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How To Ensure A Blanc Stare

, , , , , , | Right | September 9, 2010

(An elderly couple comes through my counter with some wine.)

Me: *joking around* “Are you sure you two are old enough to have this tonight?” *holds up wine*

Customer: “Kid, I have underwear old enough to buy that.”

Customer’s Wife: *laughs hysterically*


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It Also Adds Money This Way

, , , , | Right | August 2, 2010

Me: “Will this be credit or debit?”

Customer: “Credit.”

(I notice she has the card facing the wrong way.)

Me: “All right, you just need to turn the card around.”

Customer: “Does that make it run as credit, then?”


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All Style, No Substance

, , , | Right | July 22, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hair Salon]. How may I assist you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was in there last week and I got my hair done by [Stylist].”

Me: “Okay. Is there a problem?”

Customer: “No, I think it looks great.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m a little confused. Is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: “Well, I’d like to come back in and have it redone.”

Me: “Ma’am, I thought you said you liked it. Is there a problem?”

Customer: “Every time [Stylist] does my hair, my friends all tell me how great it looks; this time no one has even noticed I got it done. I’d like to come back in and have it redone so people will notice it.”

Me: “Well, [Stylist] is very busy this week. I’m not sure if he will be able to get you in.”

Customer: “But what am I supposed to do?!”

(By this time, I have looked up her name from the caller ID and found the day she came in six days ago.)

Me: “I was here last Tuesday and I remember when you left, your hair looked amazing!”

Customer: “Oh, really? Great! Tell [Stylist] I’ll see him for my next appointment in seven weeks, and I want the color he did this time. I just love it!”

High Cholesterol, Low IQ

, , , , | Right | July 14, 2010

Patient: “We need to schedule a surgery.”

Me: *looking over the patient’s chart* “Surgery? For what, ma’am?”

Patient: “The doctor said I had high cholesterol. And I want him to go in and cut it out. Take it all, I say.”

Me: “He can’t just go in and remove the cholesterol. There are ways that you can lower your cholesterol.”

Patient: “Don’t lie to me. There’s cholesterol-free food. I’ve seen it. Someone has to go into the food and take it out, now, don’t they? You just don’t want me to use my free health care. You probably voted for McCain!”

Me: “Let me see if I can reach the doctor.”

Modern Technology Can Pass By In A Blur

, , , , , | Right | July 9, 2010

Customer: “I had a question about this one movie.”

Me: “Okay, what’s up?”

Customer: “How blurry is it?”

(I am surprised for a moment, but then I think maybe she is referring to movies in 3D; sometimes those look a little blurry.)

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “Well, it says here that it is blurry and if it’s too bad I do not want to rent it.”

Me: “Oh, let me see it.”

Customer: “Do you have any other copies?”

Me: “Ma’am, this copy isn’t blurry. It is in Blu-Ray, the new format designed to replace DVD movies.”

Customer: “Oh, all right.”

Me: “Do you have a Blu-Ray player?”

Customer: “What is that?”

Me: “I’ll just grab a DVD copy of the movie for you.”


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