My coworker hands me the phone saying the caller is asking for me. This is weird already, especially since most phone calls like this are complaints.

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Is this [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Were you running the window earlier?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Caller: “Do you remember getting two three-piece chickens?”

Me: “The three-piece tenders with fries? Yes, I do.”

Caller: “I just wanted to thank you for giving me extra tenders in them! And the chicken was so good! Thank you very much!”

Me: “I put those in there because they were small. I’m glad you enjoyed the food, ma’am. Thank you!”

Caller: “Thank you! You have a good night.”

Me: “You, too, ma’am. Bye.”

This made me so happy. It is so rare we get compliments like that, especially from someone calling us after coming in. It made my night! To that lady, I hope I see you again. Thank you!

When I was in fifth grade, there was this one kid who, to put it kindly, could never be accused of being in possession of general common sense. For example, he bragged to some kids about something mischievous he did — within earshot of the school principal!

One day, he did not show up to class, and no one thought anything of it. As usual, the teacher would leave whatever assignments and whatnot on his desk.

A week went by, followed by yet another week. I overheard the teacher mentioning to a faculty member that calls had been placed to the kid’s home, which had been both unanswered and unreturned, and that there was a serious concern that there might have been a serious personal emergency or illness.

Then one day, he popped up, as grand as you please, bragging to the kids about his “vacation” in Texas. The teacher saw him and obviously confronted him.

Teacher: “Where have you been the past two weeks?”

Kid: *Grandly, with a huge smile* “Texaaaaaas! Dad got a huge bonus at work and some vacation time and took us all! Yep! Got myself a heck of a tan, too!”

Teacher: *Turning a patchwork of purple and red* “You can’t just up and take a vacation smack in the middle of the school year without making arrangements with us first about your schoolwork! What is wrong with you?”

Kid: “Schoolwork? But I was on vacation!”

The teacher returns to her desk, produces a tower of paperwork, and plops it down on his desk.

Teacher: “I sure hope you’re ready to sacrifice your lunchtime recesses. And, on top of that, I hope your dad will understand why you will be in detention after school every day until every single assignment is completed!”

Kid: “That’s not fair!”

Teacher: “Unless you would like to get zeroes for everything. And, for your information, it’s not fair to the other students to let you skip out on your work while they are here every day trying and working hard. Anything else you’d like to share with the class about the spectacular time you had in Texas while they were hard at work? We’d love to hear it.”

The kid just scowled.

It took him a month to finally get caught up.

I’m playing video games when my mom asks me to do something.

Me: “Yeah, just let me die a second.”

There’s a long pause.

Mom: “I know what you mean, but please never say that again.”

When I attended college in the 1980s, I had an account with a bank in the town my college. Between school years, I closed and then reopened a checking account with them to avoid fees based on their account guidelines. The summer before junior year, I managed to save a bunch of money and had a cashier’s check to open a new account.

Bank: “I’m sorry, but because you closed two accounts with us within a year, we can’t open a new checking account for you.”

Okay, fine, that’s on me; I didn’t realize such a thing was policy.

Me: “All right. Can I at least cash this cashier’s check?”

Bank: “Sure. Do you have an account with us?”

Me: *Gobsmacked* “I’m trying to open one! I wouldn’t be trying to cash this cashier’s check if I had an account!”

Bank: “Well, I thought maybe you had a different kind of account with us.”

I never did business with that bank again.

Caller: “What’s the cheapest vehicle you have available for rent?”

Me: *Checking the computer* “We have a two-door coupe for [price] a day. Did you want to reserve one today?”

Caller: “Yeah, I’ll take it! Is there, like, a passenger limit?”

Me: “There are only seat belts for up to five people.”

Caller: “Is that a strictly enforced rule or like a guideline?”

Me: “Well… it’s really safety and plain common sense not to have passengers riding without seat belts, especially in such a small vehicle. How many passengers do you have?”

Caller: “Well… there are twelve of us total.”

Me: “FOR A COUPE?!”

Yes, I suggested our vans. No, he wasn’t interested. And no, I didn’t book his reservation.