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Might Want To Skip Those Pies

, , , , | Right | January 21, 2019

There’s an animal shelter we used to frequent a few blocks away from my house. The place had a prominent blackboard in the entrance announcing any upcoming events that might interest people, like adoption days or charity drives.

One day, however, when I arrived, I advised one of the employees to do something about the new announcement. It read, in big letters, “Adoption Saturday,” but underneath that, someone had written, in smaller letters, “Yummy meat pies on Sunday!”

Money Makes The School Go Down

, , , , , , | Learning | January 21, 2019

(I work in a language school teaching English and Chinese. The principal and owner of the school is an overall nice person; however, he is too indulgent with students, not punishing anyone who is late to pay, and terrible at managing his money. As a result, payments are almost always late by a day or two. Since most of the teachers are students working for some extra cash, we don’t mind. One day, in the middle of my class, he calls all teachers to his office.)

Principal: “Good morning. I called you all here to discuss an important issue. As you know, my daughter is getting married…” *his eyes begin to glow in happiness* “…but she’s run out of money for her wedding, and I decided to pay for the rest as a wedding gift. Unfortunately, that means you will not be paid for the next two months.”

(We all think this is a joke, and wait for the punchline. After a few seconds, we realise he’s serious.)

Principal: “That was all… you can continue with your activities.”

Teacher #1: “Are you out of your mind? Do you actually expect us to work for free for two months?”

Principal: “What does it matter? None of you have any bills to pay! You don’t need the money, but my daughter does!”

Teacher #2: “Okay… Let’s say we don’t get paid these two months. At least in the third month, you should pay us those two months, plus an extra, for the troubles.”

Principal: “Nope, I’ve already run some numbers. I can’t afford the wedding, my daughter’s honeymoon, and your wages. You’ll have to do without money for two months.”

(We are all furious. But the most frustrating thing is that the principal can’t understand why we are all angry, and he begins to get angry, too. We just don’t understand how important this is to him, and we’re all just jealous and too greedy, he says.)

Principal: “I own this place and do as I please. I’m paying for her wedding and her honeymoon. If you don’t like it, the doors are open.”

Me: “You own the place, but not my time. You want me to work? You pay. You don’t want to pay? I don’t work. Simple as that.”

Principal: “Are you threatening me?”

Me: “No, I’m quitting.”

(Literally all the teachers quit at that exact moment and walked out his office. I went to my classroom and explained the situation to my students. All of them sympathised with the teachers and most offered to pay for private lessons. All of us, students and teachers, walked out of the school. Without teachers and without students, the school had to close. A year later, I ran into the principal’s secretary, who filled me in. Apparently, he had promised his daughter a fantastic wedding and a month-long honeymoon in Europe, but without the school’s money, he was unable to pay for them. His daughter was devastated and now doesn’t talk to him, while his wife divorced him, since she ruined the daughter’s wedding AND their only steady source of income.)

The Rules Of Realization

, , , | Learning | January 20, 2019

(I’m an English teacher. This day, due to bad weather, everyone but me and one of my students is late. When she arrives, I ask her to read her homework. A few minutes later, when all my students have arrived, I ask her to read it again.)

Me: “[Student], please, read what you wrote for homework.”

Student: “Why me? I’ve already read it!?

Me: “That’s the way things work here. I don’t make the rules.”

(Silence.)

Me: “Oh… wait. I’m the teacher. I do make the rules!”

(All of my students laughed and she read her homework again.)

A Bus Full Of Knee-Jerks

, , , , , , | Legal | January 16, 2019

A few days before this story happened, I injured my knee and had to use a cane to walk for a week. I got on a bus and sat in one of the reserved seats.

A woman, maybe in her sixties, got on a few stops after me and immediately demanded that I give her my seat. I told her that I was sorry, but that I was unable to do so because of my injured knee.

The woman, as well as most of the people in the bus, thought I was lying, even when I showed my cane. I received some very rude comments from the people in the bus, but I tried to ignore them and pointed out that it would be quite stupid for me to go out with a cane and pretend that I was injured just to avoid giving my seat.

A middle-aged man, who was with the woman, got angry and lifted me from my seat. Without my cane, I couldn’t stand on my own and immediately fell to the floor.

That was the moment that everyone realised I was not lying. The bus stopped, but the driver wouldn’t let anyone off. I was furious; not only had I been taken for a liar, but I had hurt my chin and hit my injured knee during the fall, so I ignored their apologies and called the police on them. They were livid, and they offered me money not to call the police on them, but I was so angry, I still called them.

I had to get stitches in my chin and had to use the cane for an extra week.

Long story short: the woman was not charged, but the man was, and he had to spend a few months in prison.

I Am Busy ATM

, , , | Right | January 1, 2019

(I do odd computing jobs for a living. Rather often, this involves fixing ATMs in convenience stores. As such, I don’t wear a uniform and I don’t look like an employee, but there ARE limits to how oblivious you can be. I am working on an ATM. The machine is obviously out of service, as it is wide open and showing all its wire-y parts. A woman stands in line behind me, oblivious. After about five minutes I raise my head and notice her.)

Me: “Ma’am, I am fixing this ATM. I am going to be here a while.”

Lady: “How long?”

Me: “A looong while.”

(She nods and I go back to my work. Ten minutes pass and she is still there, starting to get impatient. Now, I don’t do customer service, but that is no excuse to lose my cool.)

Lady: “Are you going to take long?”

Me: “Upwards of an hour.”

(She stands there, then proceeds to continue waiting. I go back to the machinery. Another ten minutes pass.)

Lady: “You have taken a long time.”

(I am getting slightly irritated.)

Me: “Yes, I have.”

(She gets annoyed. I go back to fixing the ATM. Five more minutes pass. The lady is already fuming, clearly upset that I am taking my sweet time fixing the ATM.)

Lady: “Why are you taking so long? I am in a hurry!”

Me: *with barely-contained irritation* “Lady, this ATM is out of service. It doesn’t work. I am fixing it.” *points at the very visible “OUT OF SERVICE” sign*

Lady: “Well, how long are you going to take? I am in a hurry to get out my paycheck.”

Me: “I have been here an hour already. I am going to take at least another.”

Lady: “Well? Why didn’t you tell me it was out of service?”

(She finally left, and I was left with a slight impulse to strangle someone.)