(My cashier tells me the customer on the phone is looking for the price of a 100-pack of [Brand] DVD+R discs, so I go write down the price and answer the phone.)
Me: “Thank you for holding. You were waiting for the price on a 100 pack of [Brand] DVD+Rs?”
Customer: *snotty* “No, I was waiting to see if you carry them!”
Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, I misunderstood. Yes, I do carry them and have them in stock.”
Customer: “And how much are they?”
(My roommate’s overbearing mother is visiting.)
Mother: “This place is trashed! Who just leaves a towel in the middle of the living room?”
(I whistled, and the “towel” lifted up its head, revealing itself to be my Shih Tzu, Moe.)
(I work at a makeup store that sells rather expensive products on one side of the store that we call “Prestige.” On the other side, we sell what we call “mass,” which are cheaper, more widely available products. We offer coupons that are usually only good for our mass section, but for a small amount of time we have a coupon that is available to use on the Prestige cosmetics. When these coupons come out, we usually have a rush of people that get excited to use them since they are rare. Note: We currently have a coupon out for our Prestige products. This coupon can only be used one time and it is clearly stated across the bottom of the paper.)
Customer #1: “I would like to do two separate transactions. I’d like to use the money I have saved up on my rewards card for one, and then use my coupon for the other.”
(I happily do this for her, even though two separate transactions takes longer and holds the line up even more. After I use her coupon on her first purchase, I move on to ringing up the second.)
Me: “Your total for this purchase, after your rewards points, is [total].”
Customer #1: “Is that with the coupon?”
Me: “I used the coupon on the first set of items like you asked, ma’am.”
Customer #1: “Well, I want to use it on this one, as well.”
Me: *cringing because I know how she is about to react* “I’m sorry, but these coupons are only available to scan once. After that our system will void the coupon as invalid. I didn’t realize you wanted to use it on both. I thought you wanted to use your points—”
Customer #1: “OF COURSE I WANTED TO USE IT ON BOTH! WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME IT WAS A ONE-TIME COUPON?!”
(She goes off into a rant about how she would have just used all of her points on one purchase, how I needed to tell her that it was only a one-time deal, and many other things that go over my head as she continues to yell. Meanwhile, the entire line is watching her go off on me. Finally, my manager comes over and tells her that it is written on the coupon that it is one time only, but ends up giving her the 20% off, anyway, to keep her happy. The customer finally leaves and I am left, slightly shaken, to take care of the next person in line.)
Customer #2: “So, I have one of those coupons to use, but I’m not going to yell at you about it.”
(I work in a bathroom showroom. A customer comes in looking for a faucet he claims to have ordered.)
Customer: “I ordered a faucet three months ago and I never heard back from any of you!”
Me: “Hello, sir. I think I was the one who helped you before. I don’t recall you placing an order, however. Can I have your name so I can look in our system?”
(He gives me his name and I look on the computer. There is nothing matching his name.)
Me: “Sir, there are no orders here under that name. Are you sure you placed the order here and not at another showroom?”
Customer: “Yes, I’m sure! I can’t believe this level of incompetence!”
Me: “Do you remember which faucet you were looking at? I can search by that.”
(He wanders through the showroom for a while, finally pointing to one. I once again search the system.)
Me: “Sir, all orders for that faucet have already been closed out and none of them match your name. We can order that for you now, if you would like?”
Customer: “I can’t believe this! I have to order twice just to get a faucet?! I’m going to tell everyone I know not to shop here, and I know contractors!”
Me: “Did you come sit at my desk and order with me, give me your information, give me the required 50% deposit, sign for the deposit, and receive a receipt?
Customer: “No. But I directly told you I liked that faucet!”
Me: “Sir, if all you did was tell me you liked the faucet, how am I supposed to know to order it? Without a deposit or contact information?”
Customer: “That’s your problem!”
Me: “Sir, I can’t order a faucet just because someone expressed a little interest in it.”
Customer: “This level of customer service is horrible! I’m never buying from here again! I’m going to give my money to [Competitor].”
Me: “In fairness, sir, you have never bought anything here.”
When I was three, my mom was overdue to have my brother and she need to be induced into labor. I was getting impatient, so my parents decided to explain what was going to happen as best they could.
I took the information surprisingly well. I told my mom that everything was going to be okay and that the doctor was going to stick a broomstick down her throat and knock my brother out of her.
