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The Mother Of All Answers

, | Learning | April 25, 2013

(I am about 12 years old and in seventh grade. I have some mental illnesses that earned me an IEP, or “independent educational plan” throughout my schooling. There is a specific teacher who deals with IEPs and is called into class if we “act out.”)

PE Teacher: “Why aren’t you wearing your PE shoes? I know you have issues changing out, but you NEED your shoes!”

Me: “We just got back from winter break and I grew. My PE shoes are too small.”

PE Teacher: “You need to put on your PE shoes.”

Me: “I can’t. They’re too small and hurt my feet.”

PE Teacher: “PUT THEM ON RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “Why can’t I just wear the shoes I have now? They’re also sneakers. Besides, you let [non-IEP student] wear her sneakers.”

PE Teacher: “She’s different than you! You need to put on your PE shoes RIGHT NOW or I’m calling [IEP Teacher]!”

(I do as she asks, begrudgingly. As expected, the shoes are too small and my feet begin to ache horribly. The above back and forth goes on for a while, until the PE Teacher decides to call my IEP teacher, insisting I’m just being difficult.)

IEP Teacher: “Why won’t you put on your PE shoes?”

Me: “They’re too small. We just got back from winter break, and I grew. They hurt my feet. Why can’t I just wear my other sneakers?”

IEP Teacher: “You need to wear your PE shoes.”

Me: “No. I won’t!”

IEP Teacher: “Fine. Come with me.”

(We leave class, but I’m only a little relieved; this IEP teacher is new and I don’t like her.)

IEP Teacher: “So, why wouldn’t you put on your PE shoes?”

Me: “They’re. TOO. SMALL. Please — I’ve been saying this for the last 45 minutes. The shoes I’m wearing are fine and if [non-IEP student] is allowed to wear her regular sneakers, why can’t I until I get new PE shoes?”

IEP Teacher: “No, you’re just being difficult.”

Me: *speechless*

IEP Teacher: “I’m going to call your mom, and she can come pick you up and take you to a shoe store to get you new PE shoes. Then you can come back here and finish the class.”

Me: “Let me get this straight… you’re going to call my mom while she’s at work, pull me out of school during class, and take me to get new shoes, and then COME BACK to FINISH the class? All in 20 minutes?”

IEP Teacher: “Yes, exactly!”

Me: “That’s f****** bull****.”

(I head back to PE class and, to my surprise, am not punished for my language. I later learn the following occurred seconds after I left when the IEP teacher still called my mom.)

IEP Teacher: “Your child cursed at me! She said an order I gave her was [curse].”

My Mom: “That’s odd. She wouldn’t curse like that unless she was given a reason. What did you tell her?”

(The IEP Teacher repeats her shoe shopping idea to my mom.)

My Mom: “Wait… so you want me to take time off work in the middle of the day, pick up my kid, take her to a shoe store so she can get some new PE shoes, and then somehow bring her back to school and sign her in in time to finish the class that, at now, only has 15 minutes left?”

IEP Teacher: “Yes, that’s all I asked!”

My Mom: “That’s f****** bull****.” *hangs up*

Please Let There Be A Make-Up Assignment

, | Learning | April 18, 2013

(My Spanish teacher is talking about the schedule for the upcoming class trip to New York City.)

Teacher: “…So then we go to a play. It’s in Spanish, but you can put on headphones which will give you an English translation, or you can try to make out—”

(Just then, the classroom phone rings, interrupting the teacher. The entire class begins laughing hysterically. The teacher answers the phone and talks for a bit and then continues where he left off.)

Teacher: “I meant you can listen to the English translation or try to make out what they’re saying in Spanish. Get your heads out of the gutter!”

What Up, I Got A Fowl Mouth

| Learning | April 17, 2013

(We’re in my computer class when the subject of Kidz Bop making a cover of the song “Thrift Shop” comes up.)

Classmate: “Ha! Can you imagine? ‘Walk into school, like, ‘What up, I got a lunch box!'”

Her Tone Rings Hollow

| Learning | April 16, 2013

(My class is working on homework before second period when someone’s phone randomly vibrates.)

Teacher: “Whose phone is vibrating?”

(I check my backpack and it’s not my phone. A few students also check their backpacks and find that their phones aren’t vibrating. The phone vibrates again.)

Teacher: “Whoever’s phone that is, can you please turn it off!?”

(Everyone looks around and the teacher gets very annoyed.)

Teacher: “For Christ’s sake, please turn off the d*** phone!”

(Everyone is now silently giggling and the teacher continues getting angry until the student helper points out the problem.)

Student Helper: “Mrs. [Name], it’s your husband calling you.”

(The teacher turns scarlet red and becomes wide-eyed while everyone laughs out loud.)

Teacher: “I’m sorry. If you’ll please excuse me…”

Dislike Mother, Dislike Son

| Learning | April 15, 2013

(I am in middle school. I am waiting to go home because of a doctor’s appointment. I am making small talk to one of the assistants who I knew previously.)

Me: “Hi. How are you?”

Assistant: “Great! How is 7th grade suiting you?”

Me: “It’s fun so fa—”

(Suddenly, a loud, angry, rude woman bursts into the room and begins shouting at the assistant.)

Rude Woman: “I demand to know why my son was given a detention!”

Assistant: “Miss, will you please wait? I was talking to this student.”

Me: “No, it’s okay—”

Rude Woman: “I don’t care about this stupid little boy!”

Assistant: “I’m going to have to ask you to never say that again or leave.”

Rude Woman: “You can’t tell me what to do, you incompetent b****!”

Assistant: “I am now going to ask you to leave or I will have to call security.”

Rude Woman: “No! Not until you tell me why my son got a detention.”

(The assistant calls security and a security guard walks in.)

Security Woman: “I am going to have to ask you to leave, miss.”

Rude Woman: “No!”

(After going back and forth, the rude woman refuses to leave and the security woman finally has to drag her out forcefully.)

Me: “Why did her son get detention?”

Assistant: “Don’t tell anyone I told you this, but for swearing and being rude to a teacher.”

(The next day, I found out the assistant got a bonus and week off for going through this.)