I’m the closing manager one night and, when the time comes, one lady will just NOT LEAVE. Several employees have told her we are closed, but after fifteen minutes, she is still browsing. As I’m about to approach her again, one of my coworkers comes up to her.

Coworker: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we’re closed for the evening.”

The woman ignores him.

Coworker: “Could you at least, you know, pretend to walk toward the exit?”

My eyes go wide at overhearing this. This worker’s customer service skills are usually sublime, and he’s probably one of the best, most dependable workers I’ve ever seen. The woman “hmphs!” and storms straight to the register.

The cashier on duty is only in high school, but he’s big, tall, and happens to be dressed up from a presentation he did at school earlier. The woman is tearing him a new one about what [Coworker] said. As I approach to go rescue him, he makes eye contact with me and subtly shakes his head, indicating to stay back for now, so I do. The woman gets through with her tirade and leaves a couple of minutes later. [Coworker] and approach.

Me: “[Cashier], are you all right?”

Cashier: “Yeah, I think she thought I was a manager. I guess I should’ve corrected her, but her rant was too funny. [Coworker], did you really say that?”

Coworker: “Yeah. Sorry you had to deal with the fallout.”

Cashier: “Nah, it’s cool. Like I said, too funny. And I got her to calm down. I don’t think she’s gonna call corporate or anything.”

Coworker: *Looking at me* “Am I in trouble?”

Me: “For getting her out of here? H*** no. Just don’t do it again. [Cashier], you, too. I get paid a little more to get yelled at. You don’t. Now, let’s never speak of this again.”

Admittedly, I wasn’t the best manager, but at least I had my employees’ backs.

Just before we open, we realize the toilet isn’t working, so I put an “Out of Order” sign in two different languages on the door. One of the cooks has already had to knock on the door to get a lady who had waltzed right in past the sign out of there before she accidentally made a mess, but this is the most interesting interaction of the day.

Female Customer: “Do you have a restroom?”

Me: “Unfortunately, it’s out of order. Sorry.”

She looks a bit disgruntled but hurries out the door to find somewhere else that has a bathroom, which is not hard since almost every building for two blocks is a restaurant.

Customer’s Husband: *Accusatorily* “Why is the bathroom ‘out of order?'”

Me: “Because it’s not working?”

Customer’s Husband: “Well, what are customers supposed to do? Some of them want to use the bathroom!”

Me: “Sir, I would also like to use the restroom, but I can’t, either. I have to go next door, too.”

He huffs and walks out to wait for his food.

Me: *To my coworkers* “What does he think, I just put the ‘Out of Order’ sign up for fun so he couldn’t use it?”

I am working the register when a bus full of tourists lets off across the street.

A customer orders five or so drinks, a couple of bakery items, and merchandise from the shelf. This rings up to over $50 and he pays in all change. The manager sighs and opens a second register while I count.

Me: “This covers it; the remainder is yours.”

Customer: “I only want paper money back.”

Me: “I can exchange this portion for paper, but you’re shy of a full dollar.”

Customer: “Only paper money!”

Me: “You’re welcome to put it in the tip jar? I’m sorry, but I really don’t know how to help you?”

They appeared visibly upset. After a few moments of nothing happening, I slowly put the change in the tip jar myself. This made them happy somehow, and they walked away smiling!

I’m waiting in line at the airport and I strike up a conversation with a woman in front of me. Another woman walks up who is obviously travelling with the first woman.

I step out of the way to let them stand together.

Me: “Oh, sorry about that. I didn’t mean to separate you from your…?”

The guy behind me lets out a disgusted sigh.

Guy: “Friend. They’re friends! My God, why do people have to be so stupidly PC all the time?! Now we have to go around assuming that any two people might be gay instead of just normal friends!”

Woman #1: “I mean, we are best friends.”

The guy gives me a smug look.

Woman #1: “That’s why we got married.”

This story is part of our Best Of October 2020 roundup!

Read the next story in the Best Of October 2020 roundup!

Read the Best Of October 2020 roundup!

(A customer walks into our store who is obviously a tourist from Europe. She has three young girls with her, ages three to eight.)

Customer: “Where do you leave the children?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: *pointing at her daughters* “Them!

Me: “Oh, you mean like a daycare? We don’t do that here.”

Customer: “So, what do I do? Where do I leave them?”

Me: “I don’t know… They stay with you?”

Customer: “Ugh, this is so stupid. How am I supposed to shop?”

Me: “Sorry?”

(Under my breath, I ask, “Why would you bring them, then?”)