I’m ringing up a customer who is buying chocolate bars with his young daughter. She’s probably four years old. He pays and then goes to put the two chocolate bars in his jacket pocket when his daughter stops him.
Daughter:
“Dad! No! Don’t do that! It will make a mess!”
Customer:
“It’s okay. They will be fine”
Daughter:
“Trust me, Dad. I have years of experience with putting chocolate in my pockets!”
A customer comes into my store to ship a package via FedEx.
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t take FedEx, just UPS.”
Customer: “Yes, you do. You took a package from me just last week.”
Me: “There must be some confusion; we have not taken FedEx for nearly a decade. However, there is a FedEx store about five minutes away.”
Customer: “Yes, you did! I took it right to that counter and they scanned it and took it.”
Me: “No, they didn’t. The scanner for that machine is broken.”
Customer: “Yes, they did!”
Me: “Sir, I broke the scanner for that computer myself the week before Thanksgiving. It has been removed for over eight months.”
Customer: “Just scan it! It will work.”
Me: “I can’t just scan it. There is no scanner.”
Customer: “This is stupid. How long have you worked here, anyway?”
Me: “Seven years.”
Customer: “You clearly have no clue what you are doing. The vendor I ordered this from said I could bring it here.”
Me: “Your vendor is wrong, sir.”
Customer: “I’m just going to leave it on the counter. Someone who knows what they are doing will take care of this later.”
Me: “You’re welcome to do that, sir. But understand that I will be mailing you a letter informing you that if you do not come pick it back up, I will be throwing it away.”
The customer shuts up and considers his options.
Customer: “I’m calling your corporate office and telling them that you have no idea how to do your job!”
And he walked out with his package.
I pour samples of various alcoholic beverages in retail stores. The stores require we ID everybody, and we take down their names to prove they have been carded.
Customer:
“I’d like a sample.”
Me:
“I just need to see your ID, please.”
He hands me his ID. As I start to write down his name, he asks why. I explain that it is just to prove I carded him.
Customer:
“No! No! Give me my ID back and forget the sample! The government will know I drink!
I explain that this is only shared with my employer.
Customer:
“F*** you! You just want the government to know I drink!”
The customer stalked away from the table, turned, and gave me the bird. I stood there speechless for a good couple of minutes.
I am travelling for business and staying in a hotel. After a very trying day, I decide to stop in at the hotel’s bar for a couple of drinks before turning in. My boss is willing to cover things like that, so long as it is kept to a reasonable amount.
Me:
“Hey. I’d like a [Drink], please.”
Bartender:
“Sure. Are you staying with us? We can charge it directly to your room if you are.”
Me:
“I am. I’m in [Room].”
I started fumbling in my pocket to pull out my hotel key.
Bartender:
“Great!”
The bartender punches something into the register and then wanders off before I get my key out. After about half a minute, he comes back, hands me the drink, and starts to walk off again.
Me:
“Don’t you need my key card?”
Bartender:
“Huh? Why?”
Me:
“To prove that I’m actually staying at the hotel?”
He stares at me blankly for a few seconds before the light seems to come on.
Bartender:
“Oh. Yeah.”
He took the card and swiped it at the register, but that was how I found out that apparently, anyone could come in and throw out my room number, and he’d bill drinks to my room.
I work at a restaurant and convenience store combined. We also sell hand-dipped ice cream on the side. I only have about two weeks left at the job, and my patience with the denizens called “patrons” is wearing thin. This happens on a particularly busy day.
Me:
“Hello! Would you like some ice cream?”
Customer:
“Yes, I think I’d like this one.” *Points to a flavor* “Does it have any nuts in it?”
Me:
“I’m not sure. Is it because you don’t like nuts or because of an allergy?”
Customer:
“I’m severely allergic to nuts.”
Me:
“Well, in that case, I would have to recommend not having any of it at all. All of the ice cream we sell is manufactured around nuts, and cross-contamination is inevitable.”
The customer points at another flavor.
Customer:
“Even that one?”
Me:
“Yes. As I said, all of them.”
Customer:
“Can I try one?”
Me:
“I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that, especially since you told me you’re allergic to nuts. If you go into anaphylactic shock I would get in trouble.”
Customer:
“Do you really not have any ice cream without nuts?”
There is a line of about six people waiting.
Me:
“Ma’am, I don’t know how much clearer I can be. The only thing not contaminated by nuts is the Virgin Mary herself. I can’t help you.”
