Cinnamon Never Tasted So Bitter

, , , | Right | May 22, 2010

(I work at a grocery store where our policy is to take a customer to the aisle of the item they are looking for instead of just telling them the aisle number.)

Customer: “Um, excuse me! Where do you keep your cinnamon?”

Me: “It’s in the baking aisle. If you follow me, I can take you over to the right aisle.”

Customer: “No. Can’t you just tell me where it is? I’m sick of you people. All I want to do is buy my groceries and you all keep saying hello to me and smiling at me! Where’s the d*** aisle?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, cinnamon is located in aisle eight.”

Customer: “I want to speak to your manager. You people are too f****** cheerful. I can’t stand it!”

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The Point Of No Return

, , , , | Right | May 6, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling. How can I help you?”

Customer: “You charged my credit card forty-five dollars. Can I get a refund?”

(I pull up his account.)

Me: “Okay. I see that you rented two movies that were never returned and you were charged the sale price of the movies.”

Customer: “Well, I was on vacation and I forgot to return them on time.”

Me: “Let me go check the shelves for them; it’s possible that they didn’t get checked in properly. If I find them I can put a credit on your account that you can use whenever you’re in the store next.”

Customer: “I didn’t return them.”

(It’s been over two months since the movies were originally due.)

Me: “You didn’t return them?”

Customer: “Nope.”

Me: “Sir, you would like me to pay you for renting movies and never bringing them back?”

Customer: “Uh-huh.”

Me: “I’m not going to do that.”

Customer: “Okay… I just thought I’d ask.”

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Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, What Are They Feeding You

, , , , | Right | March 10, 2010

Customer: “Oh, I needed help putting in this cat food, and the young man put in the wrong brand!”

Me: “Okay, let’s go over there and get the right one.”

(We walk over, and she looks at about five different bags of cat food, then goes to a bag of litter.)

Customer: “I think it was this one I wanted.”

Me: “Wait, did you want cat food or litter?”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

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Drives You Round The U-Bend

, , , | Right | March 6, 2010

Customer: “The fish tank I have is really dirty and starting to smell, so I want to clean it but someone told me that I can’t use tap water in a fish tank.”

Me: “Yeah, you either have to get spring water or buy a bottle of water conditioner, and just add that to the tap water.”

Customer: “Oh. What if I use toilet water instead of tap water?”

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Compared To Some Customers, Yes

, , , | Right | February 11, 2010

(A customer is using the self-checkout. Her total is $1.52.)

Customer: “I still owe 52 cents, but all I have is a $10 bill.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I put a dollar bill in, but I still owe 52 cents and all I have is a $10 bill.”

Me: “That’s fine. You can just put the ten in and it will give you the difference back.”

Customer: “Really? The machine is that smart?”

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