(This is an independent bank with only four loan officers.)

Me: “Here’s your receipt. Are you all set?”

Customer: “I need to speak with my loan officer for a minute.”

Me: “Okay, that’s Joe. Let me check if he’s available.”

Customer: “No! Rich is my loan officer.”

Me: “No, Joe is. He talked to you last week, remember? Tall guy with a moustache?”

Customer: “Rich has been my loan officer for eight years. I want to speak with him!”

Me: “Rich died three years ago.”

Customer: *silence*

Me: “So, I’ll get Joe?’”

Customer: “Right, Joe.”

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Me: “Our records show you’ve never had a prescription filled here before, so I’ll need an ID and your insurance.”

Customer: “Here’s my ID. I don’t have my insurance on me, but it’s through [Car Insurance Company].”

Me: “Sir, I think that’s your car insurance. Do you have health insurance?”

Customer: “You mean there’s more than one kind?”

(An elderly couple comes through my counter with some wine.)

Me: *joking around* “Are you sure you two are old enough to have this tonight?” *holds up wine*

Customer: “Kid, I have underwear old enough to buy that.”

Customer’s Wife: *laughs hysterically*

This story is part of our Old Folk With No Filter roundup!

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Me: “Will this be credit or debit?”

Customer: “Credit.”

(I notice she has the card facing the wrong way.)

Me: “All right, you just need to turn the card around.”

Customer: “Does that make it run as credit, then?”

This story is part of the Clueless With Credit Cards roundup!

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Me: “Thank you for calling [Hair Salon]. How may I assist you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was in there last week and I got my hair done by [Stylist].”

Me: “Okay. Is there a problem?”

Customer: “No, I think it looks great.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m a little confused. Is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: “Well, I’d like to come back in and have it redone.”

Me: “Ma’am, I thought you said you liked it. Is there a problem?”

Customer: “Every time [Stylist] does my hair, my friends all tell me how great it looks; this time no one has even noticed I got it done. I’d like to come back in and have it redone so people will notice it.”

Me: “Well, [Stylist] is very busy this week. I’m not sure if he will be able to get you in.”

Customer: “But what am I supposed to do?!”

(By this time, I have looked up her name from the caller ID and found the day she came in six days ago.)

Me: “I was here last Tuesday and I remember when you left, your hair looked amazing!”

Customer: “Oh, really? Great! Tell [Stylist] I’ll see him for my next appointment in seven weeks, and I want the color he did this time. I just love it!”