Please Let There Be A Make-Up Assignment

, | Learning | April 18, 2013

(My Spanish teacher is talking about the schedule for the upcoming class trip to New York City.)

Teacher: “…So then we go to a play. It’s in Spanish, but you can put on headphones which will give you an English translation, or you can try to make out—”

(Just then, the classroom phone rings, interrupting the teacher. The entire class begins laughing hysterically. The teacher answers the phone and talks for a bit and then continues where he left off.)

Teacher: “I meant you can listen to the English translation or try to make out what they’re saying in Spanish. Get your heads out of the gutter!”

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What Up, I Got A Fowl Mouth

| Learning | April 17, 2013

(We’re in my computer class when the subject of Kidz Bop making a cover of the song “Thrift Shop” comes up.)

Classmate: “Ha! Can you imagine? ‘Walk into school, like, ‘What up, I got a lunch box!'”

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Her Tone Rings Hollow

| Learning | April 16, 2013

(My class is working on homework before second period when someone’s phone randomly vibrates.)

Teacher: “Whose phone is vibrating?”

(I check my backpack and it’s not my phone. A few students also check their backpacks and find that their phones aren’t vibrating. The phone vibrates again.)

Teacher: “Whoever’s phone that is, can you please turn it off!?”

(Everyone looks around and the teacher gets very annoyed.)

Teacher: “For Christ’s sake, please turn off the d*** phone!”

(Everyone is now silently giggling and the teacher continues getting angry until the student helper points out the problem.)

Student Helper: “Mrs. [Name], it’s your husband calling you.”

(The teacher turns scarlet red and becomes wide-eyed while everyone laughs out loud.)

Teacher: “I’m sorry. If you’ll please excuse me…”

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Dislike Mother, Dislike Son

| Learning | April 15, 2013

(I am in middle school. I am waiting to go home because of a doctor’s appointment. I am making small talk to one of the assistants who I knew previously.)

Me: “Hi. How are you?”

Assistant: “Great! How is 7th grade suiting you?”

Me: “It’s fun so fa—”

(Suddenly, a loud, angry, rude woman bursts into the room and begins shouting at the assistant.)

Rude Woman: “I demand to know why my son was given a detention!”

Assistant: “Miss, will you please wait? I was talking to this student.”

Me: “No, it’s okay—”

Rude Woman: “I don’t care about this stupid little boy!”

Assistant: “I’m going to have to ask you to never say that again or leave.”

Rude Woman: “You can’t tell me what to do, you incompetent b****!”

Assistant: “I am now going to ask you to leave or I will have to call security.”

Rude Woman: “No! Not until you tell me why my son got a detention.”

(The assistant calls security and a security guard walks in.)

Security Woman: “I am going to have to ask you to leave, miss.”

Rude Woman: “No!”

(After going back and forth, the rude woman refuses to leave and the security woman finally has to drag her out forcefully.)

Me: “Why did her son get detention?”

Assistant: “Don’t tell anyone I told you this, but for swearing and being rude to a teacher.”

(The next day, I found out the assistant got a bonus and week off for going through this.)

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The Lion, The Witch, And The Tannenbaum

, , , , | Learning | April 10, 2013

(I’m a substitute teacher, and as long as the students get their work done, I’m pretty laid back. I also use some pop culture references to get a laugh out of students when I’m in a new class.)

Me: “If you want to work in pairs, that’s fine, as long as you’re working diligently. Just keep the noise level conversational and don’t go wandering around the classroom. So, if you’re sitting up front and your friend is all the way in the back in Narnia, you can’t go visit them.”

Student: “I wanna go to Narnia!”

Me: “Well, there’s no wardrobe in here. Sorry.”

Student: “There’s a closet!”

Me: “It’s not the same as a wardrobe.”

Student: “I’m gonna try!” *gets up and runs to the closet*

Me: “Excuse me! Take a seat right now!”

Student: *opens closet and steps inside* “Oh, my God!”

Me: “Please sit down or you’re going to the disciplinary office.”

Student: “There really is a Narnia in here!”

(By this point, I’d made it to the closet on the other side of the classroom. To my surprise, there was a fake Christmas tree, complete with fake snow, inside of the closet. I guess closets can get you to Narnia!)


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