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May The Source Of This Quote Be With You

| Learning | May 15, 2013

(Another teacher and I are discussing recent girl drama with a student of ours, who is having trouble understanding why the other girls were being mean to her.)

Me: “They’re just jealous of you. Jealousy leads to fear. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate lea—”

(The student stands there, looking at me, completely confused.)

Me: “I’m sorry. I just realized I was giving you advice for dealing with girl drama from Yoda.”

Stand And Demoralize Her

| Learning | May 6, 2013

Teacher: “Class, this is Mrs. Shaw. She’s going to be observing the classroom for a few weeks. Say ‘Hello, Mrs. Shaw.'”

Class: “Hello, Mrs. Shaw!”

Mrs. Shaw: “Hello, class.”

Teacher: “Now, I want all of you on your best behavior.”

Student: *raises hand*

Teacher: “Yes?”

Student: “Is she going to school to be a teacher?”

Teacher: “She is in the classroom to observe and see what it is like to be a teacher.”

Student: “So, shouldn’t we be on our worst behavior then? So she can see if she still wants to do it after that?”

Stand-Up Grammedian

| Learning | May 4, 2013

(I teach middle school Spanish. Today, we are discussing vocabulary for describing family members.)

Me: “So, ‘las primas’ means female cousins.”

Male Student: *in a suggestive voice* “Ooh, female cousins!”

Me: “Careful, that’s illegal!”

Male Student: “Not in Alabama.”

A Tale Of Two Reciprocities

| Learning | April 28, 2013

(I am an assistant English teacher at a Japanese middle school. The Japanese teacher and I are teaching a lesson on plurals and spelling changes, such as “change ‘y’ to ‘i’ and add ‘es.'”)

Teacher: “If there’s one city, it’s ‘city.’ So how would you say ‘two cities’ in English?”

Student: *yells from back of room* “TITTIES!”

Welts In Your Wouth

| Learning | April 25, 2013

(I teach a geometry class. For one activity, the students are using M&Ms to help grasp a concept.)

Student: *frantically waving hand* “Miss [my name], Miss [my name]! We have a problem!”

Me: “All right. What’s going on?”

Student: *horrified* “One of my M&Ms… has a ‘W’ on it!”