(She begins to jab the needle into my gums and while it wasn’t painful, it was still extremely uncomfortable. Each time I whimper, she rolls her eyes and grumbles about how people need to quit being babies. She numbs the right side of my jaw and moves to my left side. This time, she practically stabs me in the gums and I immediately feel a sharp pain through the whole side of my face. This causes to me to scream and jump, probably not the smartest thing to do with a needle still in your mouth.)

Me: “OW! WHAT THE F***!”

(I sit straight up and she shoves me back down into the chair.)

Dentist: “SIT DOWN! Stop being so d*** difficult!”

Me: “Woman, that f****** hurt like h***! You hit someth…”

(Right then, my entire jaw closes and seizes up, I can barely open my mouth.)

Dentist: “Stop being such a wuss! You’re just making this worse on yourself, now open your mouth!”

Me: *as best as I can through closed teeth* “I. CAN’T!”

Dentist: “Bull-s***! Quit being difficult!”

(She then tries to physically pry my mouth open which results in a couple minutes of severe pain in my jaw and her getting mad when I reach up to pull her hands away from my face. She eventually realizes that I’m not just refusing to cooperate and there really is something wrong with my jaw. She glares at me for a moment and storms from the room. She returns a few minutes later and throws a sheet of paper at me which turns out to be an appointment slip.)

Dentist: “We can’t do this today. Come back on [date]!”

(I attempt to mime the question “What about my mouth?”)

Dentist: “You’ll just have to wait. If it’s still messed up in a few hours, come back. Get out.”

(I returned to my barracks where it took an hour for my jaw to release and I could open and close it normally. My division commanders and some of my fellow recruits had a good laugh at me in the meantime. I went back on the day the appointment slip specified and ended up with a more cheerful, sympathetic dentist who extracted my wisdom teeth with no issues!)

Deploying The Tea Service

, | TX, USA | Hopeless | April 4, 2017

(My brother is deployed and is suffering withdrawals from a particular flavored tea and asked us to send him some, which could cost us upwards of $60-80. I call the company for shipping advice even though I hate phone calls.)

Me: “Hi. I’m not sure if you know the answer, but my brother is deployed and I was wondering the best way to send two cases of flavored tea to his address.”

Rep: “Okay, I can look that up for you. What kind would he like?”

Me: “They only have the juices, so any of the flavored teas that aren’t diet would be what he wants.”

Rep: “Okay, what’s his address?”

Me: *gives address*

Rep: “Okay, this should ship in a week or so.”

Me: “Do you need a card for payment or something?”

Rep: “No, this is something we do for our service members to thank them for their service.”

Me: “Really?! Thank you! ”

Rep: “No, thank you for your family’s sacrifice!”

(They saved us money and totally made my brother’s day!)

You Need To Bring Some ID, Copy?

| USA | Working | February 22, 2017

(I recently got a new job on a military base. I lock my keys in my car on base and start looking for a locksmith. I happen to find one that says they work on base, so I call and set an appointment. The locksmith calls me to say he’s on his way. I assume that they have a way to get on base by themselves.)

Locksmith: “Oh, and can you tell me how to get on? The gate I usually take is closed.”

(I direct him to the next closest gate, again assuming he can get on by himself.)

Locksmith: “And can you meet me at the gate? I only have a copy of my ID on me and I don’t know if they’ll take it.”

Me: “Uh… how? You’re coming here to get my keys out of my car.”

Locksmith: “Well, the last few times I’ve come here I had them meet me at the gate so I can get on.”

Me: “Sir, I can’t. I don’t have any means of transportation.”

Locksmith: “Ok. Well, I’ll try my ID. But you should see about sponsoring me.”

(I have personally never done this and don’t even know if I have the clearance to do so.)

Me: “Well, let’s see what they say and I’ll look into it.”

(He hangs up but then calls a few minutes later.)

Locksmith: “Yeah, I couldn’t get on. They directed me to [other gate].”

Me: “Yes, that’s where the visitor’s center is. I’ll look up sponsoring while you get there.”

(He hangs up again and I call the visitor’s center on sponsoring and get the info. He calls back.)

Locksmith: “Okay, I’m here, but there’s a long line.”

Me: “Yeah, it gets crazy. Anyway I figured it out, you have your ID right?”

Locksmith: “It’s just a copy.”

Me: “No, I mean your driver’s license.”

Locksmith: “Yeah, it’s just a copy.”

(I know he said it earlier, but I had assumed he meant his military ID or something like that since we have a large number of dependents and retired members. It was then that he told me he had no photo ID on him whatsoever. I then told him I could not sponsor him and they simply won’t let him on. I was pretty angry and annoyed at this point because I spent an hour giving directions and figuring out sponsoring. I called the company and cancelled my request and when they asked why, I relayed this story. They were not pleased and did not charge me any fees, thankfully, and said they would speak with him. I was able to get my car unlocked by another company contracted with the base.)

Dialled With Military Precision

| WA, USA | Working | January 5, 2017

(My boyfriend answers a phone call at work but nobody has heard of the person the caller is looking for. He tells her she must have a wrong number.)

Caller: “Oh, well, is this [phone number]?”

Boyfriend: “Yes, it is.”

Caller: “Well, I get the impression I have reached a business?”

Boyfriend: “Correct.”

Caller: “Would you mind if I asked what business I have reached?”

Boyfriend: “Would you mind if I asked who is calling first?”

Caller: “Oh, yes, of course. I am calling with the Canadian Revenue Service.”

Boyfriend: “Well, you have reached the United States Navy.”

Caller: “OH, MY GOODNESS!”

Page 2/1012345...Last
« Previous
Next »