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Do As I Do, Not As I Say

| Learning | April 30, 2014

(I’m making up some missed days in life fitness, along with three other kids, two of which have fewer days to make up. It is at almost the end of class.)

Teacher: “Okay, [Student #1] and [Student #2], you’re done. Follow me so we can get you marked down. [Student #3] and [My Name], stay here.”

(The teacher and two students leave and we sit there and wait. Eventually the bell rings but we stay a little longer, until we go to find our teacher.)

Teacher: “Did you guys decide to stay to work out some more?”

Me: “No, you told us to stay there.”

Teacher: “No, I didn’t. I told you to come with me!”

(On a side note, in the next class I decided to draw pictures of his head exploding.)

Speak No Evil But Hear Plenty Of It

| Learning | April 29, 2014

(I am in eighth grade, attending physical education class. My teacher is an enthusiastic woman who has never had trouble with me before. We have just finished our jumping jack regimen and are waiting for further instructions.)

Teacher: “All right, guys, looks like instead of running five minutes without stopping, it will be ten minutes!”

Me: *laughing amidst the other students’ complaints* “Oh, that’s evil!”

(Suddenly, my teacher is glaring at me and shouts at me in front of the entire class.)  

Teacher: “[My Name]! Go outside, now!”

Me: “Wh-what? What did I do?”

Teacher: “You do not ever talk like that! Go outside and stay there until I tell you to come back in!”

Me: “But I didn’t—”

Teacher: “Out! NOW!”

(I am so humiliated that when I go outside, I walk straight to the office in tears and get my mom to pick me up from school. The next morning, I go into the locker room early to have a ‘chat’ with the teacher.)

Me: “What you did to me in class was extremely embarrassing, when all I did was joke around. There is nothing wrong with what I said, and you know I’m a good student who didn’t deserve the way you treated me.”

Teacher: “I understand that you don’t think you did anything wrong, but ‘evil’ is a strong word, and the fact that you called me evil just didn’t jive with me at—”

Me: “Hold on. Wait a second. You thought I said YOU’RE evil?”

Teacher: “Erm… yes.”

Me: “I said THAT’S evil. THAT’S. Evil.”

Teacher: “… Oh.”

Me: “So you’re telling me you yelled at me in front of the entire class and sent me outside because you misheard me?”

Teacher: “‘Evil’ is just a very strong word, okay? Don’t use it!”

(I certainly never did around her again!)

This Quiz Is BLEEP-ing Hard

| Learning | April 23, 2014

(I am in seventh grade. The science teacher has put on a video quiz for us to watch.)

Video Announcer: “When you hear the BLEEP, fill in the word that belongs in the missing sentence. Question one: Force equals mass times BLEEP.”

(The BLEEP is the same sound effect used to censor curse words on television. Everyone laughs.)

Science Teacher: “What’s so funny?”

Student: “They use that sound to—”

Science Teacher: “Never mind.”

(After about seven more questions, we’re still laughing.)

Science Teacher: “Okay, guys. It was funny the first 500 times.”

Chalk It Up To Inexperience

| Learning | April 22, 2014

(I am a teacher, and am a few minutes late to class. I am walking in.)

Students: “Morning, [My Name].”

(They are clearly eating something. Upon closer inspection I realize that they all have a piece of white chalk in their hands and are busy munching on them.)

Me: *very shocked* “WHAT do you think you’re doing?! Are you seriously eating CHALK?!”

(They continue eating, but one of them pipes up.)

Student: “It’s okay. The box says ‘toxic free’.”

(I had a VERY hard time convincing them they shouldn’t eat the chalk.)

This Class Is Cut Short

| Learning | April 21, 2014

(My friend and I are sitting in the field during P.E. since the teacher has given us a break.)

Me: “Do you think people in our school would be stupid enough to wear their P.E. shorts over jeans? Like, it doesn’t take long to change and there’s no point in wearing the shorts!”

Friend: “Some girls wear tights under their shorts even though it’s a thousand degrees outside.”

Me: “But that’s normal-ish. Maybe they don’t want to show their legs. For guys, they can’t wear leggings or anything but they wear jeans!”

(My friend agrees and we become silent.)

Me: “But, again, why would guys wear their jeans over their—”

(As if on cue, a guy walks past with his P.E. shorts over his jeans.)

Me: “—never mind.”

(We both laugh.)