(I have just broken up with my mentally abusive boyfriend, and his friends have started harassing me online and whenever they see me in person. This happens on my way to class one day.)

Man: “Hey, [My Name]!”

(I turn to see a man about thirty yards away from me.)

Man: “You’re a cheating w****!”

Girl: *walking past me* “Hey, [My Name], I don’t know you, but I think you’re pretty awesome.”

(Thank you, anonymous girl. I have never forgotten your random words of kindness!)

(I work at a daycare, and kids say some pretty funny things.)

Four-Year-Old: *holding up his shirt and looking at his chest* “ Miss [My Name]!”

Me: “Yes?”

Four-Year-Old: “I have itty little bitty boobies!”

Me: “Umm…”

Four-Year-Old: “Miss [My Name]?”

Me: “Yeah?”

Four-Year-Old: “You have great big boobies!”

(I wear an A-cup.)

(I am a female estimator, the only one working in the dealership this day. I’m used to men not wanting to deal with me because I’m a woman. The receptionist comes to get me to write up a man who has just pulled in.)

Me: “Hello, sir! What damage are we looking at today?”

Customer: “I already told that other little lady that I need an estimate on my car. Now, be a doll and get someone for me.”

Me: “Well, sir, I am that someone. It looks like your front bumper has the majority of the damage. Anywhere else before I do my inspection?”

Customer: “The only inspection you need to be doing is finding someone to look at my vehicle!”

(I don’t want to argue, so I just turn and go back to my office. After about ten minutes, the receptionist comes to tell me the man is still waiting.)

Me: “So, have you decided to go ahead with the inspection, sir?”

Customer: “D*** it! I WILL NOT HAVE A WOMAN LOOKING AT MY VEHICLE! THIS IS A MAN’S JOB!”

Me: “You’ll be waiting a very long time, then, I’m afraid. See, I am the only estimator working today. I am the only person here who can tell you that I think the bumper got pushed into your radiator, and that is why there is a greenish liquid all over the ground. I am also the only person here who can tell you that your vehicle isn’t safe to drive, and if you insist on taking it home and waiting for a man to be here, you will cause more damage than if you were to just let me take care of it. Any other concerns I can address for you right now, or are you going to let me do my job?”

Customer: *very sheepishly* “Do you need my keys?”

This story is part of our International Women’s Day roundup!

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(I belong to the “senior citizen” demographic that many telemarketers target and exploit; hence, I receive numerous calls from scammers trying to sell me computer security software. One of the scams going around for the past several years is from “Windows Technical Support.” If you go through with the process, you have essentially handed over the control of your computer to them. In fact, there are many stories of people who fell for this scam and had to pay up to regain control of their computers, and many of the victims are senior citizens. I get a call and the telemarketer asks if there is a “senior citizen” in my household. I think it has to be a scammer looking for a gullible old man, so I decided to play along and play dumb.)

Scammer: “Hello, I am [Scammer] calling from Windows PC Tech Support. Is there a senior citizen in your household?”

Me: “Yes, I am a senior citizen.”

Scammer: “Sir, our company provides technical support for Windows Operating System. We have monitored several error messages from your computer. We suspect that your computer is infected with computer viruses and would like to help you fix your computer.”

Me: “Huh… What?”

Scammer: *realizing that he is talking to a senior citizen and needs to dumb down* “Sir, do you have a computer in your home?”

Me: *excitedly* “Yes! Yes!”

Scammer: “The Windows in your computer is infected with viruses.”

Me: “What windows? What are you trying to sell?”

Scammer: “No, sir, I am not trying to sell anything. We want to help you with your Windows.”

Me: “Are you selling windows? We don’t need no windows. We changed ours only last year.”

Scammer: “No, sir, not the windows of your home.”

Me: *annoyed* “Then what are you trying to sell? I don’t have time for this!”

Scammer: *articulating each word* “We are not trying to sell anything to you, sir. We are offering virus protection.”

Me: “What?!”

Scammer: “Your Windows computer protection, sir. Protection!”

Me: “Oh I see. Protection… Yes, I understand. Protection. So, you are selling condoms. Oh, yes, I understand.”

(There was a moment of silence on the other end. Then he hung up. Perhaps he had a good laugh and then typed up his customer service story about an old geezer who thought virus protection was a type of condom.)

(My coworker, who has just come in for her shift, comes up to my desk. She’s in her 20s and a fairly intelligent person, or so I thought. By my desk is a small coffee station for the residents, visitors, and staff.)

Coworker: “Is there any coffee up here?”

Me: “Probably not by this time of day. You could try in the kitchen and see if they have any.”

Coworker: *whiny voice* “I just did. They don’t. What do I do now?”

Me: *pause* “You could make some?”

Coworker: *eyes go wide* “Oh… I guess I could do that!” *trots off happily to the kitchen to do so*

Me: “I need to go home now.”